ROBERTS REDWOOD PARK in RACK and RUIN! BIGFOOT BLAMED!

Suspicious Sasquatch Activity at Roberts Redwood Park! Bigfoot Attack! Mounds of Unauthorized Organic Fertilizer!

Roberts Regional Recreation Area was the scene of scurrilous Sasquatch savagery last week. Park official are keeping very quiet. A massive simian cover-up is suspected!

A Precious Trees Habitat Enhancement Project has been put on hold following the discovery of a massive odorous animal scat from an unknown beast. "The entire area is badly contaminated! While we can't say what sort of critter actually left this digusting souvenir, we do know it suffured from severe digestion issues and loved old rancid fried foods, walked on two legs, and was extremely hairy from tip-to-toe. But we're flummoxed.", sighed a Park Ranger who was suiting up for the massive detox project, "This beast leaves dung piles bigger than any St. Bernard I ever knew!"  

Brave but gullible Divot Looney, a member of the bored of directors with the Yeti not Seti Institute, was conducting a scientific exploration of the park for signs of Sasquatches. He was attacked yet again! After being released from the emergency room, he asked why Dr. Karl Blinng, who lead the expedition, didn't attempt to save him from the beastly attack. Blinng cackled and said "I'm dumb BUT I'm not stupid! Better that Bigfoot attack Divot than me. Besides, I was taking pictures for my rabid social-media followers. Great Sasquatch content, especially when that ape-man almost tore Looney's head off! That was pretty funny."

Blinng made an amazing shot of the beast as it sauntered off after the attack on Looney. "This is a million dollar photo! I can sell this the National Prober for a lot of mullah! It was worth Looney almost losing his head."

Erk Holohead released a Yeti not Seti Institute propaganda, er, press release: "Billions of readers of this informative news blog are asking if Looney has recovered from his Bigfoot attack and is OK? Well, at least a few people are asking, mostly bill collectors. We're happy to announce that Looney has completely recovered from his horrendous ordeal and received a few hundred Venezuelan Bolivares in compensation from the Institute. Like we said, he's rather gullible." 

Sasquatch Hubbub in Helsinki! Sasquatch-kaaos Suomessa!

Poor Porvoo! Harrassed Helsinki! Sibileius "Momument" Mystery! Bigfoots!

Did we say Bigfoots in Finland?

Finland has been the scene of recent wild Bigfoot sightings and big 'adventures', which has inadvertently triggered deep-rooted controversy over fiendish Finnish modern-art monuments. A North American Sasquatch is to blame. "Typical American Tourist.", sniffed a trendy Kotikalja-sipping Suomi unemployed social-media sophisticate, coiffed with glow-in-the-dark purple hair and armored with numerous metallic facial piercings. 

Sasquatch spotted at Helsinki's Senate Square! Startled locals and tourists quickly fled the area, often getting lost or on the wrong bus in their eagerness to escape the wafts of furry fetidness permeating the area. 

Pretty Porvoo did not escape the hairy beast's presence. Spotted along the Porvoonjoki by amazed locals and alarmed fabulously furry dogs, the beast skulked along the riverbank and ate ancient rock-hard licorice. "Licorice is not amber, although they are similar in texture.", proclaimed a local licorice peddler.

Fierce Finnish defenses at Porvoo were useless against the beast. "Look, we sell the world's best black licorice and chocolates to tourists in our little town. We let Helsinki do all the heavy defense work. We aren't prepared to fight smelly Crypto-Creatures. Voi herranjumala, did that ape-man leave a mess!" said a stunned city sanitation employee. A anti-crypto-creature army spokesman did appreciate the "Bigfoot was Here" graffiti joke left on an antique artillery piece by the hairy one; "Kappas, we thought it was our demented puny Russian neighbor Pieni-Putin... it was!" 

The mid-century abstract 'modern art' monument dedicated to the composer Sibelius is at once considered remarkable, ugly, striking, silly, serious, goofy, memorable, controversial, and is generally agreed to be a massive waste of taxpayer Euros. As a consequence, the metal slag is beloved by much of Helsinki's culture vultures. A mysterious graffiti tag was coincidently discovered after the recent Sasquatch invasion, which only adds to the monument's reputation. "Well, the hairy beast wrote, 'What the Heck is THIS?' across the sculpture. We kind of like the vandal touch; it adds artful color and character." pontificated an effete Arts and Culture journalist no one actually reads.  

