Friday, May 8, 2009

BigFoot Flu Spotted in Mexico and Texas

Breaking News: BigFoot Flu Detected in Gerbils! 

Stunning the medical community, Dr. Bling, the semi-famous director of the Yeti not SETI institute, announced today that a new BigFoot Flu virus, B1F1, has infected "significant populations" of sneezing domesticated Mongolian Gerbils in Northern Mexico and Texas.

"This Sasquatch virus has the potential to become a serious pet threat. If existing Gerbil and Hamster influenzas mix it up with this BigFoot strain, combined with poor Sasquatch personal hygiene habits, all bets are off." Such a Gerbil-Hamster-BigFoot combined virus, G1H1-BFD, affected thousands of small furry mammals in a 1953 pandemic according to Bling. 

Exclusive photo released by Dr. Bling, clearly showing evidence of BigFoot DNA in Flu Virus Particles.

The Pet Shop Association of North America immediately denied the claim, noting that Pet Shop owners routinely "handle Gerbils while wearing surgeon masks, gloves and respirators, no need to panic, there is nothing to worry about".

"BigFoot flu?! Gerbil Influenza?! Never heard of 'em" said a spokesman for the CDC in Atlanta, "and just who the heck is this Dr. Bling quack anyway?!".

Manny Ramirez Used BigFoot Hormones?

Did Manny Ramirez Use BigFoot Hormones?
A spokesman for Los Angeles Dodger player Manny Ramirez strongly denied today that Ramirez ever took Sasquatch hormone extracts in a bid to improve his baseball performance while a Boston Red Sox player. Authorities are silent on this issue. While Ramirez tested positive for a female fertility drug used to mask steroid usage, no claims have been made that he used Bigfoot hormones.
"I really don't know how to answer that," said Yankees and former Red Sox player Johnny Damon. Damon, under league suspicion of actually being a BigFoot , has kept a low profile during the latest controversy.
Dr. Bling, Director of the Yeti not SETI Institute, temporarily relocated to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, stated "So what's wrong with Sasquatch Hormones, I ask you? I myself routinely take post-menopausal abyssinian mongoose hormones for digestion, and anyone will tell you I am perfectly abnormal!"