Sasquatch Bashes Baja! Cabo Crunched!

 Bigfoot Scare at Cabo San Lucas!

Mexico has been hit again by a rare but strangely persistent incursion of a nasty Bigfoot, this time afflicting the tourist city of Cabo San Lucas. "Cabo", or "Cartel" as many call it, is a well-heeled resort town situated on the very bottom tip of the dry-as-bones Baja Peninsula. How a forest loving creature like a Sasquatch made it down to Cabo is a mysteriously misty mystery. 

Visitors to a Gravel Yard, err Zen Garden, at Nobu Los Cabos were shocked to find that not only had the rocks had been moved helter-skelter, but a savage Sasquatch had done the dirty deed!

The Bigfoot caused quite a ruckus roaming the beaches and resorts in Cabo. Eye-witnesses said the beast has a propensity to grab ageing half-eaten fish tacos stuffed with jalapenos and melted cheese, overly fried yucca strips, and warm stale beer in bottles left sitting in the sun. "The beast is omnivorous.", sniffed a visiting gringa dietician, "But his healthy food choices were very bad!"

The Sasquatch was caught roaming around in an all-inclusive resort. Partial refunds were given to guests immediately after the intrusion in order to avoid cancellations and nasty social media posts by disgruntled tourists . 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI not SETI Institute in balmy and freeze-dried Yuba City, California, commented on the amazing Sasquatch sighting. "I was there you know. In Cabo. Cabo San Lucas. Yep. ¡Olé! I'd finally been invited to a serious scientific conference on the anatomical origins of hanging earlobes and the impact upon earwax in the great Apes. This area of research is a great interest of mine. Actually I registered online and they took my money... not a lot of esteemed personas like myself attend such important scientific meetings, you know. Anyway they took my registration fee and I scored a free stale beer and a fishy taco during the welcome reception, HA! But curse it all, I missed seeing the Bigfoot, not even a filament of odorous hair or curiously mysterious body fluids. Such is life, I guess. Así es la vida. Well, time for another cerveza or maybe one of those fancy drinks with the umbrellas on top!" 

Alas, Mexico has been hit with Bigfoot incidents before: 

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

Mayhem in Mexico as BigFoot Bungles USA Border Relations

BigFoot in Mexico City?

Malo BIG Bigfoot Adventure at Costa Maya Mexico!

Malo BIG Bigfoot Adventure at Costa Maya Mexico!

Sasquatch Spotted at Tourist-Trap Cruise Ship Port in Mexico - Chaos Erupts!

A rare Mexico Bigfoot sighting shocked fleecing locals and liquified cruise ship passengers during a big escape inside the heavily touristified Costa Maya Cruise Ship Port. Mexico Border Patrol officials suspect the beast came from one of the multiple cruise ships which crowd the harbor, and escaped by the same route. "¡Ay, caramba! That hairy ape was a Gringo Bigfoot all right! It snuck into stores and bars, broke touristy merchandise, drank too much touristy tequila. The animal even tried to swim with the touristy dolphins without a ticket. ¡Era una cosa muy mala, y muy maloliente!"

CCTV footage released late in the week clearly shows an unidentified 'suspect' pondering the sight of 3 cruise ships parallel parked at crowded but packed Costa Maya.   

"Every effort is being made to find and remove this unwelcome, and what's worse, unpaid passenger from whichever unlucky cruise ship it has stowed away on. The cruising industry will not tolerate Bigfoots, Stowaways, Covid, or icebergs!" exclaimed a harried spokesman for the Global Association of Unflagged Cruiseships, GAUC. 

Iguana Attack! Sasquatches consider Iguanas as delectable as Tender Chicken, unfried. 

Fueled on stolen Margaritas at a beach-side Cantina, the ferocious beast jumped into a Cage Wrestling Match ready to fight anyone or anything. With a clear sense of self-preservation all Humans quickly vacated the premises, taking their tropical adult beverages with them.
  

Attempting to keep passengers calm and blissfully unaware a stowaway Bigfoot might be on board, a "Safety Drill" was held for all unlucky ships in port. In reality the drills were massive man-hunts, er, ape-hunts on the suspect ships while docked at Costa Maya. The wily creature was not found, leading to speculation it was either well-hidden onboard one of the ships or had run away and purchased a great time-share condo deal in Cancun. 

