Sunday, April 25, 2010

BigFoot Romps Through California State Capitol!

Sasquatch Meets Governator. State Police Not Amused....

Easily entertained but shell-shocked tourists claimed a 'sour smelling' Sasquatch ran past the Capitol security checkpoint but then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the Caulyfornia Governator, Aunold Alios Schwarzenegger in a video just inside the building... 
"The monkey-beast was mesmerized, like a kid watching TV.", said an ice cube lobbyist. "The ape-man thought Aunould was inside the flat-screen... he  jumped up and down yelling 'koooan! koooan!', then he ran down the hall chased by a wild-eyed state trooper. Man, you should have seen the fleas on that guy.... and on the Sasquatch too!"

Caught by state security camera... the BigFoot intruder runs past the Governator's office. "He looked scared silly" said a silly state assemblyman, who should know what silly is.

Sasquatch runs away: Chased by Capitol security, BigFoot bolted outside in panic through a 'No Exit' side-door, setting off exit alarms and triggering a massive ape-man hunt on the Capitol grounds..... "That fur-bag saw a large bear in front of Arnie's office and thought it was going to eat him. He flipped-out... I mean he lost it. He screamed like a little girl and ran away. What a wus!"

Sasquatch evades capture attempt! Escaping the Capitol building, the wiley BigFoot evaded a state police dragnet on the Capitol grounds and ran off in the direction of the Caulifornya Leek of Citiez. No permanent damage was done by the blundering Bigfoot,  but several indoor air quality monitors 'went off the charts' during the ape-man invasion. Experts say it will take weeks to fumigate the building.

Why did a wild BigFoot barge into the California State Capitol in Sacramento? Experts are clueless, again. "BigFoots hold Governator Aunold in high regard and treat him as a cult hero. We saw this fenonermone... phenomecon... ahhh... this stuff happen last year in Livermore" said the BigFoot Investigations Agency in Fresno, California. "These beasts think "Conan The Barbarian" is a documentary. Sasquatches can't read or write, but they know fine cinema when they see it. Word on the street is that they like "Predator" too. They don't like romantic comedies."

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Yeti Fight Photos obtained!

Dr. Blinng has 'astounded' the world yet again. In a hastily called press conference at the Yuba City Holliday Inn's All You Can Eat Buffet Room, Dr. Blinng announced the possession of incredible photos proving the existence not only of Yetis, but also the nasty lizard space race known as the Gorn.

"Oh Yeah! Scoreboard ME over that Yeti faker Dim Wit Chann in Tibet! I have definitive photos of Yeti. And I got a GORN included for the same price! I only paid $3,000 a photo.... what a coup!" gloated Blinng. "In your face, Dim Wit!"

Horac Dorkilife, president of the Philadelphia Star Twreck Captain Kirk versus Gorn fan club, was estatic, "Way cool! This is fantastic! We knew that Gorn were spotted in the Star Twreck Next Generation episode 23 in 1999 and in the Mahrval Comic book series in 2007, but to have real live photos of a real Gorn is more than we could ever have hoped for! I have to go now, Mom says it's time for dinner."

Amazing photo above: 
Gorn: "Snow Monkey-man, I grow weary of the chase and your stench. Come to me.. I will be quick and merciful." The abominable snowman (Yeti) is taunted in a fight-to-the-death struggle with the anti-social Gorn. According to the mysterious photographer who sold the pricey photos to Dr. Blinng, the fight took place "somewhere in the high Himalayas... you wouldn't know it".

Amazing photo right, er above?
Yeti-man about to slam Gorn goon into the snow. "That Yeti guy makes Captain Kirk look a  little whimpy, yeah?", said a press conference attendee, "I mean, Kirk had to cheat and use gun powder, right? This here Yeti just picks up that ugly Gorn and throws him from Tibet to India!"

Learn more about the Gorn and why they make great neighbors!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Junk Food Causes BigFoot Panic at High School

Cheese Puffs Trigger Sasquatch Savagery - - Sorry Students run for lives!
Sacramento Police, already dazed from several alien flying saucer invasion  investigations, are chasing down a "junk food crazed BigFoot" which raided a local high school this week.

"Apparently two naughty students at  the high school illegally fed a wandering BigFoot a gigantic bag of glow-in-the-dark orange cheese puffs, you know, the large bag 80 ounces for 89 cents stuff... I'm getting hungry just thinking about 'em! We think the 538 color-dyes used in this fine food product caused the Sasquatch to lose his mind - - these hairy beasts are highly sensitive to tasty snack food additives", said an animal control officer, munching on a box of fluorescent grape-avocado licorice whips.
According to the sorry students, sorry because they are in school detention hall for the next 3 months, 2 weeks and 4 days, the fanatical Sasquatch "Went, like, totally nuts! He ate all the cheese puffs in, like, 2 seconds, and then, like, wanted more! We, like, threw him the empty bag and he ate that too! We escaped by climbing on a school gate and texting our best friends over and over again just because we could!" The BigFoot, distracted by the smell of pork rinds, ran off in pursuit of his next junk food meal.

University of Caulyfornia acting up at  Davis (UC Davis) junk food expert Putrick Derhamineggs warned the public, "Look, we're not supposed to feed the bears or gerbils, right? We're not supposed to feed the BigFoots either! Giving a Sasquatch tasty junk food is a recipe for mayhem, chaos, plunging stock markets and, eventually, severe environmental waste material disposal problems. Don't do it! Feed the ape-men raw tofu and organic bean sprouts... it helps their digestion. Hey, does anyone have any SlimJims around here? I'm starving!"

Friday, April 9, 2010

Wild YETI Discovered in Himalayas!

Famous Yeti Hunter Captures Elusive Beast on Camera !

- - gets seriously whacked for his efforts.

Tibet is in an uproar at dramatic news confirming the existence of a Yeti who throws deadly snowballs at humans. Local villagers found a flattened Yeti hunter buried under feet of snow, apparently knocked senseless by the Yeti-man.

Seconds before the wild Yeti attacked.
Yeti with Gigantic SnowballSnowball Terror - - Yeti with Attitude: an incredibly amazing photograph was taken by the famous Chinese Tibetan Yeti Hunter Dim Wit Chann, just moments before he was squashed like a bug from a glacier sized snowball thrown by the icy beast.

Recovering in hospital, Dim Wit said "The Yeti attack happened so fast. The Yeti beast ran out of the forest, looked at my camera, growled and heaved a gigantic snowball right on top of me... it hit like an asteroid. I must have been knocked out for hours. He stole my freeze-dried water supply too!"

Dr. Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City California, was jealously congratulatory. "(Yawn) My semi-sincere congratulations to Mr. Chann on his sort-of-incredible discovery. Of course, I knew Yetis roam the Himalayas.... duh?!? I am the world's expert on these things after all, just ask me. I am convinced Yeti are here in North America as well, such is my scientific greatness. Yeti are close relatives of Sasquatch - - both species have touchy personalities and stink to high heaven. They are like in-laws, these abominable snowman types, you know? Heck, my mother in-law looks like a Yeti!"

Chinese officials are silent on this politically sensitive issue. "Of course, the government wants to keep things quiet." said a local Yak Yogurt franchise owner, "Think about it; Yeti, Snow, Attack, Snowball... not only are these great search terms for search engines, but they are political dynamite if put into the wrong hands!"