¡No otra vez! Asqueroso Bigfoot Sighting in Cartagena Colombia!

Mystery Ape-Man Mingles with Mortified Touristas in Old Town Cartagena!

Confounding local police and customs officials, a yanqui bigfoot was discovered tagging along with a tour group in the old town section of Cartagena. The cursed tour originated from the cruise ship "Catastrophe of the Seas". Colombian officials say the simian was a stowaway on the ship and managed to return to the same vessel after the 5 hour excursion... "A walking tour of old town Cartagena in high heat and humidity, Bataan Death March Style! Refreshments Served."

The tour group completely ignored the Bigfoot, mesmerized as they were by the lovely Getsemani area, the amazing heat and humidity levels, and the variety of Pablo Escobar t-shirts on sale everywhere.  

An observant local lounging around at the Plaza Aduana spotted the Sasquatch in the afternoon. "I could not believe my eyes! I ask them, I ask my eyes, I ask them 'my eyes, what are you seeing here?' I first I thought it was that nasty dictator in Venezuela, Manure or Maduro, I can't really remember his name. But then I see this beast in the plaza was not exactly human, you understand? It was a caveman gone wrong!"

This Sasquatch infestación is not the first time these rabid beasts have been spotted in Colombia. An infamous sighting occurred in 2013 in the beautiful city of Bogotá. The monkey-man animal panicked local business types and caused a mini-recession in the downtown sector for months. Fortunately, no Bigfoots were spotted again until this recent shock from Cartagena. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, expressed dismay. "I am dismayed! Poor Colombia gets hit again by a hairy hominid animal with questionable personal hygiene habits. Coincidently I was in Bogotá in 2013 and Cartagena in 2024 when both great cities were subjected to this Sasquatch business. In fact, I was also on the "Catastrophe of the Seas". This is purely an amazingly improbable coincidence, you understand."

Colombia BigFoot Sighting!

Bigfoot Boogie in Bogota?

Beautiful Bogotá Colombia has been badly bothered by a savage series of horrible high-altitude Bigfoot sightings. While no one has been physically hurt, complaints of nausea and migraine headaches have flooded local bars and hospitals in neighborhoods where a rare, slinking Sasquatch has been discovered.

Brazen Bogota Bigfoot sightings have
provoked massive disgust in the city.

"¡Qué mono feo! Just seeing that lice ridden beast from across Calle 100 during rush hour was enough to make me sick.", said a local commuter, now under closely monitored canelazo drinks sedation in a local cantina.

"We Rolos are rather realistic, but today Rolos are revolted, ruined, and reeling from this wretched event.", said local crypto-anthropogicial history expert Dr. Julioo Juminez Juvier Jablonwski, senior fellow at the Corporación Universal de Investigación y Tecnología de Cosas Tontas (CORUNIVITECCT) in Bogota.

Bizarre Bogota Bigfoot caught on camera,
searching for day-old deep-fried street vendor food.

"This rare Colombian Sasquatch displayed typical behaviors seen in specimens of gigantopithicus revoltus sighted across the world", explained Dr. Julioo, "the ape-man exhibited superb hunter gatherer skills - it  stalked old deep-fried street foods, especially empanadas rancios, and was involved in several hostile confrontations with tiny yappy dogs. The apeman animal apparently does not understand basic personal hygiene habits. This is normal Sasquatch behavior in the wild."

The Bogota police's elite SWAT (Sasquatch Where Art Thou?) team is conducting a systematic search in this city of over 10 million certified homo sapiens for the elusive Sasquatch.

Erk Holohed, a North American (gringo mentecato) businessman visiting Bogota during the Sasquatch scare was an eye-witness to the nasty beast prowling Calle 100 and shared his simian street ordeal... "That bigfoot apeman was an olfactory disaster, let me tell you. Luckily I was upwind. People downwind on the street weren't so lucky, poor devils. If that hairy menace had invaded Andrés Carne de Res, every floor in the restaurante would have to be renamed infierno!"

Panama Jungle Bigfoot Spotted in Darién Gap!

Sasquatch Experts Buzzing - - Photo Reveals Jungle Bigfoot in Natural Habitat.

The Instituto Smythsonian de Investigaciones Ridículo Tropicales (STRRI) in Panama has released a stunning photo clearly showing an ape-like creature resembling Gigantopithecus Revoltus deep inside the Darién Province near the Colombian border.

"We caught the beast on camera using a slow-motion detector currently being used for a detailed study of the social habits of the rare Speckled Slimey Plantain Slug, Mocos Disgustus. Like I said, the camera is verrry sloooow motion,  the scientists involved were getting bored to tears. This Monkey-man sighting is a heck of a lot more exciting! Strange, but the slugs seemed to suffer greatly in their olfactory glands during the Sasquatch appearance, gaseous emissions from the animal may have been a factor.", said Jose Raman Boris Acibeeno, research director for the Institute.

The Darién Gap is a mysterious, remote, unknown, wild and vast region of mountains, swampland, rainforest and lost remote controls separating Panama from Colombia. Perfecto for a family vacation! "Finding a Bigfoot in this forbidding region is not surprising. We suspect there could be ferocious gerbils, dangerous dinosaurs, ancient alien artifacts, and savage exiled hedge-fund managers lurking in there. There was an alleged Sasquatch sighting in Darien in 1920, by a direct ancestor of that loco quack Dr. Blinng... intelligence does not seem to run too deep in that particular family tree, sabes?"