Numb New York City citizens, angry Anthropologists and mummified museum patrons are in an uproar over an alleged Bigfoot invasion of the American Natural History Museum this weekend. Not only did the Sasquatch get inside the museum, but it became trapped, spending a night in the museum when closing time came.
|Sorry Sasquatch trapped for the night in the Natural History Museum, |
eating stale vending machine snacks and drinking luke-warm coca-cola to survive.
"Oh yeah, it happened all right! Our security cameras tracked the apeman - - 'cause as a night shift security professional I waz takin' a power nap - - hey - - union rules, OK? Anyway, all them fleas he left behind was a good trail marker. The monkey man spent a lot of time in the Not-Eliot Spitzer Hall of Human Origins. That place gives me the creeps, you know? All them dead,really old hairy stuffed guys just lookin' at you with them glassy eyes... that Bigfoot was fascinated by them ancient apes and neanderthals, he got really excited when he saw 'em. On the security video, he called one "cousin" and talked to it. Can I have my 40 bucks now?"
New York City expert on Sasquatchology and recently retired politician Gigantopithecus Revoltus? Someone could have hacked that museum camera security system using Tweeter!" "How do we know that was a
|Ape Beast caught on camera, fleeing the Museum as it reopened the next morning.|
Museum personnel are combing every square inch of the building for any 'calling cards' left behind by the big ape. "Sasquatches don't use indoor plumbing - - we can confirm it." said a disgusted museum volunteer.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the aspirational YETI not SETI Institute in recovering Yuba City, California, was amused. "Ha! You know what? I am amused! We have a lot better Bigfoot museum right here at the Institute. We sell really cool Sasquatch t-shirts... $12.95 on sale. I get a 10% commission, how many do you want?"