"Boston BigFoot" Brings Boston Bedlam!
February 21 2009
Boston is on edge as nervous city denizens recover from the shock of multiple sightings of a "large, hairy and aromatic" BigFoot in the city. Eyewitnesses saw Sasquatch wildly running through Boston Common from the direction of Beacon Hill, holding an upside-down "Cheers" beer mug while being chased by a savage, snarling pekingese guard dog.
Laurie Chauncy, a local resident, said "I was enjoying the lovely sub-zero degree weather, and was just sitting there being entertained watching the ducks try to free themselves from the frozen lake ice when suddenly I smelled something really rancid and disgusting, and turned around and saw the ape-man!" The Bigfoot ran across the Swan Boats lake bridge in terror towards Commonwealth Avenue and disappeared into the mist.
Witnesses on Commonwealth say they thought Bigfoot was just another jaywalker. "Yeah sure I saw him", said one, "I wuz driving my cah when the idiot tried crossin' right in front of me against the light, big hairy moron, so I honked my h
orn and gave him a hand-gesture. No big deal. I had no idea he was like one of them endangered species!".
Boston Police are baffled. That is to say, they are baffled about this case, also. "BigFoot in Boston? This is big. Almost as big as the Red Sox, to tell you the truth we are baffled", said a baffled senior police detective on the case.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the Yeti Not Seti Institute in Yuba City California, said "Amazing! Surely this Sasquatch dropped hair or other bodily-function material while in the semi-natural environment of the Boston Common. I mean, dogs do doo-doo in parks all the time, yes? Why not Bigfoot? So the opportunity for obtaining DNA samples is tremendous. I will happily pay $3,000 to anyone who can provide me bonafide BigFoot DNA. No fake stuff, I mean it. I'm a lot smarter this time!"
February 21 2009
Boston is on edge as nervous city denizens recover from the shock of multiple sightings of a "large, hairy and aromatic" BigFoot in the city. Eyewitnesses saw Sasquatch wildly running through Boston Common from the direction of Beacon Hill, holding an upside-down "Cheers" beer mug while being chased by a savage, snarling pekingese guard dog.
Laurie Chauncy, a local resident, said "I was enjoying the lovely sub-zero degree weather, and was just sitting there being entertained watching the ducks try to free themselves from the frozen lake ice when suddenly I smelled something really rancid and disgusting, and turned around and saw the ape-man!" The Bigfoot ran across the Swan Boats lake bridge in terror towards Commonwealth Avenue and disappeared into the mist.
Witnesses on Commonwealth say they thought Bigfoot was just another jaywalker. "Yeah sure I saw him", said one, "I wuz driving my cah when the idiot tried crossin' right in front of me against the light, big hairy moron, so I honked my h
orn and gave him a hand-gesture. No big deal. I had no idea he was like one of them endangered species!".Boston Police are baffled. That is to say, they are baffled about this case, also. "BigFoot in Boston? This is big. Almost as big as the Red Sox, to tell you the truth we are baffled", said a baffled senior police detective on the case.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the Yeti Not Seti Institute in Yuba City California, said "Amazing! Surely this Sasquatch dropped hair or other bodily-function material while in the semi-natural environment of the Boston Common. I mean, dogs do doo-doo in parks all the time, yes? Why not Bigfoot? So the opportunity for obtaining DNA samples is tremendous. I will happily pay $3,000 to anyone who can provide me bonafide BigFoot DNA. No fake stuff, I mean it. I'm a lot smarter this time!"
