Saturday, June 26, 2010

Sasquatch World Cup Disaster - - FRANCE SURRENDERS to FRANCE!

BigFoot Hormone Abuse PRIME SUSPECT in France World Cup CATASTROPHE.

Déjà vu! "It was 1940, 1871 and 1812 all over again."

French National Team Football Players and Coaches under scrutiny... "Sasquatch Juice made us Slow and Stupid."

French football experts are dumbfounded by the self-destructive collapse of the national World Cup team this week. "Sacré bleu, theese imbéciles have disgraced le honneur of France! Their minds, they turned into zeee mush, non? I am certain zzat zzey were all taking zzat Bigfoot hormone dangereux. We nationalize the team, ban le café time and make retirement mandatory age 32! We will be quite harsh regarding zeees affair saasquatch." said Madame Sports Minister Roswyne Bashalot. Rumors of a guillotine being prepared in Paris were denied.

Many World Cup players at 2010 South Africa are suspected of taking illegal BigFoot hormones, but entire teams and coaching staff taking the nasty stuff was not suspected until France's novel display of malaise du football.

In an exclusive interview, FIIFA President Siqq Bladder, age 997, said "It is regrettable that a World Cup team has allegedly used illegal Sasquatch hormones in a misguided effort to boost success on the pitch. These wild Bigfoot hormones are quite dangerous with horrible side-effects. Players and coaches become slow, sluggish, thuggish, lazy, unimaginative during play, and collectively dumb as a rock. Body odors are badly affected. Fleas become a problem. It is not only the French team... we are investigating the Italian team, we suspect they have been using this Bigfoot junk for years!"

"We are aware of irritating noises made concerning our Referees, who stole two good goals from the USA, kept Ireland out of the Cup, and did major damage to other football teams during group play. People say our Refs are using Bigfoot hormones also. They are wrong! Ha ha ha! How naive. FIIFA is an imperial power far beyond mere nations... these Referees are merely following my orders. Our secret conspiracy is to make sure Brazil and Germany are in the final, and the others are OUT! Ooops, I never said that.... guards, arrest these peasants and hold them until 2014!"


Anonymous said...

On behalf of the German World Cup team, I vud like to say a big "Danka" to our friendly World Cup Referee who disallowed England's second goal today! Sure, it vas a gud gool but who cares? That would have tied the game at 2-2 und endanger our 2010 FIIFA plans... vee vud not be happy about that!

Vell, vee vent on to really beat up these Englises anyway, 4 to 1. Go home and cry like the spoiled babies yu are!

I vant to tank Herr Siqq Bladder mit FIIFA for his help. The conspiracy is working! ;)

Alles ist nach unseren geheimen Plan geht, ja?


Exekutive Joachim Looeew

KarlBlingPhD said...

The French are imbeciles.
The whole sporting world knows that Bigfoot Hormones are dangerous and Bigfoot blood doping virtually undetectable.

Speaking of which, I'd be happy to have Joe Bob and Elmer analyze any samples using the CRAP machine for Bigfoot blood doping. (once they get out of jail in Chico)
Price only $3000 per sample.

Anonymous said...

We are not hiding our mistakes or the mistakes of the referees on the field of play. We Glorify them.

We are proud of the role we played in the conspiracy to get Germany and Brazil in the final! We almost did it too....
Let these peasants, these so-called 'fans', rant and rave. They can even threaten us with instant replay. Fools, that will never happen as long as that noble and ancient fossil Siqq Bladder is our leader!

Jose Maria Garrcia-Arranda
FIIFA Referees Manager