Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Sasquatch Sabatoge at Shakespeare Festival!

"Lunatic Yeti" Barges into Oregon Shakespeare Festival - - Causes Comedy of Errors!

A lost wild Yeti infiltrated the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, wondering the streets of Ashland and amazing local residents. "Hey, I thought he was a Shakespeare tourist.... we get some weird ones here. That ape beast just sauntered down the street like he owned the town!", said one old-timer, enjoying cold Bigfoot Ales. "Believe me, I've seen it all, but never in my wildest midsummer night's dreams did I think a Yeti would steal my beer! An amazing beast.... too bad about its body odor - - that stench could melt a Sherman tank at 30 yards."

The beast caused a chaotic mess when it was mistaken for an avant-garde actor playing an inebriated Sir Toby Belch in the "Twelfth Night". Accidently stumbling on stage during the play, the beast improvised, fooling the audience until chased away by security and enraged theater critics. The New York Times said the performance by the Yeti was "Revolutionary, stunning, furry and dramatic - - a gamey 'back-to-nature' breakthrough in novel Shakespeare interpretations. Even the fleas looked realistic!". Festival organizers are searching for the beast to give him a contract for 2011. "Oh well, all's well that ends well." said one duped actor. The audience gave the Yeti a standing ovation, then were immediately directed to a hastily built delousing tent.

Was Shakespeare a BigFoot?

Breaking Sasquatch News: A rare 1607 painting of William Shakespeare, discovered last year at a garage sale in Somerset, England, has sparked furious debate amongst Shakespearean academicians across the world. Was the Bard a Bigfoot? Rumors are flying that the painting will be put to auction by Sotheby's this fall in London.

"I'll buy that Shakespeare Sasquatch picture for $3,000!"  said Dr. Karl Blinng, "It will look great next to my velvet 'Dogs Playing Poker' poster."

Director of the YET NOT SETI Institute in scenic Yuba City, Calfornia, Blinng was philosophical in a pre-k sort of way. "This is soooo much ado about nothing!" fumed Blinng, "If anyone had asked ME about that Oregon incident, I'd have told them this was no surprise. Yetis are white haired Sasquatch, and it is a known fact that Sasquatches love cultures, especially in yogurt. Measure for measure, these beasts appreciate art in their missing-link sort of way. What they REALLY crave are Bigfoot Ale, Arnold Schwarzenegger action movies, Animal Planet TV, and all kinds of junk food." BigFoot Sightings continues to bring you the LATEST in incredible Sasquatch and Yeti alerts and news, as you like it!


KarlBlingPhD said...

Joe Bob and Elmer have broken out of jail in Chico. They are headed to Oregon to chase the yeti through the Cascades. Afterwards, to France. Rumor has it Lanze Armchair has been Bigfoot Blood doping.

KarlBlingPhD said...

Elmer and Joe Bob report that the Oregon incident was a complete comedy of errors. The whole thing was much ado about nothing and they are now headed to the mountains to find the yeti. They have the contract from OSF to try to get the yeti to sign. More updates to come.

Morimoto said...

$3000 to anyone who brings me the yeti. I'm going to take on Bobby Flay in a battle yeti in kitchen stadium.

BTW, has anyone found the gorn yet?