Saturday, March 13, 2021

BIGFOOT ATTACK in EAST BAY HILLS! COYOTE TAKES THE RAP?

 "The Creature Came From Behind And Pounced!" Terrorized Hikers Escape Nasty Bigfoot Sighting near Lafayette California! Crazed Coyote a 'Quatch Casualty? 

A semi-innocent band of hikers looking for the rare Fritillaria pluriflora wildflower in the foothills surrounding bucolic Lafayette were astounded to encounter a roaming Sasquatch during their botanical expedition. In an astounding coincidence, a demented coyote has also been spotted in the same area, biting multiple people and acting in a frenzied manner not commonly seen in these animals. 

Super Scary Sasquatch Spotted in Serene Setting!

It is rumored, but not confirmed, that the infamous Director of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, Dr. Karl Blinng, was spotted in the area. All of the suspects - the Sasquatch, the Coyote, and the Doctor - are suspected of harboring Rabies. Who was patient zero?

Divot Looney, a newly elected* Bored of Director to the institute, gave an impromptu press conference at the Yuba City facility to factually deny this coincidence.  "Look" said Divot, "Take your sassy Sasquatch, your crazed coyote, your mad and demented Director.... with only of them foaming at the mouth. Just because Blinng is foaming at the mouth doesn't mean he is rabid.... oh wait..."

Bigfoot, Coyote, Demented Doctor, Rabies. Lysol won't help.

The Institute is closed as a public health hazard temporarily. All the Bored of Directors have been  placed into a two week quarantine at a pandemically closed dive diner in the Yuba City metropolitan area. The shuttered diner, famous for cold coffee and burnt toast, will serve the inmates free flat diet cokes and runny freeze-dried scrambled eggs, courtesy of the State Health Department. Rumors abound that the Governor may join them for a five-star dinner, however. Wearing masks is optional!

Ricard Scheister, a Bored of Director member and quasi-legal advisor, opined on the alleged potential connection between the mysterious bite attacks and a rabid Dr. Blinng. "Balderdash! Blinng has an alibi! Will the alibi lay down, yawn, and scratch itself in court - - but stand up? Not bloody likely!"

The Coyote? The cunning creature is still roaming the foothills, prowling the area looking for fresh ankles to bite. Bourbon Street Wild Life experts suspect the poor animal was subjected to a furry crypto-terror most horrible in sight and disgusting in smell. The experience drove the animal mad. It was too much to take, even for a mangy coyote.  

*Erk Holohead confirms that since Divot's second check to the Institute for membership didn't bounce, the final vote was 4-0 to admit him... to the Bored of Directors that is. "Hey, money talks. Government funded crypto research funds diverted invested to boost the morale of the Institute employees are always welcome. Essentially, Dr. Blinng's wine cellar at the Institute is running low on Sparkling Wine and Extra Spicy Fritos.... he needs replenishment. All for the good of Science and Cryptozoological Research." 

Monday, December 28, 2020

Lassen is Lousy with Bigfoots!

 Multiple Mt. Lassen Bigfoot Sightings! Backcountry Areas Closed! Bears are boggled. 

More mysterious sightings of rummaging Ape Men have been made in the Mt. Lassen Volcanic National Park area. As a precaution, the Park Service is doubling day-visitor fares to take advantage of the surge in cryptozoologist visitors, and has stopped all pizza delivery in the backcountry regions. 

Sasquatch caught crossing a previously unspoiled steam at the National Park. The terrorized trout scattered in a fishy frenzy, as they can smell many things underwater. Bigfoot wrecked a good day of fly-fishing for fanatical fisherman.
A picturesque waterfall plus tourists plus a not-nice Sasquatch spells trouble. This idyll scene was soon emptied of all humans and squirrels, who fled in a panic at the sight of the dangerous beast and his foul unwashed odors. 
Local residents are alarmed at this recent sighting of large hairy ape-beasts. There is some controversy.  "I knew this was going to happen sooner or later!", said one grizzled local. "Why there's even naïve folks encouraging these big monkeys to come and visit the park! They even have a fancy Bigfoot crossing sign set up. I mean, you might as well just give these Sasquatches the keys to the Park and say 'here you are, come and take it'!"

