Bigfoot by the Bay: Sasquatch invades downtown San Francisco!
Jaded San Francisco denizens and flabbergasted tourists alike were shocked when a Sasquatch was spotted sauntering by a famous Cable Car station at Powell & Market streets. Authorities credit the afternoon foggy wind rolling in from the Pacific Ocean for dissipating the obnoxious fumes emitting from the unwashed brute. "We were lucky.", said the SF Assistant Vice-Superintendent for Tourist Stuff.Reactions to the Sasquatch sighting ranged from bored indifference to sheer panic. Pigeons, sea gulls, small yappy dogs and other bothersome pests appear to have completely abandoned the neighborhood. Local tourists left en masse to visit scenic San Quentin, while regulars shrugged their shoulders.
"When you work in San Francisco you pretty much see it all, but watching this huge hairy beastie meander down Market street was novel, I've never seen anything like it!", said respected whiplash injury trial lawyer Ricard Scheister, an eyewitness to the rare bigfoot sighting. "I tried to give that creature my business card, just in case he runs into legal trouble and needs a noble defender of justice to protect him, but he ate my damn card! Heck, he probably has no financial assets anyway.
I don't work pro bono. Don't make me laugh!"
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| The San Francisco Sasquatch, ruining an otherwise picture perfect day. |
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the vastly under-appreciated YETI NOT SETI Institute in mysterious Yuba City, California, was peaked. "My interest is peaked, as in twin peaks. No, not that Twin Peaks Hooters knock-off, you bunch of juvenile demented sickos! No, I mean Twin Peaks in San Francisco! I bet that Sasquatch got lost and ended up in the City-by-the-Bay by accident. Sure, he'll be able to blend in and live off of organic tofu and cannabis scraps, but for how long?"
"We've got find him and capture him, so that I can make a bloody fortune exhibiting that stupid fur-ball. Wait, I take that back. We've got to find this beast and capture him for his own protection and for the glorious progress of science. Yeah, that's it!"
