Bigfoot Barges into Amsterdam! Barge operators in chaos! Semi-Controlled Substances sold out!
Quaint, picturesque and free-floating Amsterdam was stunned when a North American Sasquatch was seen lurking around the central district. "Dis hippie-beast really wondered around the tourist areas, causing many problems for us! Where are the Nationale Politie when needed?", exclaimed a frustrated local shop owner selling organically grown mood enhancers.
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| Strange Sasquatch Beast spotted on Canal Tour Boat! Passengers were close to passing out after the on-the-water olfactory ordeal. |
"A one hour canal tour! It'll be fun, the tour guide said. That's what they promised!", said a tourist from Des Moines, Iowa. "Well, the nasty aromas venting from that Ape-man made it feel like a three hour tour! Yep, that's it... a threeeeee hour tour... excuse me I feel like getting sick!"
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| The Amsterdam Sasquatch was seen multiple times lurking in the Rembrandt Square area day and night. "Ya sure, 'dis ape-man liked hanging around here, you know? Plenty of leftover fried Dutch fast food, good stale beer, and special gummys stuck on the sidewalk." |
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| The Sasquatch lingered in a shop dedicated to a unique assortment of enhanced chocolates and gummy concoctions. Since none of the products were fried or rancid, the beast lost interest and searched for old soggy Oliebollens. "Oil Balls" in the King's English. |
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| Eyewitnesses claim the Beast walked into a shop which offers haircuts, tattoos, and whatever. Shocked, the store management pushed the hairy crypto-creature out and locked the door. " |
The shop owner was firm in his response to this hairy invastion. "Maak je een grapje? Als we die harige gast een knipbeurt wilden geven, waren we failliet gegaan en was mijn personeel gestopt! Bovendien had die idioot geen geld. Hé, wil je wat tatoeages?" Translation: "Are you kidding me? Trying to give that furred dude a haircut would have bankrupted us, and my staff would quit! Besides, that fool had no money. Hey, you want some tattoos?"
Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors of the laid-back and mellow YETI NOT SETI Institute in high-altitude Yuma City, California, was observant. "I observe", opined Holohead, "That Amsterdam is a unique city. You would think a lumbering Sasquatch would stick out like a sore duim, but the reality is the beast blended right in!"
2 comments:
Holohead has it completely bass-ackwards (not a first). The Amsterdamians didn't run for their "mood enhancers" because they saw Bigfoot, they saw Bigfoot because they had already imbibed copious quantities of "mood enhancers." Jeez louise, even Scheister on his worst day defending himself before the State Bar - er, I mean fighting for truth, justice and the American way in court - would make so egregious an error.
And no, Scheister was not the lawyer who submitted a legal brief written with ChatGPT that contained several citations to cases that do not exist. It couldn't have been Scheister because he has never included a case citation in his life. Not to mention that he would never have the imagination to use ChatGPT for such purposes. Yours Truly, NOT Ricard Scheister.
I was about to say, I didn’t see anything in this story that would prove that this was a Sasquatch rather than a native or perhaps a backpacker! More research is needed! I humbly volunteer to be sent by the institute …. Make sure to book a first class ticket for me, round trip this time! Divot Looney, lost in Amsterdam.
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