BigFoot Blizzard of '09 Haunts Houston!

Breaking News:
Rare Sasquatch Snowstorm in Houston Brings out Bothersome BigFoots!

"They Came Out of the Raging Blizzard Like Crazy Ice Men, err... Ape Men"... Exclusive Photos!

Snow wasn't the only bizarre natural disaster to hit Houston - Sasquatches made dramatic appearances in the area, alarming local residents, birds and small furry mammals.

An amazed Richmond Texas resident took this amazingly rare photo of a Sasquatch stomping along the Brazos River after the extremely amazingly rare blizzard. "Even with the cold air, the beast stank to high heaven!".

A lost deer hunter, cut-off after the blizzard, spotted this BigFoot intensely digging for food in the frozen wasteland after the snowstorm. "The creature was really focused, scrounging for frosty Gerbils - - they don't move so fast when half-frozen. Frosty Gerbils are a Sasquatch snack popsicle."

Another amazing photo of a BigFoot near Sugar Land looking for yellow snow to make Sasquatch snow cones.
"I gather this species isn't too bright?" said the eyewitness.

These new multiple Sasquatch sightings sparked another round of debate about BigFoots in Texas. A Rice University expert on Texan Sasquatch populations , Briian Leerky Ph.D., is convinced they are real. "BigFoot is not Bogus in Texas... and hey, I keep my tenure if these sightings keep happening, you know? This is a good gig!"

Smelly Sasquatch Security Snafu!

Breaking News: "Blithering" BigFoot Spotted at Top Secret National Laboratory - - Sparks Sasquatch Security Search - - Looking for "Aunold"?

Just days after publicity-seekers crashed a White House Dinner, an "unwashed" Bigfoot has barged into a high security national R&D complex in Livermore, California. A local Livermoron claims the furry creature never saw the "really top-super-secret ultra-classified need-to-know, if-I-tell-you-I-have-to-kill-you stuff... like the flying saucer technologies, the time-travel building or the Roswell Aliens stacked like cork wood and stored in a deep-freeze.... hey.... I never talked... you got it?!"

Lost Wente Winery tourists poking around the Laboratory's Top Secret Visitors Center (open 10 to 4, free admission) came face-to-face with the hairy apeman; "I was shocked, that ferocious fur-ball needs major dental work.", said eyewitness Patrizia Halversump, "When that crude creature spotted a photo of Governor Aunold Schwarzenegger touring the LLNL National Ignition Center, he went nuts. The BigFoot jumped up and down yelling 'Coooo-an! Coooo-an!' You could see nasty fleas jumping off his fur, what a perfectly disgusting animal!"

The Fresno BigFoot Investigations (FBI) agency has figured out the monkey-man's motives... "This Sasquatch was not a spy, nyet, ahhh, I mean nooooooo... that BigFoot was looking for Conan the Barbarian.

OK, yeah sure, we lost time solving this mystery. We thought the Apeman was saying "Cohen the Barbarian", an honest mistake, OK? Dr. Blinng at the Yeti not Seti Institute cracked the case after we paid him 34 dollars and 28 cents cash up-front... a stiff price, but it was worth it."

Livermore Police are stumped, "Why does this stupid Sasquatch keep coming back here? What did we ever do to that mangy primate?"

Looking for Aunold.

Jar Jar Bynx Found Dead in Panama

Star Warz Actor Murdered by Panama BigFoot? "Bynx Had Too Many Enemies to Know Who Did It" say Panama Police.

Panamanian officials announced today the "Mystery Creature" found dead near the town of Cerro Azul close to Panama City was in fact the famous sci-fi movie actor Jar Jar Bynx, well known for his Oscar wrecking performances in the later Star Warz movies.

"Connecting recent BigFoot sightings in Panama with Jar Jar Bynx's death is just speculation." said the Inspector for Alien and Strange Creature Homicide Investigations, Ruebben Raffael Rodolffo Ramirezz, Jr. "That smelly Sasquatch has caused plenty of chaos in Panama lately, but the hairy beast hasn't seriously hurt anyone yet, unless you count small furry animals and pigeons. I doubt this Sasquatch has a vendetta against movie actors, even really bad ones like Señor Bynx."

Georj Mukas, Jar Jar Bynx's Agent, released a statement to the press. "Jar Jar was in Central America preparing for his next big film. It was an action documentary, with Mr. Bynx in his first big starring role, leading a heroic quest searching for Antarctic Glaciers in Panama. It had such potential! He will be missed?" There are unconfirmed reports of spontaneous "I hate Bynx" anti-fan-club street parties sprouting like wild-fire across the globe. Riot police are responding in force.