Experts from Mexico's Crypozoological Institute, El Instituto de Criptozoología Morónica, carefully searched the entire area where the beast was spotted but came up with nothing conclusive. "We found an Iguana who looked a little stressed, but no Sasquatch footprints found." 

Erk Holohead, a bored member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in Not-Tropical Northern California, was sympathetically indifferent to the Cruise Ship Port of Costa Maya and the Cruise Ship Industry. "Costa Maya is such a charmingly synthetic tourist trap place. Built in a lightly populated region for the sole purpose of pumping dollars out of cruise ships and into the local economy. It works perfectly! That Sasquatch stowaway sighting is hopefully just a one-off incursion. I hear these cunning beasts prefer Cozumel or Cancun. As for the cruise ship industry, this is just one more cruddy challenge faced in 2022... lingering Covid Variants, mysterious CDC guidelines, paranoid port closures, and now another regrettable Bigfoot incident. Things will get better! I mean, how can they possibly get worse?"

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

Mexico City takes Hair-Raising Fright as Savage Sasquatch Roams Historic Downtown - - Centro Historico in Chaos!

Mexico City BigFoot attempts to hide among innocent Saturday
morning  shoppers and pickpockets while looking for rancid tacos de 
carnitas misterioso street stalls to steal tasty snack food morsels.

Mexico City has been victimized by a rare but devastating BigFoot Sighting, causing multiple traffic accidents, panicked shoppers and paranoid fast food street sellers.

"It was incredible! Said an eyewitness, "We were looking for a copy of Darwin's "The Origin of Suspect Species" at a specialty bookstore when that horrible Ape Beast appeared in the doorway of the shop and laughed at us. At first I thought it was some juvenile idiot in a monkey suite, but all those fleas jumping off his body told me this was not a joke!"

Bad Bigfoot nervously eluding a frantic Police Sasquatch Search just
blocks from  the historic Zócalo Main Plaza in Mexico City.

The Mexico Bigfoot caused a rash of traffic accidents and fainting spells as he wandered around the streets in the area. "That monkey-beast had a horrible aroma, like the worst kind of rotten cheese you can think of, and it really messed up Calle de Tacuba", said a part-time acid-rock accordion player, "there were rear-end car accidents everywhere, and even worse, the shoppers and tourists disappeared - - bad for business, very bad for my nose!"

A Mexico City Police spokesman issued a public announcement concerning the Sasquatch sighting salvaje:

Street Camera catches sneaky Sasquatch leaving the scene of the crime:
After causing  a seven-car accident the hominid runs away...
shocked and dumbfounded motorists had gazed in disbelief. 

"The ape man is really dumb and very dangerous. It is desperate to steal rancid tacos and loves to scare our good citizens of Mexico City. If you spot this beast please call us! I have no idea what we'll do if we catch him, to be honest." * 

"Bigfoots have been spotted in Mexico City before.", said Grisalia Rojez, Ph.D. of  Chupacabrolgy at the Instituto de Cosas Tontas para Estudiar (ICTE), "It is a total mystery why these obnoxious beasts bother us!"

* Translation for the good people of Mexico City: "El hombre mono es tonto y peligroso. Está desesperado de robar tacos rancios y le encanta asustar a los buenos ciudadanos de la Ciudad de México. Si usted ve esta bestia por favor llámenos! No tengo idea de lo que vamos a hacer si lo cogemos, para ser honesto."

BigFoot Flu Spotted in Mexico and Texas

Breaking News: BigFoot Flu Detected in Gerbils! 

Stunning the medical community, Dr. Bling, the semi-famous director of the Yeti not SETI institute, announced today that a new BigFoot Flu virus, B1F1, has infected "significant populations" of sneezing domesticated Mongolian Gerbils in Northern Mexico and Texas.

"This Sasquatch virus has the potential to become a serious pet threat. If existing Gerbil and Hamster influenzas mix it up with this BigFoot strain, combined with poor Sasquatch personal hygiene habits, all bets are off." Such a Gerbil-Hamster-BigFoot combined virus, G1H1-BFD, affected thousands of small furry mammals in a 1953 pandemic according to Bling. 

Exclusive photo released by Dr. Bling, clearly showing evidence of BigFoot DNA in Flu Virus Particles.

The Pet Shop Association of North America immediately denied the claim, noting that Pet Shop owners routinely "handle Gerbils while wearing surgeon masks, gloves and respirators, no need to panic, there is nothing to worry about".