Dr. Blinng, Chairman and President-for-Life of the world famous YETI NOT SETI Institute in scenic Yuba City, California, granted a short press interview on this topic to a local middle school ace news reporter. Blinng thinks these remarkable Mt. Lassen reports are genuine. "I'm sure this really happened. In fact I'm POSITIVE it really happened. I have my sources, I pay them well... ice cold beer works best."

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Wagontire Oregon Hit With BIGFOOT ATTACK!

Wagontire Oregon reeling from Second Sasquatch Sighting in 40 Years! Population Drops 33%!

The buzzing metropolis of Wagontire Oregon is suffering from the depopulating impact of a second bigfoot sighting in the city in less than 40 years. "Yes Sir", exclaimed the City Mayor, "That nasty apeman really put a hammer on our community. We've dropped 33% in loco, er, local residents overnight- from three to two! Crud, we can't take much more of this crazed cunning creature!"

The apparently very lost Sasquatch beastie caught approaching the city of Wagontire in search of stale root beer. 

Efforts by the monster to find rancid root beer were unsuccessful, but it did manage to find some overlooked Mr. Pibb bottles and fossilized BigHunk candy bars sitting on a unused gas pump since 1980. After securing this bodacious booty, the blaring beast beat a trail back to the mountains from whence it came. 

Frightened Wagontire residents hastily closed the main commercial center of the city upon the incredible approach of the nasty man-ape hairy animal thingy. 

A local old-timer recalled the last time such a smelly savage was encountered at Wagontire, "Yep, it sure was a long time ago! 1980s I reckon? Not 1880s, my memory ain't so good anymore", he said scratching his head. "I remember a couple hairy tenderfoot numskulls stupid enough to ride bicycles through here back then... they sure as heck looked like them there sasquatches. They waz Calyfornians... and smelled to high heaven too, whooweee! They came riding into town looking for trouble and root beer, just like that there recent attack. But we showed them furry nasties who's boss. Yes Sir. We closed up the city good and tight, and took the air out them there fancy frenchie bicycle machines.... for them it was 'FLAT-TIRE Oryygon... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"


Monday, July 6, 2020

College Graduation Photo-Bombed by Bigfoot!

Family Kodak Moment turns to Mush as Marauding Sasquatch Photo-Bombs San Diego!

In what can only be called a conspiracy, a well-planned graduation photo carefully prepared by the Blinng family was utterly ruined when a blustering Bigfoot barged into the frame, destroying in a split-second over 60 minutes of meticulously arranged posing, tassels, hair, and teeth.
Cryptozoology?! Is that a Major?!
It is reported that Dr. Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, missed the entire Bigfoot sighting yet again, having turned his back for a split-second to take his daily snuff. Subsequently frantic searches for any stray Sasquatch DNA came up negative.

As for the recent graduate, she has returned her BS Degree in Marine Biology to the University. "This is bogus!", she exclaimed. "After all these years of studying smelly fishy fishes and mucus loving Mollusca Aplacophora, I realize now where my true career lies - Cryptozoology!", she said excitedly. "Yes, that is where the real action is! No more research into Thiomargarita Namibiensis, oh no! It's Mermaids, The Loch Ness Monster, and Aquatic Space Alien Civilizations for me! Oh yes, and Gigantopithicus Revoltus - Bigfoot!", she said proudly, "I'll tell daddy he has to pay for 4 more years of college. He'll be very happy to learn of my new plans!"

At that point, Dr. Blinng complained of a sharp pain in his chest, swooned, and passed-out clutching his wallet. Recent reports indicate he is recovering nicely at the Institute's Yuba City facility, under observation.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Bigfoot Spotted in the People's Republic of Bezerkley!

Skulking Socially Distant Sasquatch Skirts Serious Stay-at-Home Order in Berkeley! City Police and Health Department Officials in Frantic Search for the Hairy Beast!

A masked lumbering Sasquatch has been spotted in Berkeley California, sparking alarm from health officials dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic and lock-down enforcement. Speculation is rampant as to the motives and health of the beast. The Bigfoot is apparently following proper social distancing rules, wearing a mask when roaming the area while stealing fried foods and terrifying shocked squirrels and stupefied pigeons. Why would a Bigfoot show it's furry face (sort of) in the city now?
Masked and Socially Distant Sasquatch spotted by remote home camera in Berkeley.  

