Sasquatch Sighting at Shasta!

Mt. Shasta shatters from Bigfoot Encounter!

Locals in this wild, barren, wild, remote, forbidding, isolated, exiled, lost world, 4G-free region of Northern California are recovering from a shockingly snowy Sasquatch sighting. Tourists have fled the area as law enforcement officers comb the area for the obnoxiously elusive creature and free coffee and donuts.

Yeti caught on Camera near Mount Shasta.

 "It happened quickly", said a nervous local farmer who wishes to remain anonymous, "I was tending to my lucrative winter greenhouse medicinal-purposes-only cash crop in a very remote spot near Mt. Shasta, when this dang abominable snowman ran right past me. Shocked the beejeebers out of me, man! I'd rather get a raid, errrr, social visit, from the DEA than have to smell the stench of that disgusting animal again!"

Snowy Sasqautch wrecks million dollar view.

Hours later, another sighting of the Yeti destroyed attempts to catch a photo of Mt. Shasta for National Geographik magazine. "That snow-monkey took my golden cover-shot and turned it into something only an idiot would buy, so I pawned it off on some moron at a stupid Bigfoot institute in Yuba City for $3,000." said a disgruntled professional photographer, "I've decided I really hate nature shots, you know? I'm gonna focus on paparazzi shots of drunk celebrities instead."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the financially creative YETI not SETI Institute in bucolic Yuba City, California, was beside himself. "I am beside myself! Right here! Yes, I am floating and having an out-of-body experience! That farmer near Mt. Shasta who saw the Yeti sold me some amazing home-made brownies for $3,000, I'm certain there is valuable Bigfoot DNA in 'em. We're conducting in-depth ultra-trace chemical analysis of the brownies for Yeti DNA. I ate one as part of our scientific evaluation, I've always liked brownies! But I'm feeling quite peculiar after eating this one...."