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI NOT SETI bored of directors, was peculiarly in Finland during the Sasquatch sightings. "It is truly a nordic mystery as to how this adventurous North American Bigfoot made it over to the Baltic countries. The real danger, of course, is that this furry beast might make itself at home in the endless fir-tree forests of the north in Finland and go native. What would the beast eat? Are fermented wild berries, magical mystery mushrooms, raw moose steak, disjointed deer joints, and old rancid deep-fried lihapiirakka stuffed into trash bins enough Sasquatch sustenance for these dense monkey-men to live on?" 

More Summer Sasquatch Roadtrip Sightings!

Road Trippin' Bigfoots Gone Wild in the Summer of 2026! Texas and California Hit Again!

More disturbing reports of Bigfoot Sightings during preposterous summer road-trips have surfaced yet again in Texas and California. Why? For what purpose? Leave us alone already!

Luling Texas Loco After Bigfoot Spotted at Buckeees!

The small town of Luling Texas is famous for the famous Luling Watermelon Thump... and having the largest convenience store in the world. Weary travelers searching for gasoline, clean restrooms, and lots of stuff they never knew they needed stop in droves at the even more famous Buckeees off I-10... and were furiously flabbergasted to meet a skulking Sasquatch face-to-face!  

Bigfoot and Buckeee, best pals forever. Witnesses said the odorous monkey-beast tried to talk turkey with the stoic beaver. "He isn't too bright", said a store manager. 

Shocking staff and customers alike, the Sasquatch pondered the World Famous Jerky Wall for some time before grabbing an armload of the stuff and running out of the store, towards Woman Hollering Creek. "He liked the World Famous Jalapeño Jerkys... he cleaned us out!", lamented the store's World Famous Jerky Specialist. 

The Bigfoot thankfully avoided using the ultra-pristine sparkly-clean NASA approved restrooms. Erk Holohead was amazingly coincidentally there during the Bigfoot Attack. "He preferred to do his business in a pasture behind the large Buckeees Barbecue Sauce Tank out back. The alarmed cows were not amused. I feel sorry for the cows. I feel sorry for the water table! Jalapeños in large quantities is a recipe for a disaster. Call the Governor!"

Good Hike Nearly Spoiled by Sasquatch Sighting in San Ramon!

A Sasquatch crossed paths with a gang of Hikers in the hills near San Ramon California. The incident raises multiple questions of how hikers can protect themselves from amorous Bigfoots.

 

The lost hikers fully expected the Bigfoot to attack or at least throw fecal matter in their direction, but it strangely and semi-sedately crossed the human's path and utterly ignored them. "I don't know whether to feel relieved or snubbed!", said one mystified rambler.

Divot Looney was a member of the ambitious San Ramon hiking expedition, and feels rather lucky. "For once I wasn't attacked by a Bigfoot. It must be my new defensive strategy... I use soap now, and I carry a bar of soap with me when in dangerous Sasquatch Country... soap to a Bigfoot is like garlic to a vampire. I read that somewhere..."

 

Dr. Karl Blinng warned Divot not to get complacent. "You better be prepared, fool! Next time also use a deodorant! Ahhh, your fellow humans will also appreciate this small gesture of civilized personal hygiene." Erk Holohead also offered unsolicited advice. Why not? "Whatever you do, don't use scented deodorants near Bigfoots. Some of those underarm scents act as extremely powerful aphrodisiacs to Sasquatches of both sexes. I'm still experiencing PTSD over an unfortunate incident years ago!"

Bigfoot Caught Lurking at Russian Gulch California!

Kikki Dumpster, an avant-garde photographer from trendy Sacramento experimenting with artistic yet moody-fern-school-black-and-white photography accidentally caught a Sasquatch sneaking around in the background. "I was very proud of my fabulous fern shot, but that big ape-man spoiled it. I'm sick of nature, I'm going back to taking photos of Soup Cans!"   

