Bigfoot Human Hybrid Discovered in Texas!

Shocking Sasquatch Liason Produces Butt-Ugly Bigfoot Hybrid in Texas. 

Sasquatch Sights amazes the world with another earth-shaking Bigfoot discovery.... Sasquatches carry human DNA and cross-breed with humans.

"OK, I admit this is a distrubing and disgusting thought, but hey, our some of our more randy ancestors apparently 'did it' with knuckle dragging Neanderthals thousands of years ago, so why not with hairy and smelly gigantopithicus revoltus too? Of course, none of my ancestors would have been so stupid enough to mix genes with either of these hominid species. I suspect the confused humans which cross-bred with Sasquatches are what we really self-important anthropologists classify as homo sapiens idiotae.", sniffed Briann Lerkee, renown Bigfoot researcher with a Ph.D. ("My degree came beautifully framed, in the mail.") in Sasquatchology at the prestigous Rice-Arrony University in Texas.

Bigfoot-Human Hybrid Spotted in Texas:

Astonishing the world, Dr. Lerkee revealed an amazing photograph taken by Jon Smorris, semi-professional nature photographer and big-game hunter ("I shoot 'em, then I shoot 'em."), when Smorris was lost deep in wild piney forests near Lufkin, Texas. "Man was I scared!" exclaimed Smorris, "That forsaken creature lurched at me from behind a big rock, making goofy wild gestures it wanted junk food, and wanted it now. I threw the beast a granola bar, but he took a one bite, scowled, spit it out, and got even more upset. I was desperate to escape, so I threw the ape-man the only slim-jim I had.... he liked that alot and ran off into the woods. I was so shaken all I could do was take this one photograph. I'm never going back there again! Uh, unless you pay me, of course".

God and Nature Disapprove: Rare Sasquatch-Human
Hybrid seen roaming the backwoods of East Texas.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the prestigious YETI not SETI Institute in hyperactive Yuba City, California, was ecstatic. "This is the proof  I needed! I am convinced some of my classmates in high school had something ape-like about them, it all makes sense now. They were part Bigfoot. Why, oh why, did I not take DNA samples from those dumb brutes when I had the chance! Curses!"

Sasquatch likes Soda at Soft Drink Museum!

"It's The Real THING!" - - - 
Terrified sugar-high Coke ® tourists scream at Coca Cola ® Bigfoot in Atlanta!

Was the founder of Coca Cola ® a Bigfoot? Clues abound!

Bigfoot and suspected Sasquatch John Pemberton, Founder of Coca Cola ®.

A nastily surprised tourist from Nashville caught this amazing photo of a Bigfoot posing with the founder of Coca Cola ®, "I was looking foward to the Coca Cola Museum ® tour, when this gawd-awful smelly monkeyman jumped right into my shot.... he melted my lense! All I could do then was just drink tons of Coca Cola Classic ® and watch Coke ® commercials in Bulgarian."

Was John Pemberton a Bigfoot!? You decide.
"Based upon this incredible photo, and the fact that Pemberton was lunatic enough to include cocaine extracts with enough refined sugar to coat the Empire State Building ® in his original formula, I come to the startling conclusion that Mr. Pemberton was a demented Bigfoot. I strongly advise anyone drinking this so-called Coca Cola ® to switch immediately to BigFoot Ale ®." said Erk Holohead, 3rd-rate celebrity quasi-Bigfoot expert.

Bigfoot in Atlanta. Coca Cola Museum attacked!

"Look", said Briian Leerky, Ph.D., famous Sasquatchologist at Rice University ® in Houston ®, "In the back of my mind, what I was hoping to find, was the real THING. Nasty THINGS like Bigfoots go better with Coke! An age-old mystery has been solved. I'm sorry for Pepsi ® and Doctor Pepper ®, but that's the way the soda can crumples. I can't wait to write my next pseudo-scientific paper, this gig will keep me rolling in brainless government grants for another year."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Ponzi-Scheme award winner and Director of the YETI not SETI Institute of Sasquatchology,  was green with envy. "I can't stand it! I lived in Atlanta Georgia evading a court summons in Yuba City ® ... er, wait.... uh yeah, I has deep into my Sasquatch academic studies at some small university or another, and NEVER ONCE saw a Bigfoot. And now these stupid Ape-men start showing up! I will pay $3,000 for that statue of John Pemberton! How you get it to me is your business. It will go nicely with my $3,000 ancient 'King Tut is really a Bigfoot' antiquities statue I bought cheap from some dopes at a flea market last year .... the fools!"

