Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Prague People Panic as BigFoot Sighted in City!

Sasquatch Sighting in Czech Republic Crushes Tourism Industry!  

(Prague) The city of Prague in the Czech Republic is panicked, puzzled, and perplexed at the mysterious sighting of a rabid North American Sasquatch. The people in the city are also concerned.

Tourists at an almost famous wax museum in the area were amazed when they saw a bonafide Sasquatch saunter to their beer table and promptly steal two large bottles full of local brew. "Yeah sure, like he guzzled down one beer in two seconds and ran into the woods with the other one!", said a shocked tourist, "The worst part is I never got my beers and that beast gave us fleas! I can't pronounce the beer's name anyway."

Faced with a rare and exciting Czech Cryptozoic event, Huba Hubacek, Professor Emeritus at the Institute for the Study of Pathetic Things In Prague, was guarded in his reaction. "I'm guarded. I mean this quite literally! See those guys over there? They are guarding me to make sure I'm not attacked by this dangerous and evil Sasquatch creature.... that and making sure I don't violate my parole."

BigFoot Panic in Prague: This Wax Museum had a lot more entertainment than tourists bargained for!
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in colic Yuba City, California, issued an immediate press release and answered this intrepid BigFoot reporter's phone call for more information. "Will you pay me for this interview? You reporters are all cheapskates, looking for somethin' for nothin'. 'Cause otherwise, I'm not talking. Cash please!"

Karlstein Czech Castle tourists terrorized by cunning savage suds stealing sasquatch!
North American Sasquatch sightings have been made in various European countries over the last few years. We have no idea how these Bigfeets got there or why they live amongst the natives. Speculation runs rampant that these creatures are coming from Belgium or Greece, but this is only gratuitous guessing in which we freely engage in order to entice more readers so that we can raise our advertising rates.

Bigfoot Sightings in Europe:

....amazing but true.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Berlin BigFoot Sightings! Brings Backpfeifengesicht to Terrified Locals!

BigFoot in Berlin!
Sasquatch Sparks Panic and die angst in Germany!

Exciting reports have been flowing into this self-important Bigfoot news organization from Berlin, citing numerous reports of repulsive Sasquatch sightings in this large, flat, and formerly complacent German City.

Strolling Sasquatch Spotted departing the HaufbonHaus Train Station. 
Bigfoot spotted at the HaufbonHaus train station:

An astonished group of American tourists from Martinez, California were highly upset when a large, flea-ridden, and overly aromatic Sasquatch emerged from the First Class carriage that they were about to board. "It was disgusting!", said one of the tourists, "I had a reserved seat and that beast managed to infect it with mange and God knows what else! We cancelled our trip and took the bus." Station police are now on high alert, but it is suspected the roving BigFoot is long gone after ransacking several station garbage bins for filthy fried food leftovers.

Berlin Wall bears Bigfoot Bounce:
BigFoot Barges into the Berlin Wall.
Nearby, amazed locals witnessed perhaps the same Sasquatch literally run into the Berlin Wall, knocking down a section and shaking the foundation, sending flea-ridden fur flying in all directions.

Police speculate the hominid was running from a dangerous pack of feral dachshunds known to roam the area and ran into the wall by accident.  Berlin city officials promised a prompt repair and power-washing of that section of the wall to remove substantial body odors and biological contamination the beast left behind.

Speculation is rampant inside Berlin psuedo-political circles that this mysterious and unwelcome Sasquatch is actually part of a stealth terrorist attack launched by the Greek Red Syraz party in revenge for Germany taking a leading role in forcing Greeks to pay their overdue bills, stop rampant tax cheating, get jobs, stop leeching off the EU, keep their promises, and stop being Greeks bearing gifts. Government ministers suspect that Yanis Varoufukis, the former Greek Finance Moron, is actually the attacking Bigfoot, come to reek havoc on his EU enemies.

Is Yanis Varoufukis really a Bigfoot?

"The evidence is solid, like Greek Yogurt gone stale.", said Erk Holohed, a board member of the nearly prestigious YETI not SETI Institute, "Only a certified idiot or a Sasquatch, or both, would engage in such self-destructive political and economic behavior with their nation and creditors. Mr. Varoufukis may be a Bigfoot with a low Sasquatch simian IQ. This is a very logical irrational market explanation."

Brandenburg Gate Bashed by My Big Bad Greek Idiot BigFoot.
Brandenburg Gate Suffers Sasquatch Surprise:

To add insult in injury, the Bigfoot was spotted at Berlin's famous Brandenburg Gate, sending testy tourists fleeing in all directions. "I'm afraid we'll have to close the monument if we keeping getting nasty furry Sasquatch visits!" said a city official.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in fabulous Yuba City, California, was vexed. "I'm very vexed!", said Dr. Blinng. "I went to Berlin this summer thanks to a special conference on Crypto-Zoology paid for by the generous contributions of the financial patsies, er, supporters of our fine scientific research organization. Did I see any Bigfoots? NO! Scheissenbedaurn!"

Poor Germany has a history of being harassed by Belgian and Greek Sasquatches. Learn more about the notorious "Hamburg Bigfoot Incident".

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Serious People Seeking Serious Sasquatch Stash!

YETI not SETI Institute News Flash:

Amazing but true, BIGFOOT PROJECT INVESTMENTS INC is planning an Initial Public Offering for stock in the company on NASDAQ. We are not making this up.

Learn more about this innovative financial engineering move* to fund more Bigfoot research activities:

Bigfoot is an Investment Opportunity.

*We're really annoyed we didn't think of this first!

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Secret Sasquatch Elected to Political Office?

Statesman Steals Election with Scurrilous Sasquatch Scandal?

Reaching a new low in political campaigns, a politician has resorted to bashing Bigfoots in order to win an election.

Kung-Fu will not work on a Bigfoot. Everyone knows that!
Ricard Scheister, Esq., Etc, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute board of directors, was judicially jaundiced and emotive;

"I was in a state of panic, er, a state of Washington, last fall, working on a lucrative, superfluous lawsuit aimed at some poor putz with deep-pockets."

"To my utter shock, I saw this bigoted bigfoot campaign poster prominently displayed at a local liquor store parking lot where I was conducting business, errr, research. It was horrible!"

"To vilify a poor and defenseless constituency like Sasquatches as a cheap tactic to buy votes is deplorable... damn I wish I'd thought of it first, my political career would have skyrocketed. Well, no matter... this looks like the makings of a first-class class-action lawsuit. This could make me millions!"

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, was sadly philosophical; "I am sad and feeling weirdly philosophical today. Why do people try to exploit Bigfoots for personal gain, on their own? Why do people seek to sully Sasquatch to enrich themselves? Why the heck don't they ask me for help, subject to the usual consulting and royalty fees commiserate with my ample expertise? Why, oh why? What fools!"

Erk Holohed, yet another senior Yeti not Seti board member, insisted there was a larger conspiracy at work than mere political expediency against Bigfoots; "Don't you see? THEY are putting Bigfoots into political office! How many of our politicians look and act like Bigfoots? When ready, THEY are going to launch a Sasquatch Coup and that's when THEY will allow Space Aliens to start buying used Hondas for mass exportation to their home world, emptying our planet of precious Accords.
The dots are all there, my friends.... start connecting them! Better buy fools-gold and greeky-yogurt now and store them under your mattress!"