A rival green-fern-school photographer (they are fiercely competitive) also reported a one-in-a million fern-photo opportunity bombed to smithereens by a nasty Bigfoot. "I was in Russian Gulch State Park, trying to beat my evil career nemisis Ms. Dumpster to an irreplaceable artistic-fern-photo-shoot location, when that THING came bounding through and spoiled my shots and trampled the priceless ferns. It was horrendous! I guess I'll have to go back to photographing dog portraits again, curse that hairy beast!"

Norway Numb from Bigfoot Sightings! Norge nummen etter Big Foot Observation!

Sneaky Sasquatch in Oslo! Norwegians Really Worked Up This Time!

Like a bad dream, Bigfoot sightings popped up all over Oslo, Norway last month. Oslo city police politely request normally stoic city dwellers to remain calm, comatose, and semi-alert for future fur-fetish dangers. Panic at home if you must!

Startled tourists saw what looked like a North American Bigfoot or an Inflatable Advertising Sasquatch Blimp perched on top of the world famous Holmenkollbakken Ski Jump above Oslo. Holmenkollbakken means "Who would be crazy enough to try this?" in Norwegian. Speculation is rampant that only a Bigfoot could have conceived of this sport?

Sasquatch sightings reached the center of Oslo, near the National Theater. "Even the pigeons where afraid!", commented a very steamed-off coffee vendor nearby. "Bad for business. Some small yappy dogs put up a ferocious defense near the trash bins, frustrating the big ape's nasty plans to scavenge for old lutefisk".  

Sightseeing Sasquatch skulking near the Norway Parliament Building! Parliament closed! No one noticed! "It took a while to determine if he was a member of Parliament or a stinkende villape, but when he used the plaza to relieve an urgent call of nature we knew immediately... he was with the Green Party." 

At the Frammmm Ship Museum, there is a remarkable model of the Frammmm solidly stuck in Arctic Ice for three years - - as a what-could-go-wrong nautical exploration experiment. Overlooked by modern museum experts, a Sasquatch is clearly depicted as part of the crew! "This entire expedition was incredible! Deliberately allowing the Arctic Ice to freeze the ship and allow it travel in ice flows for 3 years? Insane. No wonder a Bigfoot volunteered for duty! Why isn't this remarkable history more commonly known... other than causing widespread panic? Why?" 

Were Bigfoots Vikings? Were Vikings Bigfoots? Or at least cosplay Wagnerian Opera Fans? Ancient Alien Theorists are convinced there is compelling evidence for unpleasant Sasquatch and Viking interactions one thousand years ago. "Meeting scraggy Sasquatches, not savage Skraelings, may been the REAL reason those Lief Erikson Vikings would rather chill in Iceland and freeze in icy Greenland than make a permanent home in Vinland and live in Miami Beach Condos during the winter.", pontificated one very unusually coiffed ancient alien cable-tv expert.

Erk Holohead, a bored member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in fjord friendly Yuba City, California, was amazed. "I'm in a knotted Nordic mental maze. I am totally 'mazed! Jeg er helt forbløffet! Bigfoots, Vikings, Ski Jumps, Lutefisk, Wagner, bar soap... the pernicious possibilities from Norseman Sasquatch interactions over the centuries are astounding! Norway has a lot to answer for! After this World Cup is over, that is. In the meantime, forget about it."

Bigfoot Sightings in Oklahoma, Texas, and California! 2026 Sasquatch Summer Madness Begins!

"On the Road Again." near fatal mistake for 2026 Summer Travelers: Sasquatch Sightings spoil a good drive!

Multiple reports have flooded the Yeti Not Seti institute from worrisome road-trip encounters with Bigfoots. "We appreciate these vastly important bits of Bigfoot news.", pleaded Erk Holohead, an Institute bored of director, "But stop being cheapskates and put real, not xeroxed, stamps on your letters? We're tired of paying for your postage!" 

Catoosa Oklahoma left Caterwauling from Bigfoot Adventure! 