Panama has been hit with a string of incredible sightings and attacks by BigFoot creatures recently. "This Jar Jar Bynx affair confirms something puzzling, pernicious and perplexing is going on in Panama!", according to Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, "I am saddened, Jar Jar Bynx (sniff) was the best actor who ever lived. Excuse me (sniff) but this is a very emotional moment for me." (blows nose)

See Jar Jar Bynx's LAST film appearance

Hallan Criatura Extraña en Cerro Azul!

British BigFoot Strikes Again!

Manchester "Man-Ape" Evades Heavy Police Dragnet at Piccadilly Station... Sasquatch Prefers First Class.

BigFoot spotted again in central Manchester, sparks frantic ape-man-hunt by police.

Erk Holohed, a passenger on the Manchester 17:30 Virggin Train to London, took this amazing photo of BigFoot hiding out in the first class car, eluding animal control officers and train station security.

"There I was, reading the Financial Tymes - - it may be pink but it's not red! Get it? Not 'red'? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! A little capitalism joke there. Right. So I put the FT down to grab my usual double bloody-mary from the table and promptly receive the shock o' me life! That hairy ape-man was sittin' right across from me! The odour radiating from that beast was quite beyond description, really. Enough to make one swear off tomato juice forever. The hairy man seemed anxious, and kept glancing out the window at all the security types running around - - like he was a fugitive on the run. I figured he was a Chelsea football fan, or another Yank billionaire looking to buy a Premier club. When the train pulled out of the station I looked up but the creature was long gone, only the stench remained."

Virggin Trains could not be reached for comment, but released a short statement that the first class carriage involved "is being systematically decontaminated, cleaned, sterilized, fumigated, irradiated, re-upholstered and incinerated, and will return to normal service in a fortnight after health inspector approvals."

Manchester BigFoot Takes Revenge Upon Local Pigeons!

Just hours before the Piccadilly Station police alert, a local shopper took this incredible photo of the Manchester man-ape roaming Piccadilly Gardens. "He wuz just hangin' around the square when he spotted them pigeons - - he suddenly turned quite nasty and mean - - deliberately scarin' them poor pigeons and makin' faces at them. Now our poor Piccadilly pigeons are quite edgy and traumatized. I think that bigfoot beast has a grudge against Manchester pigeons! Like he was takin' revenge on 'em for some reason. Them pigeons and that sasquatch creature really don't get along, to be honest."

Sasquatch Scene at Panama Park!

BigFoot Marches into Avenida Balboa Park Complex in Panama City - - Central District Business and Residents Evacuated!

Authorities confirmed that the same "sorry" Sasquatch that raided the still-recovering Panamanian luxury resort Buenaventura has badly damaged a public park along Avenida Balboa, triggering the temporary evacuation of several hotels and banks, and forced Panama Yacht Club members to quickly put out to sea in a chaotic scene 'straight out of Dunkirk".

Perplexed Panamanian Sasquatch Ponders Probable Park Potty Options: According to a surprised jogger who took this amazing photo, the Ape-man decided that since Bigfoots weren't drawn on the sign it was OK... It wasn't.

"Perhaps that hairy beast went to enjoy the ocean view", said a local lawyer, "pero he really messed things up. Qué desastre! But I am strangely happy in a legalistic sort of way. I expect client lawsuits from this BigFoot crisis, mucho dinero hay posible! I'm going after that hairy beast's offshore bank accounts... even his secret Swiss Sasquatch Stash. Estoy muy seguro de que podemos extrar mucho dinero de este fiasco Sasquatch, es un buen negocios!"

Blinng Drops Bombshell at Press Conference!

Giant Lizard Spotted in California Wine Country!

YETI Not SETI Institute Director Announces Discovery.... BigFoot Link Suspected.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the almost famous YETI Not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, made a stunning announcement today during a hastily arranged press conference at the Yuba City Holaday Innn, claiming proof that a giant lizard is roaming the northern California coastal range. Blinng displayed a photo received by email "from a trusted and reliable source, proving the existence of a Japanese Monster Lizard living in Sasquatch Territory". The three journalists who attended were dumbfounded with awe... "That lunatic actually thinks this stuff is real!" whispered a junior reporter.

The incredible photograph was taken by an eyewitness, Krass Ffffelps, a well-known jug wine vinologist. According to Mr. Ffffelps, the helicopter pilot barely escaped becoming Lizard Lunch. When questioned about possible doctoring of the photograph, Dr. Blinng fiercely responded, "Any fool can see this is authentic. I only paid that Krass guy $3,000 for this precious photograph... what a dupe he is, what a steal! This discovery is one of the crowning achievements of my illustrious career! Oh yes, they laughed at me in University, but who is laughing now, eh? The fools!"

British BigFoot Bothers Manchester!

Manchester Man-Ape Mystery: UK Sasquatch Spotted and on the Loose in England! Mancunians Gobsmacked by Hairy Intruder in Central Manchester...

