Sunday, July 1, 2018

Bigfoot Spotted by Fake Bigfoot!

Is it Real or is it Sasquatch Memorex? Bonafide Bigfoot sighted near Famous Fake Phoney!

Tourist photo ruined as Bigfoot Photo-Bombs Kodak Moment!
OMG. Which one is the real fake?
"This calls for serious investigation", said Dr. Karl Blinng, Chairman-for-life of the allegedly frugal but in reality frivolous SETI NOT YET Institute of Cryptozoology. "I'll pay $3,000 smackers for that photo. This proves there are real bigfoots in the area! Given my acknowledged expertise in this field, the fake Sasaquath is clearly on the right. The real Gigantopithicus Revoltus is on the left. You can't fool me, I'm no idiot."

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Desert Terror as Sasquatch Sighted in California Cactus Country!

Borrego Springs Serpent Surprisingly Shocked by Sasquatch Scare!

In an amazing eyewitness sighting only this terrifically amazing blog can bring you, an astounding tale of sandy Salton Sea Sasquatch scuttlebutt has been revealed in the California Desert. 

A bigfoot has been spotted running for its life, terrified of a Borrego Springs Serpent. "Now I know why no one goes here", said a crusty fool's gold prospector who saw the beast, "That place is one of the most desolate spots I've ever been to in my life, includin' Los Vegaas. Gives me the heebeejeebees. There I was diggin' around lookin' for fool's gold and this stinky ape beast come a roarin' right past me! It was frightened half to death, yep. Sure was. It was scared of that there snaky thing some crazy person stuck in the middle of the desert. I don't think that there apeman has much common sense.", said the prospector, tapping at his own craggy head.

Borrego Springs Beasties - - Alarmed Bigfoot Barely Survives Being Dinner.  
The apeman was spotted near Hellhole Palms later in the day, still fleeing the scary serpent thingy stuck in the desert.
Fleeing Bigfoot Spotted near Hellhole Palms. 
 Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the financially parched YETI not SETI Institute, was feeling desiccated. "I'm feeling dried out", said Blinng, "As in fiscally dried out. The SEC has sent us another friendly letter demanding we cease and desist from soliciting widows and orphans for donations to help fund my lifesty... er our important RESEARCH into Cryptozoology and Robustus Revoltus."

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI not SETI bored of directors, was feeling inspired. "I'm inspired! Watching 'American Greed' gave me hope for the Institute's financial woes. Who needs the SEC? Heck, who needs American Money? I've identified a deep pocket of potential investors... Crypto-Currency Buffs! Getting Crypto-Currency holders to invest some of their virtual Bitcoin and Ether into Crypto-zoology is a natural fit, a match made in heaven. We're setting up our online donation page as I speak. Gotta figure out what block-chain means first."

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Beach-combing Bigfoot Bothers Bathers!

Mission Bay mauled as cranky Sasquatch searches for missing links!

Mission Bay, San Diego's Water Wonderland, was transformed into a Water Wasteland when a 'senior citizen' Sasquatch was seen searching the sandy beach for sandy 'links' - - old wieners hurriedly left behind by disgusted tourists.
Elderly Sasquatch searching for an easy meal - - abandoned beach hot dogs.
"It was astounding", said a local beach bum, "I was on the beach with my metal detector, searching fer car keys, lost Spanish gold, and old bottle caps. I have collection of old bottle caps, you'll have to see them! All of sudden, this strange hairy beast sauntered by me.... then my detector went bonkers! I thought I'd found the big one! Instead, it was a pack of old buried hot-dogs. That beast snatched them quick and ran off chortling like an old man. What a wiener."
The Mission Bay Marauding Bigfoot was witnessed by two very shocked and traumatized seagulls. The SPCA and PETA plan to sue 'someone' over this mental torture of sea birds, they just haven't figured out how to sue a Bigfoot.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Fearless Leader of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in landlocked Yuba City, California, was excited. "Hot Dog!" said Blinng. "This is the perfect excuse, er, opportunity, to spend quality time in San Diego! A Sasquatch has been sighted on the beach! I'll need to research this crypto-amazing incident. I have a couple of luxury resorts in mind - - they will be perfect locations for a Bigfoot expedition HQ! All for science, of course."

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Bigfoot Sighting near Panamá City! More Pánico in Panamá!

Tropical Terror Titillates Taboga - - Island Paradise Punctured by Sasquatch Appearance!

