Florida Theme Parks put on Alert for "Smelly Large Hairy Apeman - - Not a Mouse with Big Ears".....
Orlando Florida, the "Happiest Place on Earth" except for Blagoevgradski Bulgaria, is recovering from unprecedented BigFoot attacks on International Drive, causing plummeting hotel reservations to strike the very heart of the tacky tourist industry vital to Central Florida's economy.
Orlando Turned Upside Down by Sasquatch:
BigFoot attacks Orlando Florida Building. Amazing photo taken by a Wally World tourist from Tuffluk, Texas. "I couldn't believe it, this really furry, stinky monkey-man jogs down International Drive and this here building literally gets scared to death and flops right over with its legs in the air! Sorta like a dead armadillo... all it needed was a Lone Star Beer on top to finish the job!" Local officials said the upside-down building can be turned over again for around $5 million Canadian, but may keep the stricken structure just the way it is, "Hey, this could become another tacky tourist attraction!", said an Orlando city councilwoman.
Sasquatch Taunts Ripley's Believe It or Not Florida Believes! Amazing photo taken by a victim who ran straight into BigFoot in front of Ripley's Believe It or Not on International Drive. "That beast wrecked my day and my life!" said a nervous tourist from Panico, Panama. "I become muy queasy and I pass out from the aromas horibles the animal belched. When I wake up I stumbled to the nearest cantina and stayed until closing time".
Ripley's issued a "no comment", but rumors swirling around Univerzal Studioos abound that Sasquatch caused major damage to the building's exterior and shocked a priceless Romanesque statue into freezing in abject fear. News that Ripley's was offering the mysterious creature $3 million Zimbabwe for an exclusive exhibition contract was denied. "Believe it Not!" said a distracted spokesman.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, was over-excited. "At last! A chance to hunt for semi-bogus BigFoots in Florida and finally experience my childhood dream ride... 'It's a Small World'. I am so happy. The theme song is cool (I have it on my Walkman) and the ride is super scary. It makes Magic Mountain look like a walk in the park. Do they take E-Tickets?".
This is the second time in less than a week Orlando's tacky tourist heart has been hit with Bigfoot badness.
1 comment:
Oy, vey! I heard straight from a Wisconsonite visiting the area that the beast was nearly as tall as a Miami Heat forward! And much more smelly!
Anonymous
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