Horror in Hawaii - Bigfoot Trashes Nature Preserve!

Savage Sasquatch chases endangered species from Kauai Nature Park! Federal Superfund site disaster zone requested.


The formerly idyllic island of Kauai has been temperamentally traumatized by a rogue Bigfoot. A local ranger, Rick, described the catastrophe "How this hairy beast got here is beyond us. It didn't pay an entrance fee. It just suddenly appeared in the park and chased off the masses of mainland tourists, scared all our rare endangered species of nematodes into hiding, and intimidated local random surf bums. It will take years for this rare ecosystem to recover. Years! I feel faint."

Biodiversity? Not any more!

Sasquatch hunters speculate the beast wasn't targeting nematodes as prey, so much as scavenging for left over fried snack foods. "Oily fried food is the furry beast's favorite meal!", said an Ancient Aliens and Sasquatch expert.

Sasquatch Photobomb: Ruining a perfectly good Kauai photo. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in not-Hawaii Yuba City, was optimistic. "I'm optimistic, you know. Those nasty nematodes will eventually return to their native habitat. If the park needs more nematodes, I can provide them. I have them in my backyard. My doctor said I have some in my brain, too, which sort of explains my personality? I can ship some in a biohazard box. All I need to get started is a nice donation to my personal trust fund in the name of the institute, that will work nicely!"

Blockbuster Bigfoot Movie Planned - Target Market Excited!

Blinng Productions™ Announces New Bigfoot Movie Plans!

What the world needs is a new Sasquatch Documentary, and Blinng Productions™ are just the people moronic enough to do it!

Dr. Karl Blinng is busy fleecing, er, acquiring, sufficient funds from suitably naive investors to get started on his masterpiece.

"We don't have a script. Or actors. Or Bigfoots. But that won't stop us! This Bigfoot movie will be the greatest hit since Jar-Jar Binks astounded the world in his stupendous Star Bores films!"

Blinng Studios™ have released a promotional poster for the film, targeting widows, orphans, bitcoin investors and other types of wily investors. We're hopefully assuming the studio obtained legal permission to use this unpaid actress's image:

Bigfoot Bonanza Planned. Hollywood is Scared!

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute bored of directors, acknowledges there is risk in this venture. "Yes, we know we're aiming amazingly low with this film, but we know our audience. We have no expertise, no funding, no talent, and looking at Blinng in action - - no brains. But it doesn't matter!  We'll dub the thing in Spanish and Mandarin - - then make a mint in the overseas markets. If we get a really rotten tomatoes rating, it won't matter! Now to get those bitcoin investors to pay up..."

New Zealand Bigfoot Sighting! Kiwis Krushed!

Rare Sasquatch Sighting in Christchurch New Zealand! Natives think Lord of the Rings is being filmed again! "Not a Movie... this time it's real!"

Residents in Christchurch, New Zealand, were rudely perturbed when a intense looking Bigfoot sauntered down one of the many quaint and touristic streets plaguing the city. Public Panic was avoided as most citizens assumed the sighting was yet another Lord of the Rings movie being filmed onsite.

A local eyewitness was amazed. "Aye, so I was goin' to my local dairy to refill me chilly bin and get good and pissed wit me mates while watching my All-Blacks. We're playin' Tonga today. Then I saw the beast! Looked like an Orc or something, so I'm thinkin' 'right, that's another bloody Lord of the Rings sequel'. But I was wrong. That ape-man was scary smelly. It weren't no movie. I gapped it right then and there!"

Kiwi Bigfoot spotted in Christchurch. Sheep Beware.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in frolicking Yuba City, California, was serene. "Yes, I'm celestially serene. Serene in the knowledge that our summer intern, Jassyka Blinng, is working hard at reporting amazing Sasquatch sightings in the southern hemisphere. The fact she is an unpaid intern brings even more joy to my seriously serene sereneness."