Sunday, November 15, 2020

Wagontire Oregon Hit With BIGFOOT ATTACK!

Wagontire Oregon reeling from Second Sasquatch Sighting in 40 Years! Population Drops 33%!

The buzzing metropolis of Wagontire Oregon is suffering from the depopulating impact of a second bigfoot sighting in the city in less than 40 years. "Yes Sir", exclaimed the City Mayor, "That nasty apeman really put a hammer on our community. We've dropped 33% in loco, er, local residents overnight- from three to two! Crud, we can't take much more of this crazed cunning creature!"

The apparently very lost Sasquatch beastie caught approaching the city of Wagontire in search of stale root beer. 

Efforts by the monster to find stale rancid root beer were unsuccessful, but it did manage to find some overlooked Mr. Pibb bottles and BigHunk candy bars sitting on a unused gas pump since 1980. After securing this bodacious booty, the blaring beast beat a trail back to the mountains from whence it came. 

Frightened Wagontire residents hastily closed the main commercial center of the city upon the incredible approach of the nasty man-ape hairy animal thingy. 

A local old-timer recalled the last time such a smelly savage was encountered at Wagontire, "Yep, it sure was a long time ago! 1980s I reckon? Not 1880s, my memory ain't so good anymore", he said scratching his head. "I remember a couple hairy tenderfoot numskulls stupid enough to ride bicycles through here back then... they sure as heck looked like them there sasquatches. They waz Calyfornians... and smelled to high heaven too, whooweee! They came riding into town looking for trouble and stale root beer, just like that there recent attack. But we showed them nasties who's boss. Yes Sir. We closed up the city good and tight, and took the air out them fancy frenchie bicycle machines.... for them it was 'FLAT-TIRE Oryygon... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Monday, July 6, 2020

College Graduation Photo-Bombed by Bigfoot!

Family Kodak Moment turns to Mush as Marauding Sasquatch Photo-Bombs San Diego!

In what can only be called a conspiracy, a well-planned graduation photo carefully prepared by the Blinng family was utterly ruined when a blustering Bigfoot barged into the frame, destroying in a split-second over 60 minutes of meticulously arranged posing, tassels, hair, and teeth.
Cryptozoology?! Is that a Major?!
It is reported that Dr. Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, missed the entire Bigfoot sighting yet again, having turned his back for a split-second to take his daily snuff. Subsequently frantic searches for any stray Sasquatch DNA came up negative.

As for the recent graduate, she has returned her BS Degree in Marine Biology to the University. "This is bogus!", she exclaimed. "After all these years of studying smelly fishy fishes and mucus loving Mollusca Aplacophora, I realize now where my true career lies - Cryptozoology!", she said excitedly. "Yes, that is where the real action is! No more research into Thiomargarita Namibiensis, oh no! It's Mermaids, The Loch Ness Monster, and Aquatic Space Alien Civilizations for me! Oh yes, and Gigantopithicus Revoltus - Bigfoot!", she said proudly, "I'll tell daddy he has to pay for 4 more years of college. He'll be very happy to learn of my new plans!"

At that point, Dr. Blinng complained of a sharp pain in his chest, swooned, and passed-out clutching his wallet. Recent reports indicate he is recovering nicely at the Institute's Yuba City facility, under observation.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Bigfoot Spotted in the People's Republic of Bezerkley!

Skulking Socially Distant Sasquatch Skirts Serious Stay-at-Home Order in Berkeley! City Police and Health Department Officials in Frantic Search for the Hairy Beast!

A masked lumbering Sasquatch has been spotted in Berkeley California, sparking alarm from health officials dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic and lock-down enforcement. Speculation is rampant as to the motives and health of the beast. The Bigfoot is apparently following proper social distancing rules, wearing a mask when roaming the area while stealing fried foods and terrifying shocked squirrels and stupefied pigeons. Why would a Bigfoot show it's furry face (sort of) in the city now?
Masked and Socially Distant Sasquatch spotted by remote home camera in Berkeley.  

Ricard Scheister, Legal Counsel and 24-hour Bail Bondsman for the YETI-NOT-SETI Institute, has a theory on why the shaggy beast is prowling the city. "It's simple, really, even a Blinng or a Holohead can figure this one out. The University of California at Bezerkley is closed because of this nasty virus pandemic thingy. That means all dorm residents were kicked out, along with all the illegal pets they snuck into their dorms, including rattlesnakes, sharks, and unicorns. This poor excuse of an animal is a dormitory pet that escaped! The beast blends in with campus undergraduates and Telegraph Avenue minions. No one would notice until closer inspection revealed an oddly massive amount of body hair, no clothes, and regrettable personal hygiene habits. This sensible Sasquatch may have fled the dorms to escape notoriously bad dorm food and went commando months ago. We just don't know. We never do! As a shady lawyer, ah, as a lawyer who loves shade, I'm perfectly willing to consult on this vital matter.... I charge by the minute, major credit cards accepted."

