Coastal Sasquatch Ruins Pt. Reyes. Oysters. Banana Slugs. Tourism Trashed!
Sasquatch + Oysters + Banana Slugs don't mix, as the retched residents in the Pt. Reyes area learned last week. Stinson Beach locals are still recovering from a revolting visitation from a raw oyster and banana slug eating hairy hominid.
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| And Banana Slugs! Don't Forget Bigfoots! |
"These animals have no gastrointestinal reservations!" said a local purveyor of slightly aged oysters on the half-shell, "That big ape gobbled up my entire stash of sort-of-fresh salt-water bivalve molluscs. The beast looked food-coma happy but strange sounds were emitting from his belly. It was gross".
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| What's For Dinner? Yum Yum a la Sasquatch. |
What came next is hard to stomach. Queasy people should stop reading this eye-witness account
now. For dessert, the same simian gorged on glistening banana slugs. Banana slugs are the largest slimy slugs in North America. They are a bright yellow. Normally such a color would be a dead giveaway to predators, and banana slugs should have quickly gone extinct a long time ago. But cleverly, the wily banana slug eats the most nasty, grossest, collection of bottom feeding excretions in the known world. This renders the taste of a banana slug truly repulsive. Only a real idiot would eat one. This particular Sasquatch appears to be one of them.
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| Bigfoot Indigestion. Slugs and Oysters don't mix. |
The Pt. Reyes Sasquatch was last seen stumbling back into the forest, a look of dire dyspepsia written upon it's frowning furry face. Park Rangers are frantically counting the remaining Banana Slugs in the area. "Banana Slugs are an endangered species" said one slimed ranger, "Stupid UC Santa Cruz students keep stealing them. They stick them into dorm-food chili-night pots to freak out the freshman. Rumor has it that UC Santa Cruze dorm food actually tastes better with a dash of banana slug meat added...."
