"On the Road Again." near fatal mistake for 2026 Summer Travelers: Sasquatch Sightings spoil a good drive!
Multiple reports have flooded the Yeti Not Seti institute with road-trip encounters with Bigfoots. "We appreciate these vastly important bits of Bigfoot news.", pleaded Erk Holohead, an Institute bored of director, "But stop being cheapskates and put real, not xeroxed, stamps on your letters? We're tired of paying for postage!"
Catoosa Oklahoma left Caterwauling from Bigfoot Adventure!
The famous Blue Whale Roadside attraction in Catoosa was sullied by a random Bigfoot sighting. "I was totally surprised, yet somehow weirdly serene, when suddenly a big smelly Bigfoot photo-bombed my photo of the famous cerulean Sirene in Catoosa.", masticated Ricard Scheister, an also member of the Instituted. Scheister is a retired lawyer who has been institutionalized multiple times for assorted legal issues, though he always manages to get out and evade charges.
![]() |
| Sasquatch, Catoosa Blue Whale, Bologna, Adrian, Middle Point of Somewhere Cafe, Cadillac Ranch. A road trip to remember! Countless hours of new-age therapy will help, a bit. |
"Speaking of mastication, I had a wonderful culinary novelty whilst driving 80 MPH (I kept getting passed, but I like the left lane!) on I-40 towards Amarillo and the Cadillac Ranch. We were ordered by a 'friend' of mine to try out a famous fried-bologna sandwich lathered in peanut butter at the famous Middle Point of Somewhere Cafe in Adrian, Texas. It was very healthy and interesting! I'm going to open an artisanal sandwich shop when I get home and this amazing item will be get top billing! No Bigfoots spotted. If they ever found out about this sandwich, Adrian Texas is in trouble.", continued Scheister.
Northern California Hit with Multiple Bigfoot Sightings!
California Fish & Game officials are casually investigating a mysterious empty fishing boat on the Sacramento River. Sasquatches are to blame. A crime scene is suspected. "We blame Bigfoots. We always blame Bigfoots." confided a slightly overweight fishy games officer. "The fishing boat was beached along the riverbank. The fisherman have completely disappeared. We found Bigfoot tracks all over the place. No fingerprints. All the smelly bait and fried snacks were missing. We fear the worst! That is to say, we may have to work this weekend on the case, which really stinks because I was going Speckled Snipe Hunting on Saturday."
![]() |
| Missing Fly Fisherman, Empty Boat, Sasquatch Sighting. Connected? |
Wine Country Hike Marred by Sasquatch Attack! Vinologists almost Vindicated!
In a completely separate but somehow curiously related incident, several bargain-basement jug wine makers were ambushed while hiking through brushy hills in California wine country, while looking for lost grapes. "It's not like we were desperately poaching other people's vineyards for higher quality grape cuttings." sniffed Crass FFFFleps, vinologist at Dollar-a-Gallon-Rotgut Wines LLC, "Well, we were poaching, but so what? It's standard business practice around here. But that Sasquatch attack really messed up our vine cutting liberation plans. The nasty beast had a stench like you wouldn't believe! The beast's appearance had a mangy looking color and clarity. Its wild aroma was beyond words, and the hairy notes are unmentionable. If this Sasquatch was a wine, the palate taste would hint at earthy, I mean really earthy, flavors. Best not to talk about texture and mouthfeel. The finish? Well, if these qualities were ever but into a wine bottle, you wouldn't want to finish it! You'd want to call 911!".
![]() |
| Bigfoot plus Wine Country equals Vinegar. |
![]() |
| Grape Cuttings Poaching Expedition Thwarted! Sasquatch ruins planned raids. |
Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in Wino Friendly Yuba City, California, was feeling exuberant. "I'm inebriated! I mean exuberated! At last we have verified sightings of Sasquatches in Oklahoma and in Northern California Wine Country! As a pestatarian, I eat sea-life but no mammalian red meat... but an undercover 'research' to trip to Catoosa will allow me to savor a mouth-watering Oklahoma filet 14 ounce filet mignon steak, medium well, and no one I know will be the wiser for it. As far as wine country goes, I have a tipsy top secret plan. If I can bottle the unique flavors, notes, and essences of bigfoots and put them into a wine bottle with a screw-cap, I could make a fortune! Gotta work on that pesky wine texture and mouth-feel a bit. I can also make sparkling wine as a mass-market spin-off product. Great for bad BBQs. Ha! Who needs the FDA, anyway!"




No comments:
Post a Comment