(Tokyo) Breaking News - - Japanese are in pseudo-panic today from the amazing news of a 'stinky, wild, apeman-san' caught snoring while napping inside the Shogun's sleeping quarters at historic Nijo Castle, trashing the palace in the process.
"This is a misanthropic catastrophe of epic proportions.", said one of the emergency repairman sent to mitigate the extensive damage, "I'm going to make a lot yen on this job!". The Sasquatch escaped disoriented security guards and ran into the Castle gardens, robbing tourists of mysterious Japanese junk food and then disappearing into the surrounding area. Reports of an entire grove of Japanese plum trees wilting after the marauding Bigfoot 'relieved itself' nearby are under investigation.
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| Sasquatch attack at Nijo Castle! Local tourists thought the animal was part of the castle's entertainment until the ape beast stole their fried fish bone snacks. |
Just hours later, perplexed police suspect the same abominable apeman showed up in Tokyo, terrorizing unsuspecting shoppers. "Why us?!", said a frustrated local commuter, "Tokyo gets attacked by all the monsters.... it's not fair! First Godzilla, then Mothra, then Baragon, then Barney. Just when you think we're safe, this pathetic excuse for an Apeman attacks us?! I'm fed up! I'm moving to Itabashi. Nothing ever happens out there".
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| Bigfoot in Tokyo - - Police warn citizens to be on the lookout. "He is clever and can blend into a crowd, be careful! If you see an 2.4 meter high missing link Apeman covered in matted fur and flies, that could be our suspect!", said a senior captain of Tokyo's crackerjack criminal monsters investigation force. |
Godzilla Considering Legal Action Against Sasquatch:
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| Godzilla versus Bigfoot - Flames versus Fumes? |
"Our client has clear legal precedent in Japan for rights to commit all mayhem and chaos in Tokyo.", said a representative of Atsueme & Scruyu legal partners, "We will file a cease and desist order on this sorry Sasquatch. If that doesn't work, our client will use his atomic breath and incinerate that mangy furball!"
