Bigfoot Spotted in East Bay Hills!

 Lafayette Reservoir Radioactive as Suspected Sasquatch Stools Sustain Ongoing Panic!

An alarming Bigfoot sighting at the Lafayette Reservoir Recreation and Deep Sea Fishing regional park has forced authorities to close the area until further notice. Local residents are on a boil-water notice for tap water. Mysterious black helicopters stuffed with 'little green men' have swarmed the site to 'investigate' the incident. 

Captured on a remote Park Camera, a Sasquatch triggered this astounding photo of a Sasquatch moving through heavy woods, marking his territory in the usual way.  

Sasquatch caught stalking a soon-to-be-hysterical hiker at the park. 

Eyewitness accounts claimed the beast was superficially peaceful, while sullen and obviously belligerent. "That hideously hairy humanoid was busy marking his territory", lamented one park day-tripper. "The clinging stench was like cat-pee times one hundred!" 

Divot Looney trapped yet again by another nasty Bigfoot!

Amateur Bigfoot hunter Divot Looney was hiking in the area when he was cornered by a Sasquatch, yet again. "This Sasquatch thing happens every damn time I foolishly agree go fly fishing or go look for extremely rare butterflies to impale on collection boards for that imbecile Dr. Karl Blinng. I just don't get it!" said Divot, dimly.  

A fisherman trying to hook the rare Lafayette freshwater Sword Fish was rudely interrupted when the beast stole his fermenting bait.  

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director for Life of the YETI not SETI Institute in hydrated Yuma City, was coincidently at the Reservoir during the Sasquatch scare. Always with an eye towards the advancement of science, Dr. Blinng attempted to illegally collect extremely rare and endangered mosquitos. Blinng was also on the lookout for random Bigfoot DNA samples. He was sadly crestfallen. "I'm very demented and disappointed. I thought those urea infused marked trees and impressively mysterious piles of scat laying around were real Sasquatch calling cards. No! They were in fact 'souvenirs' of that Looney guy. When Divot saw that feral Bigfoot he literally s**t in his pants! We had to sneak out a side trail like common criminals to avoid a significant California EPA fine! Why we ever let Divot join the Bored of Directors is beyond me. Oh wait... he bribed us and he's playing his role perfectly. Never mind!"

BIGFOOT ATTACK in EAST BAY HILLS! COYOTE TAKES THE RAP?

 "The Creature Came From Behind And Pounced!" Terrorized Hikers Escape Nasty Bigfoot Sighting near Lafayette California! Crazed Coyote a 'Quatch Casualty? 

A semi-innocent band of hikers looking for the rare Fritillaria pluriflora wildflower in the foothills surrounding bucolic Lafayette were astounded to encounter a roaming Sasquatch during their botanical expedition. In an astounding coincidence, a demented coyote has also been spotted in the same area, biting multiple people and acting in a frenzied manner not commonly seen in these animals. 

Super Scary Sasquatch Spotted in Serene Setting!

It is rumored, but not confirmed, that the infamous Director of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, Dr. Karl Blinng, was spotted in the area. All of the suspects - the Sasquatch, the Coyote, and the Doctor - are suspected of harboring Rabies. Who was patient zero?

Divot Looney, a newly elected* Bored of Director to the institute, gave an impromptu press conference at the Yuba City facility to factually deny this coincidence.  "Look" said Divot, "Take your sassy Sasquatch, your crazed coyote, your mad and demented Director.... with only of them foaming at the mouth. Just because Blinng is foaming at the mouth doesn't mean he is rabid.... oh wait..."

Bigfoot, Coyote, Demented Doctor, Rabies. Lysol won't help.

The Institute is closed as a public health hazard temporarily. All the Bored of Directors have been  placed into a two week quarantine at a pandemically closed dive diner in the Yuba City metropolitan area. The shuttered diner, famous for cold coffee and burnt toast, will serve the inmates free flat diet cokes and runny freeze-dried scrambled eggs, courtesy of the State Health Department. Rumors abound that the Governor may join them for a five-star dinner, however. Wearing masks is optional!

Ricard Scheister, a Bored of Director member and quasi-legal advisor, opined on the alleged potential connection between the mysterious bite attacks and a rabid Dr. Blinng. "Balderdash! Blinng has an alibi! Will the alibi lay down, yawn, and scratch itself in court - - but stand up? Not bloody likely!"

The Coyote? The cunning creature is still roaming the foothills, prowling the area looking for fresh ankles to bite. Bourbon Street Wild Life experts suspect the poor animal was subjected to a furry crypto-terror most horrible in sight and disgusting in smell. The experience drove the animal mad. It was too much to take, even for a mangy coyote.  

*Erk Holohead confirms that since Divot's second check to the Institute for membership didn't bounce, the final vote was 4-0 to admit him... to the Bored of Directors that is. "Hey, money talks. Government funded crypto research funds diverted invested to boost the morale of the Institute employees are always welcome. Essentially, Dr. Blinng's wine cellar at the Institute is running low on Sparkling Wine and Extra Spicy Fritos.... he needs replenishment. All for the good of Science and Cryptozoological Research."