BigFoot Causes Panic in Tropical Paradise!

Isla Taboga Terrified as Rogue Sasquatch Sighted - -  "It came from the sea!"

Erk Holohead, a panicked Taboga tourist, caught this amazing photo of a wild Bigfoot emerging from the Pacific Ocean during high-tide. "I was sitting on a beach veranda with 99.9% of my brain cells shut down (normally I have only 99.8% on extended leave), enjoying the ocean breeze... the beautiful view... a case of Panama Beer... but then I spotted a trail of bubbles belching up from the ocean surface and heading towards shore, then suddenly thousands of crazy fish leaped straight into the air trying to escape something very nasty under the waves. I thought it was a killer shark or North Korean submarine, but then this ugly, rancid monkey beast emerged from the surf, wiping seaweed, clam shells and old Panama Beer bottle caps off its fur! The ape-man scaled the beach wall, jumped over some sleeping dogs and ran away. Luckily my Panama beer supplies helped cushion the shock. I'm going to have to stay here another month to recover from this."

A longtime Taboga island resident was shocked to see this "Sea Sasquatch" strolling Restinga Beach during low tide. "It was just another pacífico y tranquilo day on the island. I was at the beach looking for Pizzaro's buried Inca treasure and North Korean submarine defectors, then this bestia simios walks right past me... it was torture, the fragrancia horrible of this filthy beast almost killed me!"

This amazing Bigfoot sighting has resulted in a huge spike in extended hotel bookings from Sasquatch Anthropologists across the world in Taboga Island and Panama City. Local Taboga shop owners say the invasion of Bigfoot hunters is bad for business. "These scientists are cheap spenders and throw goofy 'missing-link' parties.", said the town mayor.

"At last I can pretend to do field work on a nice tropical island with room service, chilled adult beverages, and veg-out using my federal grant bailout money under the cover of academic research. I'm gonna 'work' here for months, it'll be a great vacation!" said Briian Lerkey, Ph.D. an expert in Pseudo-Sasquatchology from Rice University in Texas. "Ah, you won't print that, right?".

"Blago" BigFoot Returns!

Hairy Beast Mauls Michigan Avenue  in Chicago

- - Blagosnivich celebrity idiot appearance gone wrong?

Bigfoot Sighted in Chicago.

Chicago is in turmoil, uh, more turmoil than normal, as citizens recover from the shock of seeing a prehistoric Sasquatch roam down Michigan Avenue. Debate is raging, is the creature real or Rod Blagosnivich in a monkey suit? "I saw the Sasquatch", said a local resident, "It looks kinda like Blago, I mean the ape-man's hair was impressively coiffed and massive just like the ex-governor's, and except for all those lice and fleas jumping off his back, he looks just like Blagoo".

Chicago police are not talking. "Hey, we're not talking -- OK with youse morons?" Rumors are rampant that last year's offer to pay off the smelly Sasquatch with a Senate seat didn't work and the obnoxious beast has returned for another pay-off.

Briian Leerky, famous Rice University Sasquatch hunter, said "I bet you a six-pack of Lone Star Beer that the animal that rampaged through Chicago was a real Bigfoot! That Blago character may be a celebrity idiot, but Sasquatches are just plain idiots... they have the IQ of a tree stump. Blago has the IQ of a log... there is a difference!".

Yeti Monster Spotted on Sacramento River!

YETI in America?!

In a bizarre sighting which is puzzling Yeti and BigFoot quasi-experts all over the world, even at Rice University, an incredible photo has been acquired by Dr. Blinng, showing that the Himalayan Yeti is in the USA and roaming the primaeval forests of North America.

The clueless fishing guide who snapped the strange photo overcame shock & awe to take the picture. "I took some well-heeled foreign clients on a deep sea tuna fishing expedition into the upper reaches of the Sacramento River, near Redding.", he mumbled, "I kind of took a wrong turn, but it was worth it, since those business guys paid cash up front. When I spotted that Yeti-man on the far bank of the river it was bonus time! The Ape-man looked like he was trying to scare a big rock. He kept yelling "Boooo!" at it. Maybe he was practicing scaring people or gerbils? Or he's just really, really stupid?"

