CNN Humiliated After Missing Sasquatch Scoop of the Century!

Bigfoot Sighting at CNN World Headquarters Completely Missed by Elite News Team - - "Heads will Roll!"


The mangy fur is flying inside the CNN newsroom this week after an intrepid reporter for a local high school paper made an amazing Sasquatch sighting inside CNN's world headquarters, badly embarrassing the gaggle of professional multi-million CNN dollar news anchors equipped with cutting edge laser whitened dental implants and state-of-the-art polymer hairdos.

SCOOPED: Bigfoot spotted inside CNN World Headquarters by High School paper reporter.

The baffled Bigfoot was spotted roaming inside the giant CNN lobby, amazed at the big amazing CNN globe and the bigger more amazing CNN souvenir shop. "He looked really dumb & dazed", said an eye-witness, "like he'd never seen a CNN coffee mug with Anderson Cooper's face on it with before! I bet he wuz looking for FOX News and got seriously lost."

POOPED: Piers Morgan's ratings slip yet again with Bigfoot mishap, missing chance for exclusive Sasquatch guest interview.

Having seen enough of Anderson Cooper t-shirts, the shaken Bigfoot fled the CNN building, leaving behind a crowd of stunned CNN tourists and has-been celebrity interviewees. "I thought he was a guest star on the Animal Planet Channel.", said a retiree from Florida, "He sure seemed horribly casual about his personal hygiene!"*

Sasquatch leaving CNN World Headquarters in a huff, miffed he was not given an guest appearance on Larry King.

A shake-up in CNN's news anchor line-up is rumored after the Bigfoot bombshell. "This sorry Sasqautch gap in our news reporting is completely unacceptable." said Suzan Grunt, senior news director, "Look at FOX and MSNBC! They cover hairy apemen all the time... we must up our Bigfoot reporting game!"  


*Sasquatch, not Cooper Anderson.

Sasquatch likes Soda at Soft Drink Museum!

"It's The Real THING!" - - - 
Terrified sugar-high Coke ® tourists scream at Coca Cola ® Bigfoot in Atlanta!

Was the founder of Coca Cola ® a Bigfoot? Clues abound!

Bigfoot and suspected Sasquatch John Pemberton, Founder of Coca Cola ®.

A nastily surprised tourist from Nashville caught this amazing photo of a Bigfoot posing with the founder of Coca Cola ®, "I was looking foward to the Coca Cola Museum ® tour, when this gawd-awful smelly monkeyman jumped right into my shot.... he melted my lense! All I could do then was just drink tons of Coca Cola Classic ® and watch Coke ® commercials in Bulgarian."

Was John Pemberton a Bigfoot!? You decide.
"Based upon this incredible photo, and the fact that Pemberton was lunatic enough to include cocaine extracts with enough refined sugar to coat the Empire State Building ® in his original formula, I come to the startling conclusion that Mr. Pemberton was a demented Bigfoot. I strongly advise anyone drinking this so-called Coca Cola ® to switch immediately to BigFoot Ale ®." said Erk Holohead, 3rd-rate celebrity quasi-Bigfoot expert.

Bigfoot in Atlanta. Coca Cola Museum attacked!

"Look", said Briian Leerky, Ph.D., famous Sasquatchologist at Rice University ® in Houston ®, "In the back of my mind, what I was hoping to find, was the real THING. Nasty THINGS like Bigfoots go better with Coke! An age-old mystery has been solved. I'm sorry for Pepsi ® and Doctor Pepper ®, but that's the way the soda can crumples. I can't wait to write my next pseudo-scientific paper, this gig will keep me rolling in brainless government grants for another year."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Ponzi-Scheme award winner and Director of the YETI not SETI Institute of Sasquatchology,  was green with envy. "I can't stand it! I lived in Atlanta Georgia evading a court summons in Yuba City ® ... er, wait.... uh yeah, I has deep into my Sasquatch academic studies at some small university or another, and NEVER ONCE saw a Bigfoot. And now these stupid Ape-men start showing up! I will pay $3,000 for that statue of John Pemberton! How you get it to me is your business. It will go nicely with my $3,000 ancient 'King Tut is really a Bigfoot' antiquities statue I bought cheap from some dopes at a flea market last year .... the fools!"