SINGAPORE IN SLING AFTER BIGFOOT ATTACKS!

 Singapore Slapped Silly by Barging Bigfoot Bumbler!

The Famously Weird and Wonderful Merlion Fountain Statue inspired this Sasquatch to do something very nasty. When Cryptocreatures meet, it rarely goes well. 

The normally well-behaved, super-clean and super-expensive nation of Singapore was thrown into a rare State of  Stupefaction by the appearance of a North American Sasquatch this week causing panic, consternation and whopping littering fines. A local resident describes the chaos: “I had no plans today, I was just gonna lepak at Merlion Park and have a few Tiger Beers with my gang. Suddenly out of the crowd this huge hairy beast, NOT an Australian Hippie, ran over to a Merlion Fountain and just stood there gazing at it in wonder. Then, IT happened. The monster man turned around, calmly looked at the harbor, growled in imitation of the fish lion and proceeded to urinate copious volumes of Sasquatch Pee into the ocean for 10 terrifying minutes. Fish were jumping out of the water trying to escape the torrent. Wah lau! Of course we were amazed, lah?”

The famous Raffles Hotel was not sparred scurrilous Sasquatch indignities. 

Singapore Slings went on sale at the unheard of discount of 50% off to calm down agitated guests after the Bigfoot wondered through the hotel, scooping up any fried foods it could find.

The Bigfoot Beast attempted to enter to the Marina Bay Sands SkyPark in search of, well, whatever Sasquatches search for, but he was foiled when the Police left a trail of day-old fish-head-curry leading towards Malaysia. 

Singapore's National Police Force issued a press statement after the beast had disappeared in a manner as mysteriously murky as when the ape-thing first made his amazing appearance. "Siao! Quit bothering us with your phone calls! Call Animal Control, you idiots!" Singapore Animal Control would not answer any calls, either. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-For-Life of the questionable YETI NOT SETI Institute for the study of cryptozoology and fleecing investors, was coincidently visiting Singapore on a fact-finding mission. "Drat it to heck! I was in the same city conducting research and the focus of my entire professional career was just a few miles away from me! I couldn't even collect Sasquatch bodily fluid samples - the beast had peed into Singapore Harbor and it was impossible to receive any DNA samples. My original mission was a success, however. I've discovered that Tiger Beer and Anchor Beer are pretty good! Singapore Slings at an amazing 50% discount at the Raffles Hotel is also a great find. Fish-head-curry is best left undiscussed."

Erk Holohead, a member of the Institute's Bored of Directors, had visited Singapore previously and had a few comments. "I never saw a Bigfoot in Singapore, but managed to sample much of the local food and liquid refreshments along with a scenic tour of the Jurong Island petrochemical complex during my visit. Except for Zurich and Disneyworld, I've never seen such a seriously clean place. I was very careful about chewing gum there. Singapore won't tolerate litter! Whenever I did chew gum, I respected local laws and carefully and considerately placed each wad under a restaurant table or someone else's bar stool... just like in the States! I respect local laws and traditions, especially if there are investable funds at stake!"