Wagontire Oregon reeling from Second Sasquatch Sighting in 40 Years! Population Drops 33%!
The buzzing metropolis of Wagontire Oregon is suffering from the depopulating impact of a second bigfoot sighting in the city in less than 40 years. "Yes Sir", exclaimed the City Mayor, "That nasty apeman really put a hammer on our community. We've dropped 33% in loco, er, local residents overnight- from three to two! Crud, we can't take much more of this crazed cunning creature!"
|The apparently very lost Sasquatch beastie caught approaching the city of Wagontire in search of stale root beer. |
|Frightened Wagontire residents hastily closed the main commercial center of the city upon the incredible approach of the nasty man-ape hairy animal thingy. |
A local old-timer recalled the last time such a smelly savage was encountered at Wagontire, "Yep, it sure was a long time ago! 1980s I reckon? Not 1880s, my memory ain't so good anymore", he said scratching his head. "I remember a couple hairy tenderfoot numskulls stupid enough to ride bicycles through here back then... they sure as heck looked like them there sasquatches. They waz Calyfornians... and smelled to high heaven too, whooweee! They came riding into town looking for trouble and stale root beer, just like that there recent attack. But we showed them nasties who's boss. Yes Sir. We closed up the city good and tight, and took the air out them fancy frenchie bicycle machines.... for them it was 'FLAT-TIRE Oryygon... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"