Manchester Man-Ape Madness:

Incredible photo taken by a amazed local - - Note the absolutely blank and astonished looks from Pigeons sitting on Queen Victoria's monument as the BigFoot cruises past near Picadilly Station.

The English Sasquatch crashed minutes later into Albert Square in front of the Manchester Town Hall, nearly disrupting a large outdoor ceremony. According to witnesses, the creature looked "rather bothered", stumbling through the public square ducking his head and anxiously looking up over his shoulder. "The Man-Ape was harrassed by really, really, really irate dive-bombing pigeons who seemed to be attacking him from the direction of Picadilly", a nearby shopper said, "These was not your normally stupid, fat, pudgy and complacent Pigeons, these was your enraged Pigeons... they was daft Pigeons, they was!".

A University of Manchester expert on British Mythical Men-Apes urged caution, "I ask the public to remain calm, this could be a frightful case of mistaken identity - - clearly, from the photos I've seen, this filthy, unkept beast could actually be a lost Chelsea football fan".

Breaking News: New Manchester BigFoot Alert!

Sasquatch Pandemonium in Panama!

Perplexing Sightings of Hairy Beast Puts Panama in Panic!

Panama President Proclaims Possible Paleolithic Police Probe Probable....

Roaming far away from its normal unnatural habitat, a "tranquilo but very odorous" BigFoot was sighted strolling through the luxurious Buenaventura Resort, startling resort guests and causing many to flee to the local Spa until order was restored and fresh beach towels and chilled drinks were served.

"I saw him on the beach", said one employee, " the beast had la playa all to himself, especially downwind, the stench, it was horrible... the BigFoot was poking around the sand with a stick, looking for crabs, lost car keys and jewelry like a old man treasure hunting". One novela celebrity resort guest, recovering from mild shock, said "Oye, it was Mala-ventura time when that ape man showed up, but it's mucho mejor now, I have a piña colada and it came with a classy bamboo umbrella!"

Incredible photo taken by a resort guest, catching Bigfoot in full profile as he wandered the Buenaventura resort complex looking for Cerveza Panamá. Property values in the resort area plummeted 87% for a week after the animal's appearence, but appear to be slowly recovering. With Panama City only 80 miles away, government authorities are worried the "Panama BigFoot" may strike there next. "We are prepared", said one offical, "we have stockpiled fumigation sprays and air fresheners, we are ready for him!".

Bilbao BigFoot Binges on Modern Art at Guggenheim Museum

Sasquatch Cultural Experience at Guggenheim Ends Badly as Beast Mistakes Modern Art Masterpiece for Indoor Plumbing.

Tourists at the Bilbao Guggenheim caught this rare photograph of the Basque BigFoot wandering aimlessly from the museum with a stupified, blank and perplexed look on his face, having viewed hundreds of modern art works on display while being chased by security guards. "He spend some time looking at a Fire Alarm Button, thinking it was 20th Century pop art", said one witness.

No damage was done to the priceless art on display, except for a world famous sculpture entitled "Stuff My Kid Glued Together" by the acclaimed Tokyo avant-garde artist Ichi Misocrazi... BigFoot apparently thought the masterpiece was the Men's Room and used it in a valient attempt to conform to civilized norms regarding such matters. Art experts think the sculpture can be restored after delicate treatment with a fire-hose at full blast and treatment with acids and heavy detergents. Sasquatch was last seen running south towards Madrid, speculation runs wild that the Ape-Man is going to visit El Prado next.

BigFoot Boogie at Florida Beach Resort!

Sasquatch Squatter at Beach Resort causes Sensation! Florida in a Floozy!

National Dance Competition Judges give out Special BigFoot Awards.

Surprised guests at a Waterpark Beach Resort in Fort Walton Beach were completely stunned when they found a sleepy and serene Sasquatch gazing out at the Gulf of Mexico from their balcony. "The beast left by the balcony as soon as he saw us, he was very shy. It didn't trash the place, but we had to fumigate the condo to get rid of all the fleas he left behind!"

Sasquatch showed up at Fort Walton beach later that day, dumbfounding beach-goers and causing resort guests to flee to nearby bars and ice cream parlors. A roving gang of Jazz and Tap Dancers, attending a nearby national dance competition, spotted the hairy beast and proceded to choreograph a last-minute, skillful escape by using synchronized Pirouettes, Leaps and Turns to evade the smelly odors wafting down-wind from the creature. The troupe was awarded a "Platinum" for their newly created escape routine by dance competition judges. The Bigfoot was given a "High Gold" for best performance by an Aromatic Mythical or Extinct Missing-Link Creature, but received the lowest possible scoring, "Low Silver", for worrisome personal hygiene habits.