The famous Blue Whale Roadside attraction in Catoosa was sullied by a random Bigfoot sighting. "I was totally surprised, yet somehow weirdly serene, when suddenly a big smelly Bigfoot photo-bombed my photo of the famous cerulean Sirene in Catoosa.", masticated Ricard Scheister, an also member of the Instituted. Scheister is a retired lawyer who has been institutionalized multiple times for assorted legal issues, though he always manages to get out and evade charges.   

Sasquatch, Catoosa Blue Whale, Bologna, Adrian, Middle Point of Somewhere Cafe, Cadillac Ranch. A road trip to remember! Countless hours of  new-age therapy will help, a bit. 

"Speaking of mastication, I had a wonderful culinary novelty whilst driving 80 MPH (I kept getting passed, but I like the left lane!) on I-40 towards Amarillo and the Cadillac Ranch. We were ordered by a 'friend' of mine to try out a famous fried-bologna sandwich lathered in peanut butter at the famous Middle Point of Somewhere Cafe in Adrian, Texas. It was very healthy and interesting! I'm going to open an artisanal sandwich shop when I get home and this amazing item will be get top billing! No Bigfoots spotted. If they ever found out about this sandwich, Adrian Texas is in trouble.", continued Scheister. 

Northern California Hit with Multiple Bigfoot Sightings!

California Fish & Game officials are casually investigating a mysterious empty fishing boat on the Sacramento River. Sasquatches are to blame. A crime scene is suspected. "We blame Bigfoots. We always blame Bigfoots.", confided a slightly overweight fishy games officer. "The fishing boat was beached along the riverbank. The fisherman have completely disappeared. We found Bigfoot tracks all over the place. No fingerprints. All the smelly bait and fried snacks were missing. We fear the worst! That is to say we may have to work this weekend on the case, which really stinks because I was going Speckled Snipe Hunting on Saturday." 

Missing Fly Fisherman, Empty Boat, Sasquatch Sighting. Connected?

 Wine Country Hike Marred by Sasquatch Attack! Vinologists almost Vindicated!

In a completely separate but somehow curiously related incident, several bargain-basement jug wine makers were ambushed while hiking through brushy hills in California wine country, while looking for lost grapes. "It's not like we were desperately poaching other people's vineyards for higher quality grape cuttings." sniffed Crass FFFFleps, vinologist at Dollar-a-Gallon-Rotgut Wines LLC, "Well, we were poaching, but so what? It's standard business practice around here. But that Sasquatch attack really messed up our vine cutting liberation plans. The nasty beast had a stench like you wouldn't believe! The beast's appearance had a mangy looking color and clarity. Its wild aroma was beyond words, and the hairy notes are unmentionable. If this Sasquatch was a wine, the palate taste would hint at earthy, I mean really earthy, flavors. Best not to talk about texture and mouthfeel. The finish? Well, if these qualities were ever but into a wine bottle, you wouldn't want to finish it! You'd want to call 911!". 

Bigfoot plus Wine Country equals Vinegar.

Grape Cuttings Poaching Expedition Thwarted! Sasquatch ruins planned raids. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in Wino Friendly Yuba City, California, was feeling exuberant. "I'm inebriated! I mean exuberated! At last we have verified sightings of Sasquatches in Oklahoma and in Northern California Wine Country! As a pestatarian, I eat sea-life but no mammalian red meat... but an undercover 'research' to trip to Catoosa will allow me to savor a mouth-watering Oklahoma filet 14 ounce Filet Mignon steak, medium well, and no one I know will be the wiser for it. As far as wine country goes, I have a tipsy top secret plan. If I can bottle the unique flavors, notes, and essences of bigfoots and put them into a wine bottle with a screw-cap, I could make a fortune! Gotta work on that pesky wine texture and mouth-feel a bit. I can also make sparkling wine as a mass-market spin-off product. Great for bad BBQs. Ha! Who needs the FDA, anyway!"

Copenhagen Cowers! Goes Coo Coo Over Sasquatch Sighting!

Denmark Demented! Bigfoot spotted in Copenhagen! København går amok! 

The normally laid-back city of Copenhagen was assaulted by a mysterious North American Bigfoot over the May Day weekend, disrupting traffic, tourism, and overall Danish citizen mellowness. 

