Sunday, April 26, 2009

Texas Baseball Expert Claims Yankee Player is a BigFoot!

Texas Baseball Expert Claims Yankee Player Johnny Damon is a BigFoot!

Major League Baseball in Uproar as Team Owners and Players Union Sizzle at Serious Sasquatch Concerns ...

Yankees deny charge: "This is a hoax by a sad and bitter Red Sox Fan, the only kind of Red Sox Fan there is".

Attendance of Yankee Home Games by Evolutionary Anthropologists Up 35%, defying Recession.



Anonymous said...

Now I've heard everything! You gotta be kidding me... Damon... a Bronx Baseball Bigfoot? Come on already, wadda bunch of losin' cry babies! Red Sox Fan is such a big loser, he'll do anything to try and remove the permanent sense of inferiority to the Yankees that pervades Fenway Park.


We're smarter than Red Sox Fan... We secretly tested Damon's DNA years ago just before he got smart and became a Yankee... some looney tunes moron named Bling out in California payed us $3000 to get the test done and I figured, what the heck? Easy money.

Joe Girardi

Anonymous said...

"I'm not going to say I can fill Damon's shoes because nobody can," said Yankees outfielder Brett Gardner.

Things that make you go hmmmm??

Anonymous said...

Exclusive photos: The early days.

KarlBlingPhD said...

The man works for George Steinbrenner and he thinks I'm the one who's looney tunes? Reality check time! Besides, who can trust the Yankee lab? I would have arranged to have a sample of Damon's DNA, the French testing lab, AFLD.

BTW I think I'm moving my headquarters from Yuba City no here in Mazatlan. Pass the margaritas

Anonymous said...

Damon was never paid in dollars but was paid in live animals in which he devours each day inside the secret room next to the dugout. He has been known to use dollar bills as sweat towels.

Anonymous said...

What's the difference between Bigfoot and a smart Red Soxs fan?

Big Foot has been sited.

Anonymous said...

A public service translation into West Texan:

"Why, this is Dr. Bling is the incredible scandal of North America! How dare he make fun of the prestigious French Agency for the fight against doping, and to suggest we conduct Sasquatch DNA tests! We test elite Tour de France bike riders. It is an insult, and I tape Dr. Bling in the face, but not twice three times! Besides, he still owes me $ 3000 for the last time we tested Lance Armstrong for Sasquatch DNA, our results are not conclusive, of course. Dr. Bling of this so-called "institute" has never paid us and tjey are an organization that does not pay its debts!

Yet, I admit being curious, what is this sasquatch thing speaks Dr. Bling? Sasquatch does live in France? This Sasquatch speak French? If yes, then then it is a civilized Sasquatch, no?

Enough time wasted, I'm going to dinner now!

Pierrrre Buurdie

President of the French Agency for the fight against doping, AFLD

Anonymous said...

« Pourquoi, c'est le Dr Bling est l'incroyable scandale de l'Amérique du Nord! Comment ose-t-il se moquer de la prestigieuse Agence française de lutte contre le dopage, et de suggérer que nous effectuons des tests d'ADN Sasquatch! Nous testons élite Tour de France VTT des coureurs. C'est une insulte, et je tape le Dr Bling dans le visage, mais pas deux fois trois fois! De plus, il me doit encore 3000 $ pour la dernière fois que nous avons testé pour Lance Armstrong Sasquatch ADN, nos résultats ne sont pas concluants, bien sûr. Dr. Bling de cette soi-disant "Institut" a jamais payé et ils nous sommes une organisation qui ne paie pas ses dettes!

Pourtant, je dois admettre être curieux, quel est ce sasquatch chose parle Dr. Bling? Sasquatch ne vivent en France? Cette Sasquatch parler français? Si oui, il s'agit alors d'un Sasquatch civilisée, non?

Assez de temps perdu, je vais dîner maintenant!

Pierrrre Buurdie
Président de l'Agence française de lutte contre le dopage, AFLD

Anonymous said...

Exclusive photo!Johnny's feet revealed (they are huge!). Someone get this guy some dollar bills...he is sweating heavily.

Anonymous said...

That's what Yankees deserve, especially after BigFoot was found breaching Red Sox territory.

KarlBlingPhD said...

This is amazing-DNA testing reveals that the flu pandemic was not swine flu, but Sasquatch Fever.
There is a previously unknown strain of influenza virus, B1-F1 which has caused the recent worldwide hysteria. I had the DNA tested by a real lab, not the Frenchie lab of Dr Buurdie.

The man knows not of sasquatch. He has been around too many Belgians and has been imbibing on too much Brie and White wine. I invite him to join me in Mazatlan for Nachos and Margartas. I'd also love to show him my DNA lab run by Elmer and Joe BOB.

KarlBlingPhD said...

Breaking news:
I have just learned of a hithero unknown sproting scandal: Bigfoot blood doping. Apparently, a transfusion of Bigfoot blood gives one sasquatch like strength and stamina. My lab has discovered that bigfoot blood is indistinguishable from human blood. Only the Chromatographic Radioimmunosorbant Argon Photometric (CRAP) machine can perform the analysis. The only such machine is owned by Elmer and Joe Bob. I am moving headquarters from Mazatlan to Yuba City to supervise the lab analysis, as I now expect WADA and the IOC to inundate us with a request for analysis. I have also heard rumors of a new rash of bigfoot sitings in Northern California.

Meanwhile, has anyone ever investigated exercise parameters on a sasquatch? I believe there is a lab at Marquette or Idaho State that may have this knowledge.