Sandy Sasquatch Scares Surfers Silly - - Pismo Beach Evacuated!
Unsuspecting Pismo Beach beachgoers were shocked by a hairy Big Sur Sasquatch romping in the waves this week. Days after the beach was reopened to the public, people are still afraid to return.
City officials deny rumors that the beach sand is permanently damaged by the strange appearance of an aromatic Gigantopithicus Robustus Revoltus. "That glowing, crawling yellow and green slime on the beach is perfectly natural." said Pismo Beach junior superintendent for parks and wreckreation, "and those dumb rumors that small poodles and corndogs have been missing since the Sasquatch beach blitz are just that, silly rumors! By the way, has anyone seen my pet shihtzu? It's name is Princess Lea?"
"It was way bad karma, dude", said an eyewitness surfer who was at the scene, "that Bigfoot dude had gnarly body odor.... nasty vibes, man. Like, take a bath sometime, apeman?".
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the prestigious YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, was perplexed. "I'm conflicted, and I'm perplexing.", he said. "It is very perplexable that a Bigfoot attacks Pismo Beach, why, for the clams? I'm investigating this incident more closely... OK yeah sure, the institute is short of funds right now, so I'll just hit up those Discovery Channel chumps for some more money... they're total suckers for this kind of stuff! Ah, I mean, they take my Bigfoot research very seriously and help fund my important work in this field. I'm also in the mood to eat some oysters...."