The formerly peaceful, slow-placed "Island of Flowers" offshore from Panama City has become the "island of weeds" after an aromatic Sasquatch was spotted roaming the streets of Isla Taboga during the normally sleepy, mellow, and placid middle of the week.
Terrified Taboga Tourists gaping at waving Sasquatch.
Lulu Lomax, an appalled touristic Aggie day-tripping eyewitness, couldn't believe her eyes. "I couldn't believe my eyes! Nor my brain either! Here we were enjoying a quiet stroll down a quiet street in Taboga, when a hairy apeman jumped in front of us and started waving like a maniac! Oh sure, it looked friendly enough for an attitude adjusted ape-monster, but it wanted our fried yucca chips. Making unhealthy food choices combined with bad hygiene.... that Sasquatch suffers from high cholesterol levels and evil body odor, poor brute."

Another Aggie visitor, Keeeener Kmesz, was calm but curious.... "I'd heard about Sasquatches from my family up in Montana. There's even an ancient rumor that one of my great-great-great-grandmothers was part Sasquatch. But I looked down upon such drivel, and never believed these crypto-creatures could exist, until today. I've seen the furry beast with my own eyes! I gonna change my major to biomedical crypto-zoololgy... this is cool, I think? I hope it pays? Oh, make sure the 'K' is silent in my last name when you write your world-scoop news story."
Only mad dogs and bigfoots go out in the mid-day sun. 
The siesta hour mean streets of Taboga quickly emptied of formerly relaxed people, indifferent dogs, calm cats, and confused chickens as word spread of the amazingly sanguine Sasquatch Sighting.

Safety First? Sasquatch ignoring "PELIGRO WARNING: BIGFOOTS" signage at Restinga Beach. 
Erk Holohed, a member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, which is dedicated to the study of crypto-zoological creatures and the fleecing of unsuspecting Institutional investors, was not amused. "I'm not amused. This Bigfoot island attack hit too close to home. I was on Isla Taboga that same day, conducting an important experiment measuring the cumulative effects Cerveza Panamá, Ceviche, Patacones, Cerveza Panamá, and Seco have on the human brain. All paid for by a Federal Government research grant! Suckers. But that ape-beast almost ruined my experiment! Good thing I didn't include fried yucca chips in the dosage scheme."

Historical Bigfoot Sightings in Panamá:

Friday, April 13, 2018

Antipodal Sasquatch Attacks Again!

Agonizing Amazement in Antarctica! 'Snow Cone' Bigfoot Attacks Another Frozen Treat Research Center.

Just as an abnormally chill Antarctic scientific research community recovers from a incredible Bigfoot attack on a top secret Snow Cone R&D facility, another shockingly sickening simian raid has occurred on a Latin American funded raspao ice sourcing expedition.

"Si, I was there when the apeman attacked!", said a senior scientist from the Panama Raspao Technology and Optimization Project, POTRP - Proyecto de Optimización y Tecnología Raspao de Panamá. "It was horible, muy malo. We were sooooooo close to creating the perfect ice for raspao. This new ice would have revolutionized the domestic raspao industry. Now, disaster! This ape ruined everything. All is contaminated. Perhaps we can create better ice cubes for jugo de naranja y seco, but that is a sad consolation. Muy interesente, we found a unique form of yellow snow near the ruined raspao ice columns. It looks like limones. Tastes like papas fritas rancias. We will take this yellow snow sample back to Panamá and analyze it... we've found a formidable new raspao flavor!"
The Antarctic Sasquatch before his assault on massive raspao research ice columns.

Hairy Bigfoot contaminating precious Antarctic raspao ice columns. Months of research destroyed. 
Fortunately for the YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE but unfortunately for our intrepid, trusting, but totally fooled unpaid intern, Jassyka Blinng once again experienced a shocking in-your-face and in-your-nose Antarctic Sasquatch sighting. "I can't believe it! After the earlier Bigfoot attack, I've been terribly traumatized. Now this new attack. Those clowns at the institute told me I'd have fun in the snow! They said there was a ski lodge here. What crooks! I'd sue that so-called 'Institute' for fraud if they had any funds."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the Institute, was touchy and defensive about the decision to send an unpaid intern into such dangerous circumstances. "So I'm a bit touchy and defensive today, OK? My submitted expert article to Sasquatch Theoretical Journal was rejected, again. And hey, whoever said the pursuit of deep-freeze scientific knowledge was easy? Besides, Ms. Blinng signed a well-covered liability waiver before she left on that icy expedition. Legally, we're totally in the clear. Our lawyer Ricard Scheister assures me we'll beat any rap. Who wouldn't trust a lawyer named Scheister?"

