Breaking News: "Blithering" BigFoot Spotted at Top Secret National Laboratory - - Sparks Sasquatch Security Search!
Just days after publicity-seekers crashed a White House Dinner, an "unwashed" Bigfoot has barged into a high security national R&D complex in Livermore, California. A local Livermoron claims the furry creature never saw the "really top-super-secret ultra-classified need-to-know, if-I-tell-you-I-have-to-kill-you stuff... like the flying saucer technologies, the time-travel building or the Roswell Aliens stacked like cork wood and stored in a deep-freeze.... hey.... I never talked... you got it?!"
|Serious Sasquatch Security Breakdown at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.|
Lost Wente Winery tourists poking around the Laboratory's Top Secret Visitors Center (open 10 to 4, free admission) came face-to-face with the hairy apeman; "I was shocked, that ferocious fur-ball needs major dental work.", said eyewitness Patrizia Halversump, "When that crude creature spotted a photo of Governor Aunold Schwarzenegger touring the LLNL National Ignition Center, he went nuts. The BigFoot jumped up and down yelling 'Coooo-an! Coooo-an!' You could see nasty fleas jumping off his fur, what a perfectly disgusting animal!"
The Fresno BigFoot Investigations (FBI) agency has figured out the monkey-man's motives... "This Sasquatch was not a spy, nyet, ahhh, I mean nooooooo... that BigFoot was looking for Conan the Barbarian".
"OK, yeah sure, we lost time solving this mystery. We thought the Apeman was saying "Cohen the Barbarian", an honest mistake, OK? Dr. Blinng at the Yeti not Seti Institute cracked the case after we paid him 34 dollars and 28 cents cash up-front... a stiff price, but it was worth it."
Livermore Police are stumped, "Why does this stupid Sasquatch keep coming back here? What did we ever do to that mangy primate?"
|Looking for Arnold? LLNL Sasquatch Sighting.|
"Looking for Aunold."