Bigfoot Spotted At Mount Royal Park! Montréal en panique parfaite alors que Bigfoot est aperçu en ville!
Astounding amazed locals and visitors alike, an extremely rare North American Sasquatch was spotted taking in the views at Mount Royal Park in Montreal, Canada. The park was quickly emptied by Park Police with assistance from the Canadian Mounted Police, who scoured the park on foot - - their horses had taken one deep sniff of an aromatic bigfoot in the air and quickly announced an immediate safety related work-stoppage per Canadian Police Horses Union, local 121. "Well sure they would strike, wouldn't you? These horses are scared silly by Bigfoots." pronounced a local Poutine street vendor warily eyeing his inventory of the tasty-but-deadly snack, on vigilant guard for Bigfoots.
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| Sasquatch scanning Montreal for his next meal. |
Fortunately for central Montreal, no further sightings of the clever beast were made. The ape creature appeared to wonder off towards Vermont. Police on both sides of the border are on intense surveillance.
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| Idyllic scene shattered by Bigfoot appearance. Photo Bombed! |
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in monolingual Yuba City, felt a bit guilty about the whole mess in Montreal. "I sent one of our unpaid interns there to learn some French and bring me back some hot, steamy, dripping, heart-attack triggering Mac And Cheese Poutine, yum! Unfortunately while in the city she encountered this mangy sasquatch, which really messed up her olfactory nerves and allergies! Too bad we don't offer health insurance here. Oh well, the Poutine was magnificent!".
Erk Holohead, a Bored of Directors member of the institute, had an observation. "I visited Montreal a few years ago for one of these lovely open bar cocktail hour scientific Sasquatch conferences. It was all in French but it didn't matter, as long as the hotel open bar was open! At the time Montreal could boast of having not one but two mayors recently convicted of corruption. Locals were very proud of this achievement, as not even Chicago can boast this claim. Cabbies point out the unfinished rebar sticking out of roadway overpasses as sightseeing must-sees! Please be advised in Quebec the official language is French, and Montreal is no exception. I made the mistake of ordering a particularly unhealthy snack of Poutine from a street-vendor in English... not only was there social embarrassment, but my subsequent arrest by the language-police included 24-hour jail time while being forced to listen to the collected speeches of Justin Trudeau in French. Desperately, I made a plea-bargain. Per the Judge's order I took the next flight out of Montreal. Unfortunately it was to Dushanbe, Tajikistan. Luckily, they didn't want me in their country either and they promptly put me on a flight back to the States."
In order to confirm to Quebec policies and requirements for this important information, a Google enhanced translation into French follows. Don't blame us. We all took high-school French*, but we've forgotten most of it. *Except for one poor lad who took German, as he is a linguistic masochist.
Official French Version follows:
OK, alors ce sasquatch dégoûtant s'est présenté au Parc Royal à Montréal et a semé la panique. Les chevaux de service de la Gendarmerie royale du Canada se sont mis en grève et ont refusé d'aider à retrouver le bigfoot. Même après avoir été menacés d'être transformés en steaks de cheval congelés et exportés vers la Belgique, les équidés refusent de servir. À la fin de la journée, l’homme-singe a disparu et a quitté la ville seul. Nous avons tous fini par manger des quantités prodigieuses de Poutine et boire de bonnes bières québécoises. Ces Américains qui ont écrit ce blog sont en fait des idiots.