Epidemiologists and Serious Space Alien researchers have been speculating for months now regarding a potential Wuhan China link between Yetis, Sasquatches, and ferociously feral hamsters. The Berkeley health department recommends everyone wear your masks and avoid hairy Sasquatches at all times. 

Monday, June 15, 2020

YETI Not SETI Institute photographs of Board of Director Members Revealed

Meet The Institute Directors!

The world famous YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE located in exotic Yuba City, California is proud to release photos of our Board of Directors. 

See their Mug Shots, ah, Publicity Photos, at:

Sunday, December 29, 2019


New Orleans Don't Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler After Amazing Bigfoot Spotting!

While Crescent City Hall denizens, Swampy Land Tourism Board members, and sober Bourbon Street saloon owners are attempting a cover-up, our incredible Blog has uncovered the truth! Using skillful journalistic sleuthing skills and a few well placed bribes here and there - - we've learned the awful facts. A Sasquatch invaded New Orleans!

Both locals and tourists were astounded by the sight of a Bigfoot sauntering down Bourbon Street.
"Who Dat? What Dat?!", said Raimond Faucheaux, a shocked bartender at the Chouteau Jazz House, "I've seen 'em all over de years... dis town is full of crazy people. But I ain't never seen nutin' like dat  furry beast! He smelled really bad, too!"
No, gator doesn't taste like chicken. It tastes like Gator. That didn't stop Sasquatch from gobbling gator bits stolen from gastronomically challenged guests at this fine eatery. 
The arrival of the hairy Sasquatch, along with his personal hygiene habits, caused enough commotion and consternation amongst the very inebriated tourists lurking around the area that the department of health actually SHUT DOWN BOURBON STREET for 15 minutes at 5 AM, taking care to clean the normally rancid street with extra enthusiasm, in order to remove all traces of Bigfoot bodily functions. Not missing a great marketing opportunity when they smell it, several local establishments created competing versions of a "Bigfoot Cocktail" - - both new drink creations apparently having over 20 shots of different liquors blended in some fiendishly diabolical manner. Hospitals are standing by.
Curious Bigfoot perplexed by inanimate Big Mardi Gras Ape... Bingly Beads also confused the bedazzled beast. 
Dr. Blinng, Commander-in-Chief of the world famous YETI NOT SETI Institute in sober Yuba City, California, was miffed. "I'm miffed! I finally get invited to a serious Sasquatch Conference here in New Orleans to make a presentation in a nice local bar... my paper reveals the amazing facts concerning our years of novel research into the primeval connections between Bigfoots, spoiled Parmesan Cheese, and Ancient Alien Astronauts. OK, yeah I had to pay for the hotel and airfare, but I got breakfast for free and and a free Hurricane during the social hour! It was only after drinking that amazing concoction that all heck broke loose out on Bourbon Street. All that yelling! I jumped up from my bar stool to see what all the shouting was about and blacked out... it must have been the jet lag. Once I recovered, it was 3 in the afternoon and all that valuable Bigfoot feces and DNA evidence had been washed down the sewers, gone forever. Mon Dieu, I was soooooo close this time! Oh well. Bartender, another Hurricane please!"

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Irritating Icelandic Panic as Sasquatch Sighted on Ísland!

Bigfoot Spotted By Waterfall Sodden Tourists! Iceland Erupts!

The sudden and unwelcome appearance of an Sasquatch in Iceland has shaken the volcanic island to its core, causing concern amongst the tourist classes. "Ya sure", said a somber Danish tourist, "We waz looking at yet another barren volcanic hill and another waterfall, when along come this mad hairy creature, out of nowhere! It stank to heaven, and proceeded to raid our delicious sardine-boxed lunch kits, the brute. It ran off stinking of fish and God knows what else!"
Sasquatch in Iceland! Sasquatch skoðað á Íslandi!
"This is worse than the Eyjafjallajokull volcano eruption, except I can pronounce 'Sasquatch', said a local Íslendingur, "We thought Bigfoot was a hoax, but no more! Ég er mjög undrandi yfir því að svona loðið dýrið myndi ráðast inn á Ísland."
Is History Repeating Itself?
The Bigfoot was spotted again later in the week, at the site of a 1973 plane crash. The crashed C-117 has been kept in a state of pristine near-arctic collapse, as the old wreckage helps to alleviate the rather predictable volcanic surroundings. 
Bigfoot Coverup? You Decide!
Dr. Blinng, Chairman-For-Life of the YETI-NOT-SETI Institute of Cryptozoological Studies, has an amazing theory about the 1973 crash. "It was a cover-up! Pure and simple! I like simple! The CIA was ferrying a Sasquatch to Iceland for the Cold War, as it was rumored the Soviets had trained a Yeti squadron for Arctic assignments. But something went wrong. Something went VERY wrong, and the doomed plane crashed. The CIA hastily abandoned the project. The KGB gave up on using Yetis soon after, with rumors abounding of an abominable environmental catastrophe at the Arkticheskiy Institut Islands (Острова Арктического института). Both savage species are untrainable and cannot be house-trained! It was a recipe for disaster."

