Sasquatch Sighting at Yosemite Falls!

 Bigfoot Spotted Near Yosemite Falls! Hairy Creature the "John Muir Sasquatch"?!

A frosted fly-fishing amateur sobered up quick when he came face-to-face with a feral Bigfoot this week in deep snow at the base of Yosemite Falls - - unleashing a torrent of multiple ancient alien astronaut expert theories regarding the Sasquatch's origins and connections to John Muir and Teddy Roosevelt. 

The wretched Yosemite fly-fisherman was having bad luck that day. "I wasn't getting a bite. What with the lakes and streams frozen over, my precious flies were just bouncing around on the ice. Bad timing, I guess? Well, when I tried to console myself with a healthy swig from some of my 80-Proof Stoli Russian Anti-Freeze this bear-like ape-man ran out of the woods and snatched my bottle! I'm done with fly fishing in Yosemite! I think I'll try Death Valley out in July instead... yeah that should be some great fishing."

Deeply Mysterious Photo found in the trash bin archives of John Muir upon his death in 1914. 

Cryptozoology experts are excited about Yosemite and Bigfoot. "I'm excited!" said Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in snowy Yuba City, California. "There have been hushed rumors for years about John Muir and Teddy Roosevelt encountering a Sasquatch during their famous trip to Yosemite Valley in 1903. Amazingly I was able to find an extremely rare photograph taken by Muir of an obnoxious Sasquatch that photo-bombed Muir's million-dollar shot. I only paid $3,000 in Byte.me.Coin. I found this jewel of a photo on the internet... it was a steal!"                  

Teddy Roosevelt and John Muir standing by a suspected Sasquatch footprint in 1903.

A famous photograph of Teddy and John's Big Bigfoot Yosemite Adventure shows what looks suspiciously like a Sasquatch footprint in the background. It's there somewhere! The famous expedition was cut short after the discovery of the beast's gargantuan paw print. "Bully!", allegedly exclaimed President Roosevelt, "If I'd only brought my Elephant Gun! Flummadiddle!"

The John Muir Museum and Historic Site could not be reached for comment. The Teddy Roosevelt Museum and Historic Site did not return our phone calls. The YETI NOT SETI Institute, however, has been spamming this highly respected blog with promotional emails, texts, and pleas for donations in cash or Bo.Gus.Coin. 

Sasquatch Sighting in Yosemite Valley!

Bad Boy Bigfoot Spotted - - Looking For Trouble In Yosemite Valley!

A horrible hominid was sighted in Yosemite National Park this Easter Weekend. Rangers cleared the area of pesky tourists, but are not going to search for the wild animal. "Are you crazy?", said a Park Ranger, "Those Bigfoot beasts stink to high heaven. We're not equipped with proper air filtration equipment. It would be a safety disaster if we tried. Our hope is that the beast will grow bored of the valley floor and search for a Burger King dumpster outside of the park instead."                    

Sasquatch Simian spotted in Yosemite.

Bigfoot Bother: Actual photo taken by trembling tourist.

Dr. Blinng of the Yeti Not Seti Institute was elated. "I'm elated, not concerned. Yosemite Valley attracts all sorts of disgusting day-trippers. Plebs. Now with this new Sasquatch scare, I might finally be able to find a parking spot!"

Yosemite Valley has been hit by Bigfoot raids before:

Yosemite Yeti Disrupts Famous Landmark!

Mystery Solved: Bigfoot killed the Yosemite Sentinel Dome's Jeffrey Pine!

Sasquatch Spotted in Giant Sequoias. BigFoot Attacks Yosemite Photographer!

Yosemite has issues.

Mystery Solved: Bigfoot killed the Yosemite Sentinel Dome's Jeffrey Pine!

Famous Yosemite landmark withered by Sasquatch Pee. 

The YETI not SETI Institute unleashed a torrential stream of salty uncertainly this weekend, releasing quasi-scientific data which points to copious volumes of Bigfoot urine as the ultimate cause for the death of the famous Yosemite Sentinel Dome Jeffry Pine.

Recent Bigfoot sighting at the dead pine's resting place on Sentinel Dome.

"We have tons of pee proof", claimed Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the legally fragile YETI not SETI Institute. "I only paid $3,000 for it. This data proves only a Sasquatch could have drowned that piss-poor plant!"

Sasquatches are known to cause environmental damage from excessive urination on Earth and Mars.

Speculation exists, as confirmed on authoritative major Space Alien History cable TV shows, that Sasquatch urine was also responsible for the premature malfunction of a Mars Rover. Sasquatch sightings in Yosemite National Park are quite common. Coincidental? We think not! "It's hard to tell the difference between the Bigfoots and many tourists during the high season", said one exhausted park ranger.

