Perplexing Sightings of Hairy Beast Puts Panama in Panic!
Panama President Proclaims Possible Paleolithic Police Probe Probable....
Roaming far away from its normal unnatural habitat, a "tranquilo but very odorous" BigFoot was sighted strolling through the luxurious Buenaventura Resort, startling resort guests and causing many to flee to the local Spa until order was restored and fresh beach towels and chilled drinks were served.
"I saw him on the beach", said one employee, " the beast had la playa all to himself, especially downwind, the stench, it was horrible... the BigFoot was poking around the sand with a stick, looking for crabs, lost car keys and jewelry like a old man treasure hunting". One novela celebrity resort guest, recovering from mild shock, said "Oye, it was Mala-ventura time when that ape man showed up, but it's mucho mejor now, I have a piña colada and it came with a classy bamboo umbrella!"
Incredible photo taken by a resort guest, catching Bigfoot in full profile as he wandered the Buenaventura resort complex looking for Cerveza Panamá. Property values in the resort area plummeted 87% for a week after the animal's appearence, but appear to be slowly recovering. With Panama City only 80 miles away, government authorities are worried the "Panama BigFoot" may strike there next. "We are prepared", said one offical, "we have stockpiled fumigation sprays and air fresheners, we are ready for him!".