Ricard Scheister, Legal Counsel and 24-hour Bail Bondsman for the YETI-NOT-SETI Institute, has a theory on why the shaggy beast is prowling the city. "It's simple, really, even a Blinng or a Holohead can figure this one out. The University of California at Bezerkley is closed because of this nasty virus pandemic thingy. That means all dorm residents were kicked out, along with all the illegal pets they snuck into their dorms, including rattlesnakes, sharks, and unicorns. This poor excuse of an animal is a dormitory pet that escaped! The beast blends in with campus undergraduates and Telegraph Avenue minions. No one would notice until closer inspection revealed an oddly massive amount of body hair, no clothes, and regrettable personal hygiene habits. This sensible Sasquatch may have fled the dorms to escape notoriously bad dorm food and went commando months ago. We just don't know. We never do! As a shady lawyer, ah, as a lawyer who loves shade, I'm perfectly willing to consult on this vital matter.... I charge by the minute, major credit cards accepted."

Epidemiologists and Serious Space Alien researchers have been speculating for months now regarding a potential Wuhan China link between Yetis, Sasquatches, and ferociously feral hamsters. The Berkeley health department recommends everyone wear your masks and avoid hairy Sasquatches at all times. 


Monday, June 15, 2020

YETI Not SETI Institute photographs of Board of Director Members Revealed

Meet The Institute Directors!

The world famous YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE located in exotic Yuba City, California is proud to release photos of our Board of Directors. 


See their Mug Shots, ah, Publicity Photos, at:

Sunday, December 29, 2019

BIG EASY FEELING QUEASY AFTER BIGFOOT SIGHTING!

New Orleans Don't Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler After Amazing Bigfoot Spotting!

While Crescent City Hall denizens, Swampy Land Tourism Board members, and sober Bourbon Street saloon owners are attempting a cover-up, our incredible Blog has uncovered the truth! Using skillful journalistic sleuthing skills and a few well placed bribes here and there - - we've learned the awful facts. A Sasquatch invaded New Orleans!

Both locals and tourists were astounded by the sight of a Bigfoot sauntering down Bourbon Street.
"Who Dat? What Dat?!", said Raimond Faucheaux, a shocked bartender at the Chouteau Jazz House, "I've seen 'em all over de years... dis town is full of crazy people. But I ain't never seen nutin' like dat  furry beast! He smelled really bad, too!"
No, gator doesn't taste like chicken. It tastes like Gator. That didn't stop Sasquatch from gobbling gator bits stolen from gastronomically challenged guests at this fine eatery. 
The arrival of the hairy Sasquatch, along with his personal hygiene habits, caused enough commotion and consternation amongst the very inebriated tourists lurking around the area that the department of health actually SHUT DOWN BOURBON STREET for 15 minutes at 5 AM, taking care to clean the normally rancid street with extra enthusiasm, in order to remove all traces of Bigfoot bodily functions. Not missing a great marketing opportunity when they smell it, several local establishments created competing versions of a "Bigfoot Cocktail" - - both new drink creations apparently having over 20 shots of different liquors blended in some fiendishly diabolical manner. Hospitals are standing by.
Curious Bigfoot perplexed by inanimate Big Mardi Gras Ape... Bingly Beads also confused the bedazzled beast. 
Dr. Blinng, Commander-in-Chief of the world famous YETI NOT SETI Institute in sober Yuba City, California, was miffed. "I'm miffed! I finally get invited to a serious Sasquatch Conference here in New Orleans to make a presentation in a nice local bar... my paper reveals the amazing facts concerning our years of novel research into the primeval connections between Bigfoots, spoiled Parmesan Cheese, and Ancient Alien Astronauts. OK, yeah I had to pay for the hotel and airfare, but I got breakfast for free and and a free Hurricane during the social hour! It was only after drinking that amazing concoction that all heck broke loose out on Bourbon Street. All that yelling! I jumped up from my bar stool to see what all the shouting was about and blacked out... it must have been the jet lag. Once I recovered, it was 3 in the afternoon and all that valuable Bigfoot feces and DNA evidence had been washed down the sewers, gone forever. Mon Dieu, I was soooooo close this time! Oh well. Bartender, another Hurricane please!"

