Denmark Demented! Bigfoot spotted in Copenhagen! København går amok!
The normally laid-back city of Copenhagen was assaulted by a mysterious North American Bigfoot over the May Day weekend, disrupting traffic, tourism, and overall Danish citizen mellowness.
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| May Day was a fine time for local denizens to visit the Royal Park, frolic about, and drink OK beer. Unfortunately, this savage Sasquatch thought the same thing. |
A Royal Park eyewitness enjoying the spring weather claimed the beast sauntered through the park heading straight to the Rosenborg Slot Royal Palace. "That big mangy ape walked like it was the King himself! Ah, there is absolutely no resemblance whatsoever. Anyway, our King knows how to use a razor. This Sasquatch creature doesn't have a clue."
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| The errant Bigfoot, mere seconds before it entered the Rosenborg Slot Castle and did something truly and remarkably disgusting. |
The beast somehow slipped past the Castle Royal Guards on duty, and snuck through a side window. Things went badly wrong from there.
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| The Royal Loo. A precious symbol of Denmark. The Royal Castle was the victim of Bigfoot Graffiti and much, much worse. |
"We think the nasty beast had an extremely urgent call-of-nature situation. It saw the Royal Loo and proceeded to empty it's putrefactive bowels. The resulting stench was so bad we had to evacuate tourists overcome with nausea and close the Castle!", said a shaken royal guard. "We're trained to handle just about anything threatening or oidous, but this... this... this... I just can't talk about it right now!"
"This Bigfoot beast is a hairy smelly frafalden!" exclaimed a stressed curator of the Rosenborg Slot Royal Castle. "That frygteligt bæst caused hundreds of thousands of Krone in damage to royal historic artifacts and in emergency bio-hazard clean-up remediation fees. That's about $241.95 in US dollars. Tak til Gud we have thousands of tourists visit every week to this place. Those rubes will have no idea what happened here. We'll break even in a few days."
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The Sasquatch vandalized a famous painting, originally commissioned in the 1700s to warn Royal Families not to marry their first cousins. The monkey man tagged the priceless work of art with a juvenile message that says "I think this chick is HOT!". |
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| But the EU Customs warning sign mentions nothing of Bigfoots! The European Union, driven to urgent action, will create a 10 million Euro, multi-year, multi-lingual task-force to investigate messaging options to update the sign. |
Denmark is in an understated Nordic political uproar over this unpleasant Bigfoot incursion. The EU is in a bureaucratic uproar, as usual. Fingers are pointing to the USA as the culprit, as usual. "Is this some sort of blackmail attempt by the Orange Man in the United States to force Denmark to hand over Greenland?", screamed a recent editorial from a Danish Newspaper no one actually reads. The US State Department denies the charge: "We do not deny that the Sasquatch is likely from our country, but we categorically deny sending any such ape beast as an agent provocateur. They are really dumb, dense animals. We mean, really, really thick in the head. Like really really really lacking in brain-cells. Try talking to Canada!"
Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in Scandinavia-like Yuba City, California, was phlegmatic. "Excuse me a minute, I have some phlegm in my throat. Ahhh, much better now! Look, I was in Denmark during that time of the Sasquatch attacks on København. I don't think it was the fault of the Americans nor the Canadians. It was those sneaky, deceitful, devious Belgians! They'll stop at nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing!!!"
The YETI NOT SETI Institute would like to apologize to the governments of Belgium, Denmark, The United States, Canada, the Danish Royal Family and anyone else offended by any comments made or construed as insulting, rude, crude, or infantile. So back off already! We have a retired lawyer on retainer!
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