Sasquatch Spotted in Giant Sequoias. BigFoot Attacks Yosemite Photographer!

BigFoot attack in Yosemite creates panic. The Yosemite Valley becomes touristic ghost-town. Ahwahnee Hotel suffers wave of cancellations as well-heeled tourists flee. 

Yosemite National Park rangers are reeling yet again from yet another nasty incident involving marauding Sasquatches and unsuspecting, naive, tourists. The Yosemite valley remains closed as park employees search park hotels, motels, tents, cars, garbage cans, and large beer coolers for signs of the beastly animal.

"This ain't your average lazy black bear breaking into cabins for old snack food", said Ranger Racine, a 20 year veteran of the park, "Heck no, these Sasquatch types are much more clever, dangerous, and odoriferous, than mere bears. They'll go for anything that smells like junk food. These feral simians will stop at nothing to get it!"

Amazing photograph of the elusive Yosemite Sasquatch,
just seconds before it attacked and robbed.

The Bigfoot assaulted a lost tourist from Martini, California, who visited the famous "Grizzly" Sequoia tree to take a few photographs, "I took about 4 shots. When I decided that was enough, I closed my whisky bottle and proceeded to take few pictures of the tree. I was real hungry after all that work, so I decided to eat a Twinkies double pack to celebrate. I barely took the first twinkie out of the wrapper when this huge hairy ape-man appeared out of the brush, ran and tackled me, and grabbed my twinkies! Luckily I was able to take a photo before the monster mowed me over. The smell from that animal was horrible, like a dead skunk, and the fleas were everywhere."

The traumatized victim is now recovering in a luxury suite in the nearly empty Ahwahnee Hotel, dining on gourmet cheeseburgers and watching animal kingdom reruns, after signing certain legal documents releasing Yosemite park officials from any potential liability associated with the hairy Sasquatch encounter.

Dr. Karl Blinng, the esteemed, deranged, director of the YETI not SETI Institute in nearby Yuba City, California, was very expressive. "THIS is BIG.", he said, spreading out his arms, "I mean, this is REALLY BIG. Oh Yeah. BIG like a SEQUOIA. No, EVEN BIGGER THAN THAT. BIG like a BLUE WHALE. On a SEQUOIA. But BIG with NO WATER, right? I mean BIG AS A SEQUOIA, Only with a BLUE WHALE on TOP to make it BIGGER. But with NO WATER, 'cause that would be DUMB. Yeah, that's how BIG this Bigfoot Spotting REALLY is! It's HUGELY B-B-B-B-BIG!" At that point, Dr. Blinng abruptly stopped the interview when he spotted suspected debt collectors in the audience. Dr. Blinng was quickly hustled back to Institute by his security team before the frustrated gang of creditors could serve any of those pesky subpoenas.

Yosemite Yeti Disrupts Famous Landmark!

Bigfoot Beast Roams near Yosemite Falls... Park Rangers Reveal Top Secret!

A bus load of Yosemite Valley tourists, elite commando Ranger Rick Patrol park rangers, and junk-food scrounging black bears were terrified and amazed when a Bigfoot was spotted stomping through thick forest near Yosemite Falls. "It was evening, and getting close to the Falls closing time", said a park ranger, "I was gettin' ready to turn off Yosemite Falls for the evening... what, you didn't know? Heck it's easy.... I just turn this spigot off right here... see? We shut 'er down from sundown to sunrise... those dumb tourists never figure it out. Suddenly this white furred ape-beast loped right past me like it was out for a jog or something... that incredible odor! I'll never forget it, I nearly choked to death. The ape-man was followed by a cloud of flies a mile long. Anyway, I had enough strength left to turn off the falls and get back to Ranger HQ to recover, where we do important stuff like drink beer and play Mario Brothers."

Yosemite Yeti spotted near Half Dome by astounded camper.

Bigfoot expert and part-time minor-celebrity trial lawyer Ricard Scheister quickly announced an amazing connection between the Yosemite Yeti and Ansel Adams. "I have it on strong authority that Ansel Adams attempted to photograph suspected Bigfoots in Yosemite Valley, but his camera lens shattered. He gave up... it was costing him a small fortune and photos of waterfalls and big rocks sell for more anyway. Er, as a lawyer I must inform you that by giving you my considered opinion in this matter, this constitutes the minimum 30 minutes of my legal time... I'll send the bill in the mail."


Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the financially creative YETI not SETI Institute, issued a press release regarding the Yosemite Yeti. "Holy Toledo! You mean they actually turn off Yosemite Falls at night? Who knew? I'll pay $3,000 for that spigot!"