Saturday, February 14, 2015

Serious People Seeking Serious Sasquatch Stash!

YETI not SETI Institute News Flash:

Amazing but true, BIGFOOT PROJECT INVESTMENTS INC is planning an Initial Public Offering for stock in the company on NASDAQ. We are not making this up.

Learn more about this innovative financial engineering move* to fund more Bigfoot research activities:

Bigfoot is an Investment Opportunity.

*We're really annoyed we didn't think of this first!

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Secret Sasquatch Elected to Political Office?

Statesman Steals Election with Scurrilous Sasquatch Scandal?

Reaching a new low in political campaigns, a politician has resorted to bashing Bigfoots in order to win an election.

Kung-Fu will not work on a Bigfoot. Everyone knows that!
Ricard Scheister, Esq., Etc, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute board of directors, was judicially jaundiced and emotive;

"I was in a state of panic, er, a state of Washington, last fall, working on a lucrative, superfluous lawsuit aimed at some poor putz with deep-pockets."

"To my utter shock, I saw this bigoted bigfoot campaign poster prominently displayed at a local liquor store parking lot where I was conducting business, errr, research. It was horrible!"

"To vilify a poor and defenseless constituency like Sasquatches as a cheap tactic to buy votes is deplorable... damn I wish I'd thought of it first, my political career would have skyrocketed. Well, no matter... this looks like the makings of a first-class class-action lawsuit. This could make me millions!"

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, was sadly philosophical; "I am sad and feeling weirdly philosophical today. Why do people try to exploit Bigfoots for personal gain, on their own? Why do people seek to sully Sasquatch to enrich themselves? Why the heck don't they ask me for help, subject to the usual consulting and royalty fees commiserate with my ample expertise? Why, oh why? What fools!"

Erk Holohed, yet another senior Yeti not Seti board member, insisted there was a larger conspiracy at work than mere political expediency against Bigfoots; "Don't you see? THEY are putting Bigfoots into political office! How many of our politicians look and act like Bigfoots? When ready, THEY are going to launch a Sasquatch Coup and that's when THEY will allow Space Aliens to start buying used Hondas for mass exportation to their home world, emptying our planet of precious Accords.
The dots are all there, my friends.... start connecting them! Better buy fools-gold and greeky-yogurt now and store them under your mattress!"