Thursday, December 22, 2016

Bigfoot Trashes Research Laboratory!

No Nobel Prize for Science This Year:

Frozen Sasquatch Escapes Prestigious Cryptozoology Laboratory!

A heavy, hairy, harrowing blow was struck against pseudo-science this week when an authentic, bonafide, we-kid-you-not Sasquatch specimen was accidentally defrosted at the prestigious SCRAPPS San Diego research center, resulting in the only know living specimen of Gigantopithicus Revoltus Revoltus escaping into the badlands of San Diego.
When the lab freezer temperature accidentally reached 0 degrees Celsius very bad things began to happen.
"It was an intern undergrad student that screwed up. Typical!", said a senior researcher at the SCRAPPS Centre for Advanced Tepid Temperature Fusion Research lab, SCATT. "I advised the executive research committee to start hiring real graduate students... they work cheap, they follow orders, and they don't complain. But No! They didn't listen. Oh, we took precautions. We knew from prior research that Cold Fusion wasn't the right approach. But Tepid Fusion, ah... that had promise, based on the data. The Sasquatch was our missing link to success. But NOW look what happened. Our meal-ticket to Scientific Stardom and Nobel Prize Easy Street just walked out the door! Excuse me, I have to write another demeaning research grant proposal now, sigh."
Caught on Camera: Defrosted Sasquatch Terrorizes Tepid-Fusion Research Laboratory.
San Diego's hard-pressed police are on double watch, as in Bay Watch. "Yeah, we don't do much on land, we tend to focus on the beaches and salt water.", said an officer. "Them Ancient Alien Ape-Men types just don't like to stick around the beach much. They're scared silly of them large ocean fishes pooping in the water. That beast is long gone and headed to Amarillo."
Defrosting Bigfoot Lab Escapee Stumbling on SCRAPPS Pier. 
Karl Blinng, Ph.D. and Director of the prestigious YET NOT SETI Institute in semi-serious Yuba City, California, was highly disappointed. "I'm highly disappointed from the untimely defrosting and escape of that precious simian sample.", said Blinng. "I had $3,000 in real Venezuelan Bolivars ready to give the SCRAPPS Research Institute for the hairy beast. This time I was sure I wasn't being set up for yet another expensive rubberized Sasquatch joke... scientists don't have much of a sense of humor, you know. So close.... we must find that beast!"

BigFoot Spotted at Top Secret National Laboratory - - Sparks Sasquatch Security Search.


Kiki Durhnasium said...

I've been to SCATT. SCATT is very loose, securitically speaking. This latest release really stinks. That's some cold fusion, man.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, lax lab security, a formerly frozen scary Sasquatch roaming free, official indifference, besmirching graduate students, yet another mention of Dr. Blinng . . . there simply has to be a pointless but lucrative lawsuit in this somewhere.

Ricard Scheister, JD, Bf.D