Erk Holohed, a member of the institute's bored of directors, tweeted an unauthorized update on raspao - - "I love Raspao! Especially this new limón flavor. #yellowsnow".

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Antarctic Anarchy as Snowy Sasquatch Sighted!

Abominable Apeman Assaults Antarctic Research Project!
Frozen Anthropologists Astounded! 

Reports are thawing out that a recent Antarctica science research expedition was frozen into shock when an unwelcome Sasquatch disrupted a top-secret snow-cone R&D research project. "I was amazed when I saw the hairy creature!", said a member of the science team, "I froze solid in sheer fright from seeing the beast - - I was already semi-frostbit due to the generally miserable weather conditions.  When I signed up for this stupid expedition they said we're going to someplace warm and balmy. They meant the ice igloos we made for emergency shelters. Liars."
Antarctic Bigfoot caught on camera, marauding the unsuspecting snow-cone research center. 
Months of precious snow-cone R&D work was destroyed by the Bigfoot, or abandoned by the team as the area was hastily evacuated. "This rivals the Scott Expedition in terms of Antarctic disasters.", said a veteran snow-flake researcher, "Snow. Ice. Wind-Chill. Howling Gales. Snow. Untold Misery. Snow. Boring Food. Snow. And then Sasquatch - - that apeman was the straw that broke the penguin's back".
The beast traversing the ice fields after rampaging through the snow-cone R&D zone. 
The YETI Not SETI Institute was unlucky enough to have sent a naive but clueless laboratory intern on the ill-fated snow-cone expedition into the depths of Antarctica's frozen wastes. Jassyka Blinng survived the Sasquatch attack, but between sasquatch shock and frostbit fingers doctors say she may never be the same. She is considering changing her major to the study of hot, humid, hot, tropical rainforest Mollusca Gastropoda.

However, Jassyka was upbeat about the snow-cone expedition. "You know, even with the Antarctic Bigfoot nastiness and the loss of our research, we did discover a peculiar yellow snow in the area. It has a most interesting taste, sort of like rancid tater tots aren't. We've sampled this 'lemon' snow for further chemical analysis. The world may savor a novel new snow-cone flavor soon!"

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Caribbean Crazy Over Island Sasquatch Sighting!

Bigfoot Spotted on Grand Cayman Island - - Experts Shocked!

A sullen sub-tropical Sasquatch has been spotted mingling with oblivious tourists in George Town, Grand Cayman Island. Panic was avoided as tourists and locals thought the beast was part of a performing street artiste group. It was only when the animal upended a trash bin looking for stale sushi did people suspect this was no show.

Flummoxed local police authorities have been unable to capture the crafty creature. "Not much happens here on Grand Cayman in terms of your average criminal behavior", said an obsessed government spokesman, "Oh sure we get Yanks driving on the wrong side of the street. We get golf balls hitting luxury condominium windows.... and we get a lot of laundry business in our banks. We're proud of our financial industry... these banks have huge washing machines in the basement. They'll even offer free dry cleaning while you wait. Dollars, Pounds, Euros, Bolivares... it's all legit, I can assure you!"
Grand Cayman Sasquatch Sniffing for Stale Sushi.
The Sasquatch disappeared from the island after a day of balmy havoc and hissy fits. It's suspected the beast was a stowaway on one of the fleet of cruise ships which invade Grand Cayman on a daily basis. The local population is hoping he skulked aboard one of those ships.
Beastie Bigfoot Spotted on South Church Street. 
"Look, I was there when the bigfoot fiasco happened on Grand Cayman. This beast poses a real threat to global sushi shipping and the crazy cruise ship industry", said Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the SETI NOT YETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, California. "Those Bigfoots are mostly idiots. They have a brain the size of a walnut. If you can't expect a typical cruise ship tourist to get on the right shuttle craft back to their ship, how do you expect an Ape Man to do the same? They can't read! That Bigfoot could be anywhere in the world right now, terrorizing port after port. Imagine if it stowed away on a submarine? Egads."

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Cruise Ship Chaos from Bigfoot Sighting!

Bigfoot Stowaway on Caribbean Cruise Ship!

In a shocking development for the out-to-sea tourism industry, the real reason a cruise ship recently turned back to port was NOT a massive case of odoriferous passenger gastro-intestinal problems. Nor was the cancellation due to a lack of alcohol and clever towel sculptures on board. No!

