Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sasquatch Scene at Panama Park!

BigFoot sighting at Avenida Balboa Park Complex in Panama City - - Business District and Residents Evacuated!

Authorities confirmed that the same "sorry" Sasquatch that raided the still-recovering Panamanian luxury resort Buenaventura has badly damaged a public park along Avenida Balboa, triggering an evacuation of several hotels and banks, and forcing Panama Yacht Club members to quickly put out to sea in a chaotic scene 'straight out of Dunkirk".

Bigfoot ignoring sanitation rules in Panama City.
Perplexed Panamanian Sasquatch Ponders Probable Park Potty Options:
According to a surprised jogger who took this amazing photo, the Ape-man decided that since Bigfoots weren't drawn on the sign it was OK... it wasn't.

"Perhaps that hairy beast went to enjoy the ocean view", said a local lawyer, "pero he really messed things up. Qué desastre! But I am strangely happy in a legalistic sort of way. I expect client lawsuits from this BigFoot crisis, mucho dinero hay posible! I'm going after that hairy beast's offshore bank accounts... even his secret Swiss Sasquatch Stash. Estoy muy seguro de que podemos extrar mucho dinero de este fiasco Sasquatch, es un buen negocios!"

Friday, September 18, 2009

Blinng Drops Bombshell at Press Conference!

Giant Lizard Spotted in California Wine Country!
YETI Not SETI Institute Director Announces Discovery.... BigFoot Link Suspected.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the almost famous YETI Not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, made a stunning announcement today during a hastily arranged press conference at the Yuba City Holaday Innn, claiming proof that a giant lizard is roaming the northern California coastal range. Blinng displayed a photo received by email "from a trusted and reliable source, proving the existence of a Japanese Monster Lizard living in Sasquatch Territory". The three journalists who attended were dumbfounded with awe... "That lunatic actually thinks this stuff is real!" whispered a junior reporter.

The incredible photograph was taken by an eyewitness, Krass Ffffelps, a well-known jug wine vinologist. According to Mr. Ffffelps, the helicopter pilot barely escaped becoming Lizard Lunch. When questioned about possible doctoring of the photograph, Dr. Blinng fiercely responded, "Any fool can see this is authentic. I only paid that Krass guy $3,000 for this precious photograph... what a dupe he is, what a steal! This discovery is one of the crowning achievements of my illustrious career! Oh yes, they laughed at me in University, but who is laughing now, eh? The fools!"

Sunday, September 13, 2009

British BigFoot Bothers Manchester!

Manchester Man-Ape Mystery: UK Sasquatch Spotted and on the Loose in England! Mancunians Gobsmacked by Hairy Intruder in Central Manchester...

Manchester Man-Ape Madness:
Incredible photo taken by a amazed local - - Note the absolutely blank and astonished looks from Pigeons sitting on Queen Victoria's monument as the BigFoot cruises past near Picadilly Station.

The English Sasquatch crashed minutes later into Albert Square in front of the Manchester Town Hall, nearly disrupting a large outdoor ceremony. According to witnesses, the creature looked "rather bothered", stumbling through the public square ducking his head and anxiously looking up over his shoulder. "The Man-Ape was harrassed by really, really, really irate dive-bombing pigeons who seemed to be attacking him from the direction of Picadilly", a nearby shopper said, "These was not your normally stupid, fat, pudgy and complacent Pigeons, these was your enraged Pigeons... they was daft Pigeons, they was!".

A University of Manchester expert on British Mythical Men-Apes urged caution, "I ask the public to remain calm, this could be a frightful case of mistaken identity - - clearly, from the photos I've seen, this filthy, unkept beast could actually be a lost Chelsea football fan".

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Sasquatch Pandemonium in Panama!

Perplexing Sightings of Hairy Beast Puts Panama in Panic!

Panama President Proclaims Possible Paleolithic Police Probe Probable....

Roaming far away from its normal unnatural habitat, a "tranquilo but very odorous" BigFoot was sighted strolling through the luxurious Buenaventura Resort, startling resort guests and causing many to flee to the local Spa until order was restored and fresh beach towels and chilled drinks were served.

"I saw him on the beach", said one employee, " the beast had la playa all to himself, especially downwind, the stench, it was horrible... the BigFoot was poking around the sand with a stick, looking for crabs, lost car keys and jewelry like a old man treasure hunting". One novela celebrity resort guest, recovering from mild shock, said "Oye, it was Mala-ventura time when that ape man showed up, but it's mucho mejor now, I have a piña colada and it came with a classy bamboo umbrella!"

Incredible photo taken by a resort guest, catching Bigfoot in full profile as he wandered the Buenaventura resort complex looking for Cerveza Panamá. Property values in the resort area plummeted 87% for a week after the animal's appearence, but appear to be slowly recovering. With Panama City only 80 miles away, government authorities are worried the "Panama BigFoot" may strike there next. "We are prepared", said one offical, "we have stockpiled fumigation sprays and air fresheners, we are ready for him!".