May Day was a fine time for local denizens to visit the Royal Park, frolic about, and drink OK beer. Unfortunately, this savage Sasquatch thought the same thing. 

A Royal Park eyewitness enjoying the spring weather claimed the beast sauntered through the park heading straight to the Rosenborg Slot Royal Palace. "That big mangy ape walked like it was the King himself! Ah, there is absolutely no resemblance whatsoever. Anyway, our King knows how to use a razor. This Sasquatch creature doesn't have a clue."

The errant Bigfoot, mere seconds before it entered the Rosenborg Slot Castle and did something truly and remarkably disgusting. 

The beast somehow slipped past the Castle Royal Guards on duty, and snuck through a side window. Things went badly wrong from there. 

The Royal Loo. A precious symbol of Denmark. The Royal Castle was the victim of Bigfoot Graffiti and much, much worse. 

"We think the nasty beast had an extremely urgent call-of-nature situation. It saw the Royal Loo and proceeded to empty it's putrefactive bowels. The resulting stench was so bad we had to evacuate tourists overcome with nausea and close the Castle!", said a shaken royal guard. "We're trained to handle just about anything threatening or oidous, but this... this... this... I just can't talk about it right now!"

"This Bigfoot beast is a hairy smelly frafalden!" exclaimed a stressed curator of the Rosenborg Slot Royal Castle. "That frygteligt bæst caused hundreds of thousands of Krone in damage to royal historic artifacts and in emergency bio-hazard clean-up remediation fees. That's about $241.95 in US dollars. Tak til Gud we have thousands of tourists visit every week to this place. Those rubes will have no idea what happened here. We'll break even in a few days." 

The Sasquatch vandalized a famous painting, originally commissioned in the 1700s to warn Royal Families not to marry their first cousins. The monkey man tagged the priceless work of art with a juvenile message that says "I think this chick is HOT!". 

But the EU Customs warning sign mentions nothing of Bigfoots! The European Union, driven to urgent action, will create a 10 million Euro, multi-year, multi-lingual task-force to investigate messaging options to update the sign. 

Denmark is in an understated Nordic political uproar over this unpleasant Bigfoot incursion. The EU is in a bureaucratic uproar, as usual. Fingers are pointing to the USA as the culprit, as usual. "Is this some sort of blackmail attempt by the Orange Man in the United States to force Denmark to hand over Greenland?", screamed a recent editorial from a Danish Newspaper no one actually reads. The US State Department denies the charge: "We do not deny that the Sasquatch is likely from our country, but we categorically deny sending any such ape beast as an agent provocateur. They are really dumb, dense animals. We mean, really, really thick in the head. Like really really really lacking in brain-cells. Try talking to Canada!"

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in Scandinavia-like Yuba City, California, was phlegmatic. "Excuse me a minute, I have some phlegm in my throat. Ahhh, much better now! Look, I was in Denmark during that time of the Sasquatch attacks on København. I don't think it was the fault of the Americans nor the Canadians. It was those sneaky, deceitful, devious Belgians! They'll stop at nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing!!!"

The YETI NOT SETI Institute would like to apologize to the governments of Belgium, Denmark, The United States, Canada, the Danish Royal Family and anyone else offended by any comments made or construed as insulting, rude, crude, or infantile. So back off already! We have a retired lawyer on retainer!

Panamá City Panic! Carnival Crumbles as Bigfoot Crashes Party Scene!

Gringo Sasquatch Spotted near Carnival Central in Panamá City! Police Perplexed! ¡La policía está perpleja!

Carnival is a big deal in Panamá. But a feral North American Bigfoot looking to 'party hardy' is an even bigger deal - - for Panamá Health and National Security Forces, that is.  

What are those creatures in the Poster? Mysterious Graffiti!

 "There were signs a Bigfoot was going to show up and cause problems.", stated a spokesman from the Mayor's Office. "Literally. There were signs! Some mysterious buffoon tagged our Carnival signs with "Beeg Fut Aqui" graffiti. Who did this? Why? Estúpidos. We are not laughing!"