Blinng was his usual chuffed, self-congratulatory self, "My brilliance is proven yet again. I paid that brave tuna fisherman $3,000 U.S. for that photo! No Euros this time! This picture proves my revolutionary theory that Bigfoots and Yeti's are not only similarly rude and disgusting hominids, but in fact may even be the same species, just like my Mother-in-Law! Just joking? ...honest, heh heh. Maybe NOW I'll finally be invited onto the Discovery Channel or Monster Quest, the fools!"

BigFoot CAUGHT ON CAMERA: SASQUATCH LIKES SUDS!

Elusive BigFoot Captured on Remote Candid Camera -- Beer used as BigFoot Bait!

A group of renown BigFoot hunters from Texas, California and upper Macedonia claim Sasquatch exists and likes fermented hops. Using a remote deer-hunter video camera equipped with a motion detector, the team placed an irresistible bottle of BigFoot Ale in the camera's range and returned to the site a week later to retrieve the video. The location is tippy top secret. The Sasquatch results were astonishing:

Sasquatch Bait: Big Foot Ale Sasquatch Trap: The BigFoot hunter team placed this bottle of Sierra Nevada BigFoot Ale in a location likely to attract wandering Bigfoots. "We spent long hours in carefully selected bars to determine which beer to use. It took hard work, dedication, dart games and a lot of scientific sampling to figure out which brew was the best Sasquatch bait.", said Texas BigFoot hunter Briian Leerky, famous Rice University expert on Sasquatchology.

BigFoot caught on Camera with Big Foot Ale Bait CAUGHT ON FILM! A random wandering Sasquatch became attracted to the bait - - he peered into the remote control video camera... and sniffed the camera housing before biting it.

Drunk BigFoot after drinking 9.5% Big Foot AleLightweight Sasquatch: Bombed Bigfoot waves woozily to the camera after downing the BigFoot Ale bait in one gulp and eating the bottle. "He not hav no stamina for gud Ales!" said legendary Sasquatch hunter Aleksandar Poopov, "I vud hav tout he cud handled it, no?. Vat a wus!"

Dr. Karl Blinng of the YETI not SETI Institute was eerily estatic. "Beer! That is the missing link to the missing link! I will have Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe place bottles of BigFoot Ale in key backwoods areas where BigFeets have been sighted.... I'll need around 1,500,000 to do the job. At last, we will catch one!"

Erk Holohead, a loyalish director of the YETI not SETI Institute, bravely consumed a six pack of Big-Foot Ale for 'research purposes' and will be available for comment once he emerges from his coma. 

BigFoot Blizzard of '09 Haunts Houston!

Breaking News:
Rare Sasquatch Snowstorm in Houston Brings out Bothersome BigFoots!

"They Came Out of the Raging Blizzard Like Crazy Ice Men, err... Ape Men"... Exclusive Photos!

Snow wasn't the only bizarre natural disaster to hit Houston - Sasquatches made dramatic appearances in the area, alarming local residents, birds and small furry mammals.

An amazed Richmond Texas resident took this amazingly rare photo of a Sasquatch stomping along the Brazos River after the extremely amazingly rare blizzard. "Even with the cold air, the beast stank to high heaven!".

Houston BigFoot scrounging for frozen food snack

 A lost deer hunter, cut-off after the blizzard, spotted this BigFoot intensely digging for food in the frozen wasteland after the snowstorm. "The creature was really focused, scrounging for frosty Gerbils - - they don't move so fast when half-frozen. Frosty Gerbils are a Sasquatch snack popsicle."

Houston Sasquatch makes yellow snowcones

 Another amazing photo of a BigFoot near Sugar Land looking for yellow snow to make Sasquatch snow cones.
"I gather this species isn't too bright?" said the eyewitness.

These new multiple Sasquatch sightings sparked another round of debate about BigFoots in Texas. A Rice University expert on Texan Sasquatch populations , Briian Leerky Ph.D., is convinced they are real. "BigFoot is not Bogus in Texas... and hey, I keep my tenure if these sightings keep happening, you know? This is a good gig!"