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Irritating Icelandic Panic as Sasquatch Sighted on Ísland!

Bigfoot Spotted By Waterfall Sodden Tourists! Iceland Erupts!

The sudden and unwelcome appearance of an Sasquatch in Iceland has shaken the volcanic island to its core, causing concern amongst the tourist classes. "Ya sure", said a somber Danish tourist, "We waz looking at yet another barren volcanic hill and another waterfall, when along come this mad hairy creature, out of nowhere! It stank to heaven, and proceeded to raid our delicious sardine-boxed lunch kits, the brute. It ran off stinking of fish and God knows what else!"
Sasquatch in Iceland! Sasquatch skoðað á Íslandi!
"This is worse than the Eyjafjallajokull volcano eruption, except I can pronounce 'Sasquatch', said a local Íslendingur, "We thought Bigfoot was a hoax, but no more! Ég er mjög undrandi yfir því að svona loðið dýrið myndi ráðast inn á Ísland."
Is History Repeating Itself?
The Bigfoot was spotted again later in the week, at the site of a 1973 plane crash. The crashed C-117 has been kept in a state of pristine near-arctic collapse, as the old wreckage helps to alleviate the rather predictable volcanic surroundings. 
Bigfoot Coverup? You Decide!
Dr. Blinng, Chairman-For-Life of the YETI-NOT-SETI Institute of Cryptozoological Studies, has an amazing theory about the 1973 crash. "It was a cover-up! Pure and simple! I like simple! The CIA was ferrying a Sasquatch to Iceland for the Cold War, as it was rumored the Soviets had trained a Yeti squadron for Arctic assignments. But something went wrong. Something went VERY wrong, and the doomed plane crashed. The CIA hastily abandoned the project. The KGB gave up on using Yetis soon after, with rumors abounding of an abominable environmental catastrophe at the Arkticheskiy Institut Islands (Острова Арктического института). Both savage species are untrainable and cannot be house-trained! It was a recipe for disaster."

The local Icelanders, ever so Nordic and phlegmatic, assume the hairy beast is a lost real estate agent from North America, looking for a house-flipping success after unsuccessfully trying to buy Greenland.

Friday, April 19, 2019

Hairy Mt. Diablo Demon Terrorizes Local Mobster Mary Juana Farmers!

Bay Area Weed Botanists Astounded by Aggressive Bigfoot Sighting!

Mt. Diablo hikers on a precious week-end plant gathering exhibition were attacked by a savage Sasquatch this week. This intrepid blog has obtained precious photos of the actual Bigfoot for only $3000 in cash, small unmarked bills as agreed.
Bonafide Bigfoot Attacks Medicinal Botanicals Professional!
 The nature lovers were shell-shocked. Stoned, as it were. "Wadda do you want, punk?", said one of the Mt. Diablo state park nature loving adventurers, "We was strictly minding our own business, see? Yeass, looking for our special crop, er, rare weed specimens for our botanical weed collection, see? Yeah, that's the ticket. Botanical weed collection. So this big hairy ape comes up to us and attacks us, see? I wudda plugged him good right then and 'dere, but that stupid Dr. Blinng was with us. He says 'No don't shoot it! It's an endangered crypotospecies!'...so that no-good ape goes and steals our stash, I mean, he took our precious botanical samples wit 'em. I don't like it, see? The deal went bad. Dat Blinng is gonna swim with the fishies if he don't smartin' up, see?"
Mt. Diablo Demon. Authentic Crypto-photograph.
Dr. Blinng, Director for Life of the YETI Not SETI Institute, is in hiding and cannot be reached. His voicemail says "I'm out. Leave your message at the sound of the tone. I'll reply once the heat is off. Hey, if this call is from Frank "The Enforcer", Hi Frank! I got the money! Just give me a few days, I'm beggin' youse..."

No precious Sasquatch bodily fluids were obtained during this incident, surprisingly.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Past Panamá Bigfoot Sightings Revealed!

Panamá Bigfoot Sightings Revealed by the YETI not SETI Institute.


Panamá Bigfoot Pandemonium - An Unnatural History:

Bigfoot Sightings in the Republic of Panamá.

All The POOP on Panama and Bigfoot!