Sunday, February 21, 2010

BigFoot Scandal at Vancouver Olympics!

Who's Your Daddy, eh?
Is Quatchi the Sasquatch Mascot a Fake?

Vancouver Olympic Committee on Defense! Again!

Does Olympic Mascot Quatchi have a single shred of BigFoot DNA in its bones? Or are we taking Marmot Impostor?!

Yet another scandal has erupted at this year's Vancouver Winter Olympics Games, as professional BigFoot experts across the world accuse the Winter Olympics Committee of using a miserable marmot mascot in place of a real Sasquatch.

"If that Marmot Mascot, this so-called 'Qautchi', is a real BigFoot, then the Sasquatchology Ph.D. diploma on my wall came from a real university, and it don't!", thundered Canadian Sasquatch expert and curling champion Katii Deeham. "Who are they trying to fool, eh? That pathetic mascot is nothing but a fat, lazy out-of-shape Marmot dressed up to play Ice Hockey. He can't even hold his hockey stick right, eh? How are we Canadians going to take the podium with players like that?!"

Located in the Epicenter of BigFoot's homeland, Vancouver has long been the site of numerous Sasquatch sightings. "We think one of 'em was even Mayor, eh?" said a local, "A pretty good one too!".

Dr. Blinng from the YETI not SETI institute immediately issued a statement, "I'll pay $3,000 Canadian for a DNA sample from that 'Quatchi' fellow and $35.00 for that Hockey stick if he signs it!".

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Royal BigFoot Mess?

Queen's Train crosses paths with British BigFoot - -
Sasquatch Security Cover-up Denied!

The Royal Person Proctection Service are mum about a run-in between HRM Queen Elizabeth II and a "smelly and foul" British BigFoot. Rumours concerning odiferous threats to her royal olfactory senses have been whirling around London ever since her Majesty took a train (First Class, not to worry) to the royal Sandringham Estate in England for Christmas.

Alarming photos prove a Sasquatch with horrible personal hygiene haunted the greater London area train system during the Queen's trip. Did their paths cross?! Government security services are not talking.

The Elusive East End Sasquatch - Is This It?
BigFoot Spotted at Liverpool Street Station London!  This Amazing photo of a bungling British BigFoot caught by a surprised commuter coming out of London's Liverpool Street Tube Station - - "Blimey! You could smell 'em before you could see 'em! He needs a bath, he does!"

London Bigfoot spotted at Liverpool Station.
BigFoot Infiltrates Liverpool Street Station!  An amazing photo of British BigFoot lurking around Liverpool Street Train Station. Eyewitness Erk Holohed was highly alarmed; "Right, it's been a long business day, yeah? It's time to relax, have a smart double gin and tonic, read FT and find vulnerable widow and orphan stocks to ruthlessly short... but sadly, this odious animal stumbles into the station smelling like 4 week old rubbish, stenches up the place and causes panic. The hairy beast's fumes even set off a fire alarm! The beast boarded a train to Norfolk, the poor blighters."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the famous YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, was vindicated. "Hah!, I warned Buckingham Palace about dangerous Sasquatch UK train spotters. I offered my services for a reasonable consulting fee (cash please, unmarked bills, no Euros). I could have tracked down these bloody BigFoots roaming Albion, but did they listen? No! Instead, they contact the FBI and tell them I'm mentally deranged, a scheming quack, and a fraud!
I am shocked!
Buckingham Palace got it all wrong, I'm not deranged, what fools!"