"BigFoot flu?! Gerbil Influenza?! Never heard of 'em" said a spokesman for the CDC in Atlanta, "and just who the heck is this Dr. Bling quack anyway?!".

Mayhem in Mexico as BigFoot Bungles USA Border Relations

Sasquatch in Mexico City! "BigFoot Left A Horrible Mess !"

Mexico City health and safety officials admitted today that earlier reports of a BigFoot sighting in the city were "autentico". The under-secretary to the assistant of the vice-deputy director to the advisor for city public sanitation urged citizens "not to panic" as he was leaving the city for a "short trip" to Terra Del Fuego by car.

Bigfoot in Polanco.

The hairy Sasquatch startled witnesses by roaming the posh Polanco area of Mexico City near the El Camino Polanco Hotel. A local businessman, Rodrigo Ramon Rodrigo Rodriguez, ran right into Bigfoot, "It was late afternoon, I was walking down Mariano Escobedo Street, thinking about my imbecile business partners, when I turned the corner and came face-to-face with this really ugly, hairy, stinky Ape-Man. He was ferocius, growling and making a lot of noise. And the dogs! They were barking everywhere! The beast was fighting off a savage pack of wild snarling chihuahuas, they tried to steal the rotten sausages the Monkey-man was eating. It was an epic dumb-ape-versus-little-dog battle!"

Sasquatch roaming Mexico City.

Organizers of the World Baseball Classic in Mexico City denied that the BigFoot was a certain New York Yankees baseball player. "Don't be absurd, Johnny Damon wasn't here, he's at spring training!", said one organizer. Two Cuban baseball players 

attempted to defect during the games, but after the shock of seeing the smelly Sasquatch near their hotel they decided the free-market and lucrative MLB contracts were not worth it. "You know, they taught us in Cuban Commie Comrade School that capitalism is full of monsters, and for once they were right. We want to go home!".

City officials suspect BigFoot hid in Chapultepec Park in Mexico City, took "Sasquatch Siestas" there, and suffered from "Montezuma's Revenge", a severe gastro-intestinal condition. "How do we know he had a stomach problem? Because there was plenty of evidence, that's how we know!" said a weary park trash collector, wearing a face-mask and bio-hazard suit. "The mess was so bad we had to get a large dump truck and haul it all off as hazardous waste and incinerate everything, including the truck."

Dr. Karl Bling, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California, said "Fantastico! This is an incredible discovery of Sasquatch's amazing ability to travel outside of his species' normal pseudo-range. I will pay 3,000 pesos to anyone in Mexico City who provides Bigfoot DNA from the ample samples the creature left behind during his Mexican adventure. In fact, it is time to visit Mexico myself to further investigate this incident and conduct research. Yes, I think Puerto Vallarta will work, or perhaps Acapulco... there is a connection between Sasquatch, beach resorts, margaritas and cheap drink-umbrellas made of bamboo... I am sure BigFoot fits in somehow, I'm calling my travel agent."

And now, a public Sasquatch service for the good citizens of Mexico City:

Un anuncio público por parte del Dr. Félix Archuleta Roberto Arias, profesor de nada en particular, con el Instituto para el Estudio de Animales Mitológicos dice:

"Mira, toda esta historia de un Bigfoot es completamente falso! Es ridículo y estúpido. Creo que un gringo loco tiene un muñeco de plástico Bigfoot, tomó algunas fotos y todo el mundo en los EE.UU. se están volviendo locos! Lo que es realmente gracioso es que otros gringos piensan que esta historia es verdadera. También, creen de verdad Sasquatch es real! Este Bigfoot gringo no es nada como el Chupacabra. Tenemos mejores monstruos en Mexico!"

More Mexico Bigfoot News: 

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

BigFoot Flu Detected in Gerbils! 

BigFoot in Mexico City?

Locals Claim Sasquatch Spotted  in Mexico City!

Polanco Business District on the alert for Sasquatch Sightings.

BigFoot spotted near Luxurious El Camino Polanco Hotel.

Developing....

Bigfoot Sighting in Mexico City.

Eyewitness: "Increíble, creo que acabo de ver un BigFoot caminando por la calle, yo no lo creo! Que olía muy mal. Repugnante, de verdad."

Translation to Texan: "It is incredible, but I think I just saw a Bigfoot walking down the street, I don't believe it! The Beast smelled very bad. Disgusting odor, actually."

More Bigfoot in Mexico News...