Panamá Bigfoot lurking near a Carnival Police Patrol and an expensive Anti-Sasquatch Barrier.

The North American Monkey was spotted sneaking around La Cinta Costera, frantically searching for a way past security guards and extensive fencing to sneak into the special exclusion zone around the Carnival Action without paying. "We could never find the beast", said policeman on duty, "but we could sure smell him. ¡Qué olor tan terrible!".

The disruptive primate photo-bombed numerous tourists at the famous PANAMA Sign and empty fountain near Avenida Balboa. 

Panamá City vista ruined by a Simian Sunset. Pesky Bigfoot activity gave no reprieve to the locals or to the city bio-hazards disposal team. 

The Bigfoot maliciously tagged an authentic fake Banksy artwork in Bella Vista with juvenile graffiti. The Ape-Hunt continues!

"We believe this ape-monster has left Panamá City some months ago.", said a spokesman for the Mayor, "Hopefully never to return!"

Erk Holohead, a member of the prestigious YETI NOT SETI Institute located in balmy Yuba City, California, and a Bored of Director, was in Panamá during the rash of Sasquatch sightings. "I have a body-rash. Er, I mean it was rash of Panamanian authorities to allow Carnival 2026 to continue in light of a dangerous Sasquatch roaming the City. They were very lucky I was there when the creature was active. I of course offered my extensive Bigfoot knowledge to the Mayor's office, and have let them know my consulting expertise is available for a commensurate fee. Strange, but my phone hasn't rung yet. They must have the wrong number?"  

NOT Maui Wowie! Hilo Haunted! Bigfoot Sighting in Horrified Hawaii!

Hawaiian Island of  NOT-Maui Scene of Sasquatch Sighting! "Not a hairy tourist!"

(Editors Note: The Blog's creative-news-writing staff profusely apologize for any confusion caused from mistaking the BIG island of Hawaii with the scenic island of Maui-not-Hawaii. As a token of our sincerity, the Institute is shipping a large sample of moist bonafide Bigfoot excreta collected in San Francisco to a major Hawaiian museum, to be selected by whichever institution pays the least amount in protection money. I kiss your hand, Erk Holohead.) 

The island residents of Hawaii required mass sedation after a series of disturbing reports of Bigfoot sightings across major tourist traps cunningly set to trap visitor Kālā kik, or as we locals like to say, Pala'oă mă'kă i hŏ'ŏwă'lĭ ĭ'ă. 

Guess which one is the Hog.

"Talk about your mainland invasive species! That Bigfoot was not only invasive it was obnoxious. How it got here is a complete mystery. Our fierce Chihuahua K-9 Patrols completely missed him!", said a local police spokesman sipping on a Not-Maui-Mule during his routine 3 hour lunch. 

The Beast almost took a 3 hour tour, just a 3 hour tour. The Captain of the Ship barred the gang-plank. "Ahoy there! I have enough problems with my idiotic crew... get back you mangy land-lubber!"

Hawaii Big Island not Maui Beaches attracted the beach-combing Sasquatch around sunset. "It ate 10 sets of car keys and 4 vape sticks found in the sand!" said a local surf bum. 

Hilo beach goers were shocked to see a Sasquatch roam the area, while the beast searched for not-so-fresh poke. 

Sasquatch meets a Hawaiian not Mauian Gorilla. Or an Ancient Inca Simian Space Alien? Enquiringly demented minds want to know. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, which is located in the ukulele capital of the world in balmy Yuba City California, had something to say. "I have something to say! I was there on the island for vacat... official business. I was conducting very important research into the possibility that Sasquatches reached Hawaii years before humans arrived. I'm convinced the beasts floated on buffalo bladders and let prevailing currents take them to the islands. Anyway, that's what my grant proposal said. Some deep-pocketed idiot was stupid enough to fund my expedition, sucker. Errrrr, strike that last comment!" 

Mating Season Bigfoot Spotted at Oroville Dam and Gourmet Sasquatch Restaurant!

Oroville Residents and Renegade Fly Fisherman Flummoxed at Bigfoot Eats Joint!