The local Icelanders, ever so Nordic and phlegmatic, assume the hairy beast is a lost real estate agent from North America, looking for a house-flipping success after unsuccessfully trying to buy Greenland.

Friday, April 19, 2019

Hairy Mt. Diablo Demon Terrorizes Local Mobster Mary Juana Farmers!

Bay Area Weed Botanists Astounded by Aggressive Bigfoot Sighting!

Mt. Diablo hikers on a precious week-end plant gathering exhibition were attacked by a savage Sasquatch this week. This intrepid blog has obtained precious photos of the actual Bigfoot for only $3000 in cash, small unmarked bills as agreed.
Bonafide Bigfoot Attacks Medicinal Botanicals Professional!
 The nature lovers were shell-shocked. Stoned, as it were. "Wadda do you want, punk?", said one of the Mt. Diablo state park nature loving adventurers, "We was strictly minding our own business, see? Yeass, looking for our special crop, er, rare weed specimens for our botanical weed collection, see? Yeah, that's the ticket. Botanical weed collection. So this big hairy ape comes up to us and attacks us, see? I wudda plugged him good right then and 'dere, but that stupid Dr. Blinng was with us. He says 'No don't shoot it! It's an endangered crypotospecies!' that no-good ape goes and steals our stash, I mean, he took our precious botanical samples wit 'em. I don't like it, see? The deal went bad. Dat Blinng is gonna swim with the fishies if he don't smartin' up, see?"
Mt. Diablo Demon. Authentic Crypto-photograph.
Dr. Blinng, Director for Life of the YETI Not SETI Institute, is in hiding and cannot be reached. His voicemail says "I'm out. Leave your message at the sound of the tone. I'll reply once the heat is off. Hey, if this call is from Frank "The Enforcer", Hi Frank! I got the money! Just give me a few days, I'm beggin' youse..."

No precious Sasquatch bodily fluids were obtained during this incident, surprisingly.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Past Panamá Bigfoot Sightings Revealed!

Panamá Bigfoot Sightings Revealed by the YETI not SETI Institute.

Panamá Bigfoot Pandemonium - An Unnatural History:

Bigfoot Sightings in the Republic of Panamá.

All The POOP on Panama and Bigfoot!

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Posh Panama Perplexed By Bigfoot Sighting!

Perturbed Panamanians Panic, Pout, and Pontificate on Rare Sasquatch Sighting!

Panama City residents are in a uproar, more than usual, over multiple sightings of a reclusive Panama Bigfoot in formerly fancy ocean-front neighborhoods. The hairy ape-beast was spotted haunting Punta Pacifica, Punta Paitilla, and the Cinta Costera neighborhoods, apparently searching for raspao and left-over artisanal pizza slices.
Sasquatch Spoiling Posh Punta Pacifica - Condo Prices Crashed within Minutes!
A local Punta Pacifica realtor was shocked. "I was showing some potential buyers a nice condo unit in Bahia Lotte Grande, the building formerly known as the Frump International Hotel & Tower. I had those buyers hook, line, and sinker. Cash sale! But it all turned into a real stinker once they saw that ugly sasquatch thingy loitering around the main entrance plaza. People were astounded! I had to discount that unit 25% to get the deal done. I'm going to write a book on this, called 'The art of the Bigfoot deal'."
Bigfoot caught Gazing at the Cinta Costera. 
The Cinta Costera is normally full of happy fashionably jaded joggers, willful walkers, scattered students and toasty tourists. These people move much faster than the traffic on nearby Avenida Balboa. But not today. Once word spread of a Bigfoot sighting the place emptied out within minutes. Sanitation experts closed the formerly scenic pathway for hours while checking for any bio-hazard souvenirs the beast may have left behind.
Panama Sasquatch Sours Punta Paitilla.
Punta Paitilla was not spared from the Sasquatch's big Panama adventure. Sightings brought street traffic to a virtual standstill, but no one in the area could tell the difference.
Bigfoot Saunters Past Club Union. Membership Plummets. Keep Walking Bigfoot!
The classy Club Union in Punta Paitilla received a hairy hit from the Panama Bigfoot incursion. After the beastie was spotted sauntering by the exclusive Club membership cancellations were rumored to have tripled, though management is not commenting.

