Saturday, February 18, 2012

Sasquatch Sighting at Shasta!

Mt. Shasta shatters from Bigfoot Encounter!

Locals in this wild, barren, wild, remote, forbidding, isolated, exiled, lost world, 4G-free region of Northern California are recovering from a shockingly snowy Sasquatch sighting. Tourists have fled the area as law enforcement officers comb the area for the obnoxiously elusive creature and free coffee and donuts.
Yeti caught on Camera near Mount Shasta.
 "It happened quickly", said a nervous local farmer who wishes to remain anonymous, "I was tending to my lucrative winter greenhouse medicinal-purposes-only cash crop in a very remote spot near Mt. Shasta, when this dang abominable snowman ran right past me. Shocked the beejeebers out of me, man! I'd rather get a raid, errrr, social visit, from the DEA than have to smell the stench of that disgusting animal again!"
Snowy Sasqautch wrecks million dollar view.
Hours later, another sighting of the Yeti destroyed attempts to catch a photo of Mt. Shasta for National Geographik magazine. "That snow-monkey took my golden cover-shot and turned it into something only an idiot would buy, so I pawned it off on some moron at a stupid Bigfoot institute in Yuba City for $3,000." said a disgruntled professional photographer, "I've decided I really hate nature shots, you know? I'm gonna focus on paparazzi shots of drunk celebrities instead."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the financially creative YETI not SETI Institute in bucolic Yuba City, California, was beside himself. "I am beside myself! Right here! Yes, I am floating and having an out-of-body experience! That farmer near Mt. Shasta who saw the Yeti sold me some amazing home-made brownies for $3,000, I'm certain there is valuable Bigfoot DNA in 'em. We're conducting in-depth ultra-trace chemical analysis of the brownies for Yeti DNA. I ate one as part of our scientific evaluation, I've always liked brownies! But I'm feeling quite peculiar after eating this one...."

Sunday, February 5, 2012

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

Mexico City takes Hair-Raising Fright as Savage Sasquatch Roams Historic Downtown - - Centro Historico in Chaos!

Mexico City BigFoot attempts to hide among innocent Saturday
morning  shoppers and pickpockets while looking for rancid tacos de 
carnitas misterioso street stalls to steal tasty snack food morsels.
Mexico City has been victimized by a rare but devastating BigFoot Sighting, causing multiple traffic accidents, panicked shoppers and paranoid fast food street sellers.

"It was incredible! Said an eyewitness, "We were looking for a copy of Darwin's "The Origin of Suspect Species" at a specialty bookstore when that horrible Ape Beast appeared in the doorway of the shop and laughed at us. At first I thought it was some juvenile idiot in a monkey suite, but all those fleas jumping off his body told me this was not a joke!"
Bad Bigfoot nervously eluding a frantic Police Sasquatch Search just
blocks from  the historic Zócalo Main Plaza in Mexico City.
The Mexico Bigfoot caused a rash of traffic accidents and fainting spells as he wandered around the streets in the area. "That monkey-beast had a horrible aroma, like the worst kind of rotten cheese you can think of, and it really messed up Calle de Tacuba", said a part-time acid-rock accordion player, "there were rear-end car accidents everywhere, and even worse, the shoppers and tourists disappeared - - bad for business, very bad for my nose!"

A Mexico City Police spokesman issued a public announcement concerning the Sasquatch sighting salvaje:
Street Camera catches sneaky Sasquatch leaving the scene of the crime:
After causing  a seven-car accident the hominid runs away...
shocked and dumbfounded motorists had gazed in disbelief. 
"The ape man is really dumb and very dangerous. It is desperate to steal rancid tacos and loves to scare our good citizens of Mexico City. If you spot this beast please call us! I have no idea what we'll do if we catch him, to be honest." * 

"Bigfoots have been spotted in Mexico City before.", said Grisalia Rojez, Ph.D. of  Chupacabrolgy at the Instituto de Cosas Tontas para Estudiar (ICTE), "It is a total mystery why these obnoxious beasts bother us!"

* Translation for the good people of Mexico City: "El hombre mono es tonto y peligroso. Está desesperado de robar tacos rancios y le encanta asustar a los buenos ciudadanos de la Ciudad de México. Si usted ve esta bestia por favor llámenos! No tengo idea de lo que vamos a hacer si lo cogemos, para ser honesto."