The Bigfoot Eats Restaurant near Oroville Dam was subjected to a bonafide Sasquatch Sighting during a crowded lunch hour. Fortunately no panic enthused, since customers assumed the beast was an jokester wearing a Bigfoot suite. "We get a lot of these guys come in dressed-up like a Sasquatch.", exclaimed a veteran employee at the Bigfoot joint. "Most of them look really goofy. But THIS ONE... well, we're wondering if that was a human in a monkey suit or an actual bigfoot!"

This Sasquatch looked too real?

 Oroville Police aren't talking much. "Hey we were across town having coffee and donuts, it's our thing you know?" The Mayor's office issued a statement deflecting all blame for Bigfoot activity in the area on Yuba City, stating that since the infamous YETI NOT SETI Institute is located there... the Sasquatch must have been an secret research laboratory escapee. 

No eye contact was made during the encounter! People are dumb but not stupid when it comes to aggravating dangerous crypto-wildlife... except city tourists in Yellowstone, apparently. 

Shameless Plug for Bigfoot Eats and Market: The Sasquatch Salad was scrumptious.

Sasquatch shocks ferocious fanatical fly fisherman at Lake Oroville. 

 Lake Oroville Fly fisherman were gobsmacked to see a Sasquatch stroll by on the shoreline way too early in the morning. "That smelly simian sabotaged our secret fishing spot!", complained one irate fisherman. "Now we'll have to settle for fried fish sandwichs at a drive-through. I do like the pickles, though."

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, was cantankerous. "I'm really cantankerous today! First, my fabulous fly fishing expedition was ruined by a Bigfoot across the lake. Barnacles! Second, the Mayor of Oroville has dared to accused our paranoid but conspiratorial crypto-animal-secret-society of housing Sasquatch specimens in hidden research labs! What balderdash! We only keep Wuhan Lab Viral Specimens in an open petri dish. It's part of our 'cross-culture' program. Nothing to worry about! Nothing to see here! Wait a minute, I need to adjust my face-mask, I feel a bit woozy today." 

Sasquatch Versus Jogging Gang at Dive Bar! Run Away!

Inebriated Sacramento Joggers Astounded at Bigfoot Runner Confrontation! "Worse than a half-marathon!" 

Eye-witness accounts of a health-conscious Sacramento Sasquatch in full Bandit Runner Mode. He was also headed in the wrong direction. 

Sacramento Police barely averted a aerobically juiced riot when a savage ultra-marathoner Sasquatch barged into a notorious dive bar known to be frequented by weekend jogger gangs. A risky recipe for civil behaviour disorder!

 

Having Fromage malodorant accompagné d'un mauvais vin does not go well with Bigfoots nearby.

 

Patrons at the Joggers Bar, having jogged a weekend fun run, were busy drinking bad wine and eating bad cheese. The atmosphere was already tense and full of repressed violence. Attracted by the malevolent odors of mauvais fromage et vin de piètre qualité en décomposition, a ultra-marathon running Sasquatch was distracted from his 'run' and barged into the dive Joggers Bar, looking for the source of these (for him) delectable refreshments. 

 

"I hit the wall when that hairy running poseur showed-up. Seeing that beast steal our gourmand dishes was worse than the most irritating chafing of my groin area when jogging 4 block marathons!" A carefully paced bar fight was averted when the intruder grabbed a chunk of ancient cheese, a dusty wine bottle complete with screw-top, and darted out to rejoin the ultra-marathon race being held nearby. "The moron went in the wrong direction.", smirked a jogger-gang leader, "He's probably searching for a double cheeseburger with fries. Say, that's not a bad idea. Let's go, gang!"  

 

The marathon posing Sasquatch held a threatening unidentified object in its hands before snatching his precious jogging snacks. "French bread carbs can really hurt a jogger!" said a scared eye-witness.

 

Kiki Dumpster, a newly hatched bored member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, located in runner's high Yuba City, California, was doping on Bigfoot. "I'm doped! That's why I always win my over-a-certain-age class fun runs! Listen, I was there when that smelly marathoning animal barged in. It's lucky it left when it did, otherwise that mob of drunk joggers in the bar would have left the sandbagging Sasquatch with a nasty charlie horse!"