Sunday, July 31, 2016

Bigfoot Sighted at Pt. Reyes State Park!

Snarling Sasquatch Steals Weenies!

A wild Bigfoot has raided a camp ground at remote and foggy PT. Reyes State Park in California, stealing hot dogs during a weenie roast and startling campers.
Sasquatch: Weenie Thief.
A terrified camper, busy packing his car and family for a rapid escape from the panic stricken state park, was an eye-witness. "Yeah, I saw the beast! It was a great day at Pt. Reyes, freezing, wet, and you could hear the surf and the sea-gulls, since the fog was like pea-soup it was hard to see the actual ocean. Wind gusts were hitting gale force levels. A typical day in paradise! So we lit up our turbo-biodiesel dual-inline stove and were happily roasting spicy super-hot jalapeno pepper weenies, when the hairy crook ran up out of the fog, grabbed all the cooking weenies he could. He even took the pickle jar, the cad. He quickly escaped back into the fog. Just like that! Thank god we weren't roasting S'mores yet, or there would have been real trouble!"

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, was hungry for more. "You betcha, I want some them spicy hot weenies! Where can I buy some? Food tastes better when it can bring tears of pain to your eyes. I bet that stupid bigfoot had a major case of hot & spicy induced indigestion after wolfing those weenies down. Which gives me an idea... the beast must have had a rather dramatic bowel movement after eating those nuclear flavored hot dogs... I'll pay $3,000 to anyone who can bring me supersized hot & spicy Sasquatch poop!"

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Santa Fe Sasquatch Soils Art Scene!

Santa Fe Sasquatch Sighting! Rare New Mexico Bigfoot Spotted!

Santa Fe locals, tourists, and peddlers of authentic fine southwest Hopeeee made-in-china art stuff were left in shock and amazement when a rarely seen New Mexico Sasquatch made a pathetic paseo and promenaded through the central plaza during yet another art & food festival. The sighting caused minor panic in the laid-back locals, who've seen just about everything. Tourists, however, once they realized the beast was not performing some demented form of street art, were highly bothered by obnoxious odors and noises emitting from the feral beast. The touristy mobs quickly evacuated the area to a questionable part of town known for double-margaritas and loud salsa music.
Santa Fe Sasquatch Caught on Camera! Local shops closed immediately after the sighting.
"Yeah, I was there", said a local starving artista. "Bad business! I was all set to sell-off my remaining inventory of one-of-a-kind pottery knick-knacks mass-produced in a factory in Shinzhen, er, make that Shangra-la. Then this ugly furry animal walks by and chases away all the marks, ah, my loyal customers! That Bigfoot wasn't noticed at first because it was kinda mellow and just sauntered by. But that cloud of fleas trailing it sure got the attention of everyone. The plaza was empty in minutes!"
New Mexico Sasquatch roving Santa Fe's central plaza before heading towards Atalaya Mountain.
"New Mexico Bigfoots are extremely rare, the desert is not their favorite place to hang out. We're quite unlucky to see one.", said Erk Holohed, a member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute board of directors.

Holohed was in Santa Fe for a scientifically useless but important all-you-can-drink crypto-zoology conference focused on 'South-by-SouthWest Sasquatches and Georgia O'Keefe- Real or Surreal?'. "This particular Santa Fe Sasquatch must have been attracted to quirky artiste vibes in the plaza and swirling smells of fried food. The combination must have driven the poor beast mad. We know Bigfeet have problems understanding modern art. This poor brute may have had a serious mental issue with Southwestern art. He'll recover in the mountains. If we're lucky, he'll head towards Colorado. A Sasquatch can become a friendly, furry, pot-head to the locals and fit right in."

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Sedona Scare as Arizona Sasquatch Spotted!

Bigfoot Sighting in Oak Creek Canyon - Slide Rock Evacuated!

Northern Arizona is in prehistoric panic mode as Bigfoot sightings are starting to happen as often as turquoise rock shops in this historical tourist region. A lost hiker in Oak Creek Canyon stumbled upon a Bigfoot in the creek. "The beast was scaring off the fish.", said the shocked camper, "The creature had a foul odious body odor, and the filthy body noises it made frightened birds and wild varmits - - they were running for cover. I was scared senseless!"

Ageing New Age Sedona Denizens are fleeing to local Sedona Vortex sights and walking spiral rock trails in a desperate effort to mellow out from Bigfoot badness. "Staring at their jewel encrusted navels and chanting 'OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYGOD' ain't gonna work this time", said a cranky old local resident, "The only solution for them Sedona Sasquatch infestations is to lure the buggers away with day-old fried food and point 'em towards Los Vegas. That trick worked back in '08... 1908 to you, you young whippersnapper!"
Sasquatch caught on camera! The beast spotted in Oak Creek Canyon by a shell-shocked camper.
Erk Holohead, a noted pseudo-expert on the Oak Creek Canyon region and a member of the board of directors for the YETI NOT SETI Institute in exotic Yuba City, California, was deeply concerned. "I'm deeply concerned. Oak Creek is the only river in Arizona which flows year-round, unless you count pipe leaks in Phoenix. Water quality in the creek is already threatened from all those crazed tourists at Slide Rock. Add a few rude Sasquatches doing their 'nature calls' thing in the creek, and we risk having to evacuate the entire Canyon from Flagstaff to Sedona."

Sasquatch Sighted in Coconino National Forest! Locals go Loco.