Friday, March 27, 2009

Mayhem in Mexico as BigFoot Bungles USA Border Relations

Sasquatch in Mexico City! "BigFoot Left A Horrible Mess !"

Mexico City health and safety officials admitted today that earlier reports of a BigFoot sighting in the city were "autentico". The under-secretary to the assistant of the vice-deputy director to the advisor for city public sanitation urged citizens "not to panic" as he was leaving the city for a "short trip" to Terra Del Fuego by car.

Bigfoot in Polanco.
The hairy Sasquatch startled witnesses by roaming the posh Polanco area of Mexico City near the El Camino Polanco Hotel. A local businessman, Rodrigo Ramon Rodrigo Rodriguez, ran right into Bigfoot, "It was late afternoon, I was walking down Mariano Escobedo Street, thinking about my imbecile business partners, when I turned the corner and came face-to-face with this really ugly, hairy, stinky Ape-Man. He was ferocius, growling and making a lot of noise. And the dogs! They were barking everywhere! The beast was fighting off a savage pack of wild snarling chihuahuas, they tried to steal the rotten sausages the Monkey-man was eating. It was an epic dumb-ape-versus-little-dog battle!"

Sasquatch roaming Mexico City.
Organizers of the World Baseball Classic in Mexico City denied that the BigFoot was a certain New York Yankees baseball player. "Don't be absurd, Johnny Damon wasn't here, he's at spring training!", said one organizer. Two Cuban baseball players 

attempted to defect during the games, but after the shock of seeing the smelly Sasquatch near their hotel they decided the free-market and lucrative MLB contracts were not worth it. "You know, they taught us in Cuban Commie Comrade School that capitalism is full of monsters, and for once they were right. We want to go home!".

City officials suspect BigFoot hid in Chapultepec Park in Mexico City, took "Sasquatch Siestas" there, and suffered from "Montezuma's Revenge", a severe gastro-intestinal condition. "How do we know he had a stomach problem? Because there was plenty of evidence, that's how we know!" said a weary park trash collector, wearing a face-mask and bio-hazard suit. "The mess was so bad we had to get a large dump truck and haul it all off as hazardous waste and incinerate everything, including the truck."

Dr. Karl Bling, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, said "Fantastico! This is an incredible discovery of Sasquatch's amazing ability to travel outside of his species' normal pseudo-range. I will pay 3,000 pesos to anyone in Mexico City who provides Bigfoot DNA from the ample samples the creature left behind during his Mexican adventure. In fact, it is time to visit Mexico myself to further investigate this incident and conduct research. Yes, I think Puerto Vallarta will work, or perhaps Acapulco... there is a connection between Sasquatch, beach resorts, margaritas and cheap drink-umbrellas made of bamboo... I am sure BigFoot fits in somehow, I'm calling my travel agent."

And now, a public Sasquatch service for the good citizens of Mexico City:

Un anuncio público por parte del Dr. Félix Archuleta Roberto Arias, profesor de nada en particular, con el Instituto para el Estudio de Animales Mitológicos dice:

"Mira, toda esta historia de un Bigfoot es completamente falso! Es ridículo y estúpido. Creo que un gringo loco tiene un muñeco de plástico Bigfoot, tomó algunas fotos y todo el mundo en los EE.UU. se están volviendo locos! Lo que es realmente gracioso es que otros gringos piensan que esta historia es verdadera. También, creen de verdad Sasquatch es real! Este Bigfoot gringo no es nada como el Chupacabra. Tenemos mejores monstruos en Mexico!"

More Mexico Bigfoot News: 

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

BigFoot Flu Detected in Gerbils! 


KarlBlingPhD said...

This is the first known siting in the Mexico City area. I think we might have to rename Montezuma's revenge as the Sasquatch Squirts.

This is such astounding news, that I'm going to investigate this myself. Elmer and Joe Bob have confirmed there are no Belgians or Reds Sox fans in Mexico City.

I think I will make either Cabo or Cancun my base. THat's close enough to Mexico City, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I can only say with great clarity, focus, assurance, purpose and many many many more adjectives that this illegal "adventure" by a Gringo BigFoot in Mexico City during the World Baseball Classic is part of an evil imperialist plot by reactionary elements in the USA to destroy Socialist Baseball, yes it is true! I shall go on national television tonight and speak to my Bolivarian Comrades, alerting them to this new imperialist danger to the Bolivarian Republic's baseball industry. I hereby accuse the North American empire of being the biggest menace to baseball on our planet! I promise only a short speech, about 3 hours more or less.

Hugo Chavez