Pittcon in Panic as Sasquatch Sighting Sabatoges Scientific Soiree! Conference Attendees flee complex PPH Trace Level BigFoot Odors...
Amazing photo caught by a surprised PITTCON attendee at the Orlando Convention Center. "I running to catch a fascinating symposium on 'The 2-Chlorobut-3-Enoic acid molecule - Fact or Fiction?' when I ran smack into this tall hairy creature - what a chemically complex smell! I shall never forget it, like a 100 skunks on steroids combined with horribly rancid cheese. I want to analyze this appalling ape's aromatic molecules. This could make my career!" Tacky Tourist Mecca Orlando Florida is reeling yet again from another stunning BigFoot attack. A rogue Sasquatch infiltrated the Pittsburgh Conference on analytical chemistry at the Orlando Convention Center, romping through the vast exhibition hall stealing vendor's cheap promotional give-aways and ancient candy.
Pittcon Exhibit Floor Panic from Barging BigFoot "Oh yeah, I was there and saw everything", said a perpendicular-mass-spectrometry (PMS) instrument sales rep. "The conference was going well with 20,000 targets, er, attendees, and plenty of happy hour breaks - the analytical chemists were even being nice to the molecular biologists and nano-materials scientists - everyone was in a good mood and placing orders. Then this flea-biten monkey-man shows up and chases everyone away with his lice, deadly aromas and bad behavior... the beast grabs our precious cheap promotional ballpoint pens from the exhibit booth, wolfs down our entire bowl of old chocolates without taking off the wrappers and refuses to let us scan his attendee badge so that we could spam him with email and junk mail next month.... heck he isn't even a Ph.D.! Bigfoots are bad for business!" After the Sasquatch PITTCON sighting, 5 scientific papers submitted to PITTCON and the unNatural Science Journal attacking the existence of Gigantanthropus Revoltus were hastily withdrawn. "Ahhhh, yesssss, well I need to amend my paper slightly." said one badly shaken scientist with really bad hair.
Several laboratories exhibiting at PITTCON jumped over themselves to issue opportunistic press releases stating that smelly Sasquatch odors reached unprecedented trace levels of "PPH - - parts per hundred" in the exhibition hall. PPH levels are considered semi-toxic to ultra-sensitive noses. "This may explain why dogs and pigeons in particular seem to absolutely hate the sight of Bigfoots", said a Ph.D. in Simian Smelology.
Dr. Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, said "I wouldn't know about any stupid Sasquatch sightings at PITTCON. I never get invited to that dumb conference. PITTCON is the pits. I submit my revolutionary scientific papers to these clowns every year but they never answer me - idiots. They are effete snobs who dare think my work is not 'serious science' la-la-de-da... FOOLS! One day I will have real DNA from real BigFoot bodily fluids... then who will be the freeken' genius, eh? Then who will be recognized for the brilliant mastermind he is! Then who will get the long deserved Nobel prize for really amazing pseudo-science! Then who... (at this point Dr. Blinng was escorted out of the Yuba City Holaday Inn press conference room by two heavy-set Institute gentlemen in white coats).