Erk Holohead, a dues paying bored of directors member of the YETI not SETI Institute in bone-dry Yuba City, California, was paranoid about Panama. "I'm paranoid! There have been a diaper RASH of puzzling Panama Bigfoot sightings in recent years, but no one is taking action! No one is talking about it! Well, except for the 25 independent candidates running from the President of Panama in 2019, but no one listens to them anyway."

This brave blog has been tracking Bigfoot activities in Panama for years. The evidence is clear, something pernicious is happening in Panama, and positively involves a nasty ape-man with poor public hygiene.

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Swiss Sasquatch Sighted! Davos Denizens in Denial!

Davos Man in Panic at Bigfoot Sighting! Swiss Army Knife Reserve Called Out in Alert!

After a rare savage Sasquatch sighting, the Swiss government's national defense minister has declared a horrible, hairy, and helvitca situation exists in the small but infamous village of Davos, Switzerland. Local Graubünden Canton residents and excitable squeaky voiced Boomberg News commentators who are World Economic Forum groupies and wear bow-ties are absolutely agitated and aghast.
The Surprised  Diabolical "Davos Devil" Ape Man Caught on a very Surprised Security Camera.
"This is horrible!", said a local stone-faced resident in the middle of shoplifting a luxury handbag shop on the Talstrasse. "I've lived here my whole life. We like our country neat, clean, rich, and orderly, danke. I've never seen anything so revolting as that behaart creature sneaking around our perfect Swiss village. Our streets are cleaner than Disney World, ja? Then this bloody bothersome beast shows up and stinks the place up. Disgusting! This could hurt our chances of hosting the World Economic Forum in 2019. Hmmm, perhaps that's not a bad thing?"
Davos Bigfoot Downgrading Terrorized Swissy Train Station.
The Simian Swiss troubles did not stop at street level in Davos. No, the Sasquatch ransacked the train station looking for left-over pommes frittes in trash bins - - shocking travelers not only because he is a, well, an ape man, but also because the creature was clearly seeking out unhealthy food choices high in cholesterol.
The Sound of Music this Ain't.
Swiss nature lovers were not spared from the alpine Bigfoot's wrath. Even forced-march hikers in the mountains above Davos ran into the beast. Jassyka Blinng, a long-suffering, underpaid, and overworked intern at the YETI not SETI institute, was enjoying a grueling hike up to a nearby peak to see the spot where the famous Ricola commercial was filmed. To her astonishment the hairy beast had the same idea. "I can't seem to shake these stupid Bigfoots off! It's weird.", said Jassyka, "First New Zealand, then Antarctica, now Davos. I feel like a Bigfoot pawn in someone's silly juvenile middle-school prank!"

Kluless Schwwak, esteemed founder and executive chairman of an important annual talk-shop forum held every winter in Davos, sounded desperate. "Ja, OK I'm verzweifelt! This nasty ape man thing has really hurt our brand. Strong action must be taken. For this year only, we're dropping our annual Forum membership fees for corporations down from $1,000,000,000,000 to $999,000,000,000 and 98 cents, and individuals can rub their designer suit elbows with the rich, famous, and opinionated for only $99,000 and 99 cents a  year! We've included a free open bar for 10 minutes on day three, two drink tickets per delegate. Hurry, this great deal won't last, especially after we chase that Bigfoot bother back to bloody Belgium!"

This amazing Bigfoot Blog has been tracking bonafide Sasquatch sightings for years. There have been recorded incidents of Bigfoots marauding in Switzerland and the rest of Europe for some time.

While Belgians are strongly suspected, this cannot be confirmed:

Switzerland in Shock as Bigfoot Bothers Basel!

Bigfoot Horror in Holland! Belgians Blamed!

Paris Panics as BigFoot Trashes Train Station!

Berlin BigFoot Sightings! Brings Backpfeifengesicht to Terrified Locals!

BigFoot Scare at Little Mermaid Statue!

Bigfoot Sighting in Germany! Hamburg Hectic from Ape Man Attacks!

Spanish Sasquatch Sighting!

Bilbao BigFoot Attacked by Giant Martian Spider!

Bilbao BigFoot Binges on Modern Art at Guggenheim Museum!

BigFoot in Bilbao?!

Prague People Panic as BigFoot Sighted in City!

In the interests of geopolitical realities, we will not share the extensive news stories regarding Sasquatch sightings in the United Kingdom, as it is no longer part of Europe.