Saturday, June 19, 2010

BigFoot Hormone Scandal Rocks World Cup!

World Cup Breaking News:
2010 World Cup Players using BIGFOOT HORMONES? 
FIFA Not Talking as Rumors Sweep South Africa!
"That Sasquatch junk is all over the place, lot's of players are using the stuff and no one is talking!"

Once again Bigfoot News and Sasquatch Sightings has scooped the world on the real Bigfoot poop regarding a major news story. Reliable sources (anonymous letters with cash) claim that banned usage of hormones from Bigfoots is rampant in this year's 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

"Oh yeah, these guys are saying stuff like 'Right lads, I won't shave me beard until I've scored a goal', but they're just covering up their illegal usage of Bigfoot hormones.... it's a bit obvious right? FIFA justs keeps looking the other way. Anyway, that stuff doesn't work." said one recently retired goalie from England.

World Cup players, coaches and newscasters suspected of Bigfoot hormone usage include:

"This scandal could be bigger than the Tour de France or Major League Baseball... any players, coaches, and Vuvuzela salesmen who haven't shaved for three days could be using the stuff!", said a recovering Vuvuzela user.

Erk Holohed, a secretive international second-hand Vuvuzela smuggler, talked to this blog while visiting South Africa to visit 'my stash of cash and my secret Vuvuzela stockpile'. As a self-proclaimed pseudo-expert on international football, Holohed was critical about the usage of illegal Bigfoot bodily fluids. "Look, only one or two of the suspected teams using the Sasquatch hormones are having any success. The other teams are struggling. Sasquatch doping is dumbing down the play and the players - - and BigFoot head lice could become a real problem. Look at the number of goals scored so far.... down! FIFA needs to clean the World Cup up - - only allow the players to drink good ale and smoke cuban cigars while cheered on by Brazilian football fans before each game - - then you'd get tons of goals!"


KarlBlingPhD said...

I'll send Elmer and Joe Bob to investigate once they get out of jail in Chico, CA. Something about breaking into the Sierra Nevada brewery to lift some bigfoot beer.
They are going to set some traps in Oregon and then take bigfoot beer to South Africa to investigate the World Cup Sasquatch.
The Bigfoot in the photo looks suspiciously like a member of the Begian World Cup team.

Anonymous said...

I understand the UC Davis Animal Testing Lab is doing the blood tests on these football players ... I believe they're just trying to make their bicycle museum look cleaner. Kareen Duckman