"The Creature Came From Behind And Pounced!" Terrorized Hikers Escape Nasty Bigfoot Sighting near Lafayette California! Crazed Coyote a 'Quatch Casualty?
A semi-innocent band of hikers looking for the rare Fritillaria pluriflora wildflower in the foothills surrounding bucolic Lafayette were astounded to encounter a roaming Sasquatch during their botanical expedition. In an astounding coincidence, a demented coyote has also been spotted in the same area, biting multiple people and acting in a frenzied manner not commonly seen in these animals.
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| Super Scary Sasquatch Spotted in Serene Setting! |
It is rumored, but not confirmed, that the infamous Director of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, Dr. Karl Blinng, was spotted in the area. All of the suspects - the Sasquatch, the Coyote, and the Doctor - are suspected of harboring Rabies. Who was patient zero?
Divot Looney, a newly elected* Bored of Director to the institute, gave an impromptu press conference at the Yuba City facility to factually deny this coincidence. "Look" said Divot, "Take your sassy Sasquatch, your crazed coyote, your mad and demented Director.... with only of them foaming at the mouth. Just because Blinng is foaming at the mouth doesn't mean he is rabid.... oh wait..."
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| Bigfoot, Coyote, Demented Doctor, Rabies. Lysol won't help. |
The Institute is closed as a public health hazard temporarily. All the Bored of Directors have been placed into a two week quarantine at a pandemically closed dive diner in the Yuba City metropolitan area. The shuttered diner, famous for cold coffee and burnt toast, will serve the inmates free flat diet cokes and runny freeze-dried scrambled eggs, courtesy of the State Health Department. Rumors abound that the Governor may join them for a five-star dinner, however. Wearing masks is optional!
Ricard Scheister, a Bored of Director member and quasi-legal advisor, opined on the alleged potential connection between the mysterious bite attacks and a rabid Dr. Blinng. "Balderdash! Blinng has an alibi! Will the alibi lay down, yawn, and scratch itself in court - - but stand up? Not bloody likely!"
The Coyote? The cunning creature is still roaming the foothills, prowling the area looking for fresh ankles to bite. Bourbon Street Wild Life experts suspect the poor animal was subjected to a furry crypto-terror most horrible in sight and disgusting in smell. The experience drove the animal mad. It was too much to take, even for a mangy coyote.
*Erk Holohead confirms that since Divot's second check to the Institute for membership didn't bounce, the final vote was 4-0 to admit him... to the Bored of Directors that is. "Hey, money talks. Government funded crypto research funds diverted invested to boost the morale of the Institute employees are always welcome. Essentially, Dr. Blinng's wine cellar at the Institute is running low on Sparkling Wine and Extra Spicy Fritos.... he needs replenishment. All for the good of Science and Cryptozoological Research."