We know the real reason. It's almost too shocking to tell the public. In fact, the truth would be irresponsible to share. This news can cause widespread panic!

OK, here's what happened:

A sneaky Sasquatch slipped on board a docked cruise ship in Texas, searching for random leftover chicken wings and flat beer. These ignorant beasts don't understand departure times, and this poor animal was trapped on board when the ship pulled away from port.

SOS! Sasquatch On Ship! 
Amazingly, the marooned bigfoot wasn't spotted until the third day of a seven day cruise by crew members. Whenever a passenger saw the Sasquatch, crew members nimbly explained that the hairy beast was an actor in costume preparing for the famous "Hollywood Regurgitated" Theme Show in the Star-Light Lounge later in the week.
Bigfoot - Master and Commander of Grand Cayman Harbor.
This alarming hairy situation was successfully kept secret for a few days. Since passengers were either happily inebriated, lost in the vast water park, bidding on famous knock-off paintings, or purchasing luxurious rubberized $300 arch-supports in the Spa, they were blissfully unaware of the furry flea-bitten danger in their midst. 
Concerned Cruise Ship Passengers attend Emergency Bigfoot Meeting. Free champagne for all. 
Eventually the nasty secret came out when the Sasquatch did a large belly flop into the main pool during a reggae jam. A memorable tidal wave and panic ensued at that point. Passengers where calmed by sugary adult beverages with fancy umbrellas stuck in them.
The famous masterpiece "Doggie Stairway to Heaven" on display in the art gallery was miraculously saved from malicious Sasquatch damage.
Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors for the YETI not SETI Institute in landlocked Yuba City, California, was an eyewitness to the stowaway bigfoot. "It was horrible. Knowing that you're trapped on a ship with 2,000 drunk fools... oh yeah and that dangerous bigfoot. We were lucky to escape with our lives! Good thing my precious artwork purchased at auction on board the ship survived. What an investment. I'll put 'em next to my Toomas Kincaid collection!"

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Horror in Hawaii - Bigfoot Trashes Nature Preserve!

Savage Sasquatch chases endangered species from Kauai Nature Park! Federal Superfund site disaster zone requested.

The formerly idyllic island of Kauai has been temperamentally traumatized by a rogue Bigfoot. A local ranger, Rick, described the catastrophe "How this hairy beast got here is beyond us. It didn't pay an entrance fee. It just suddenly appeared in the park and chased off the masses of mainland tourists, scared all our rare endangered species of nematodes into hiding, and intimidated local random surf bums. It will take years for this rare ecosystem to recover. Years! I feel faint."

Biodiversity? Not any more!
Sasquatch hunters speculate the beast wasn't targeting nematodes as prey, so much as scavenging for left over fried snack foods. "Oily fried food is the furry beast's favorite meal!", said an Ancient Aliens and Sasquatch expert.
Sasquatch Photobomb: Ruining a perfectly good Kauai photo. 
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in not-Hawaii Yuba City, was optimistic. "I'm optimistic, you know. Those nasty nematodes will eventually return to their native habitat. If the park needs more nematodes, I can provide them. I have them in my backyard. My doctor said I have some in my brain, too, which sort of explains my personality? I can ship some in a biohazard box. All I need to get started is a nice donation to my personal trust fund in the name of the institute, that will work nicely!"

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Blockbuster Bigfoot Movie Planned - Target Market Excited!

Blinng Productions Announces New Bigfoot Movie Plans!

What the world needs is a new Sasquatch Documentary, and Blinng Productions™ are just the people moronic enough to do it!

Dr. Karl Blinng is busy fleecing, er, acquiring, sufficient funds from suitably naive investors to get started on his masterpiece.

"We don't have a script. Or actors. Or Bigfoots. But that won't stop us! This Bigfoot movie will be the greatest hit since Jar-Jar Binks astounded the world in his stupendous Star Bores films!"

Blinng Studios™ have released a promotional poster for the film, targeting widows, orphans, bitcoin investors and other types of wily investors. We're hopefully assuming the studio obtained legal permission to use this unpaid actress's image:
Bigfoot Bonanza Planned. Hollywood is Scared!
Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute bored of directors, acknowledges there is risk in this venture. "Yes, we know we're aiming amazingly low with this film, but we know our audience. We have no expertise, no funding, no talent, and looking at Blinng in action - - no brains. But it doesn't matter!  We'll dub the thing in Spanish and Mandarin - - then make a mint in the overseas markets. If we get a really rotten tomatoes rating, it won't matter! Now to get those bitcoin investors to pay up..."