Saturday, August 25, 2012

Bigfoot Beer Bash!

Sasquatch Sighting at Suds Symposium! 

Shocking the sane and sober, a highly regarded Bigfoot Ale beer tasting and pseudo scientific symposium on Gigantopithicus Revoltus was rudely interrupted by a savage Sasquatch snafu at the Sierra Nevada Brewery in charming Chico, California.
Amazing Bigfoot spotted at Sierra Nevada Brewery in cosmopolitan Chico.
"It was primate pandemonium in there!" said a Sasquatch symposium delegate and beer connoisseur, "A highly respected quack from Yuba City, named Dr. Blinng, was about to present his paper on theoretical toenail fungal problems likely associated with the Bigfoot species- - one of the highlights of the meeting - - when suddenly there was a loud racket outside. We ran out and saw the creature! What an exciting event, to actually SEE a Bigfoot.... pretty disgusting animal, to be honest."
Actual Bigfoot specimen
on display at the Brewery.

Dr. Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in scenic Yuba City, California, was perturbed. "How rude can a stupid Sasquatch be? I spend weeks preparing my presentation on Bigfoot toenail fungus, and that ape-man wrecked my big attempt to at last break into the elite cluster of scientific sasquatch stars. You know, the kind that get interviewed on MonsterQuest. I was that close! But I got even. I stole, ah, obtained, some lice ridden fur samples from that mummified bigfoot the brewery has on display... we'll test them for Sasquatch DNA. Then I'll finally write that Bigfoot bestseller, retire filthy rich, and spend my time hanging out with inebriated celebrities."

We know what our readers like! Sasquatch and Good Beer! Please don't miss this EXCLUSIVE SASQUATCH NEWS STORY:

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Beijing Bigfoot Sighting Brouhaha!

Super Scary Sino Sasquatch Spotted at Forbidden City and Tianamen Square! Politburo Perplexed! China Blames Japan.

Beijing citizens are nervous after random sightings of a "disgusting Yeti like creature" occurred at Tianamen Square and the Forbidden City. Burdened Bejing city officials are calling for calm, promising to find and capture the strange mangy ape animal which caused unwelcome disruption, pandemonium, chaos, but great photo ops for hundreds of tourists and souvenir hawkers.
Bigfoot in Beijing? The brave photographer who took this incredible photo
fainted from the fumes emitted from the beast and was hospitalized.
Hu Dat, a local purveyor of irregularly sized "I saw the Great Wall" t-shirts to confused foreign tourists, saw the bigfoot beast up close; "Nasty! Make me mad!", said Hu, "Tourists get scared! Run away! Whimps! This Yeti thing bad for business, very bad!"
Yeti-like ape-man roaming the Forbidden City.
An Americanski businessman visiting the Forbidden City, Erk Holohed, saw the furry creature enter the Forbidden City. "So I'm in Beijing on an important business trip, right? So everyone says 'OHHH MAN, YOU HAVE TO SEE THE FORBIDDEN CITY!', so I go right, expecting to see an incredible, historical marvel. But what did I see? An ugly, hairy and smelly bigfoot right in front of my face! Once you've smelled one of these things, the stink doesn't leave you... like a dead skunk. That beast ruined my trip. I hope they catch him - - then sell his fried hide as dinner at the Wangfujing night market next to the baked scorpions-on-a-stick."
Sasquatch Sighting at the Hall of Supreme Harmony.
Scared eyewitnesses said the encounter was neither supreme nor harmonious.
A local Beijing city official, who asked to remain anonymous, was relieved the Bigfoot sighting didn't occur in 2008. "Can you imagine this nasty creature causing trouble during the Olympics?", he said nervously, "That would have been a disaster. Who knows what personal hygienic damage he would have done to Birds Nest Stadium!"

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in exotic Yuba City, California, immediately called an emergency press conference at a local Jack-in-the-Box restaurant to exploit, errr, explain this amazing Sasquatch sighting in China. "This is not the first time this crypto-creature has been spotted in China. I of course take full credit for predicting this sighting. Please buy my new book, "Genghis Khan was a Bigfoot", now available at Amazon for the Kindling Reader, just $2.99 a copy. Please?".

Authoritative Pseudo Scientific Resources on Bigfoot, Sasquatch and Yeti sightings in China: