Sasquatch Sightings at the Sacramento and American Rivers!

Frazzled Fly Fishermen Frightened at Sasquatch Fandango!

Reports have rapids-ly stream-ed in of numerous Bigfoot incidents involving clueless "Catch and Release" fly fisherman performing their dark fly-fishy arts by the Sacramento and American rivers. 

Fish and Fly Fisherman flee in terror at sight of bad Bigfoot on the American River.

"It was FIENDISH. The Bigfoot, I mean, not the trout I was stalking. I was using my new hand-made hi-tech tse-tse larvae-fly. It was a beautiful fly. My precious! It had 5G GPS and moved like one of them UFO water-drones you read about on respectable websites. The damn Sasquatch ate it! I mean it ate my fancy fly AND the fish! Total disaster... a entire day of fishing and $150.00 lost, gone, vamoosed."

Savage Sasquatch Sneaking Caught Fish at I-5 and the Sacramento River.

In what can only be an incredible coincidence, a second Sasquatch interrupted another fabulous fly fishing frenzy on the Sacramento River. "Ya. We wuz fishing in a nice idyllic spot near Redding, underneath the lovely I-5 bridge when this savage Bigfoot came oouut of the shadows and grabbed our trout and ran off! Just like that. THIEF! CROOK! SCOUNDREL! We called the police and they just told us to go to a Jolly Roger Restaurant and just order a Fish-Fry sandwich like everyone else if we wanted fish that bad. 

A Redding police spokesman confirmed this advice. "We get these Bigfoot incidents every year involving fanatical fly-fisherman. Eh, all fly-fisherman are fanatical. As a public service we tell these fly fishing fools that it's a hell of lot easier to go order a McFishy Sandwich than go out into a dangerous river area infested with snakes, Sasquatches and Fresh Water Sharks. Oh yes, there are FRESH WATER SHARKS in the Sacramento River! You've been warned." 

The YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE did not return our phone calls for comment. Their answering machine said they were out fishing. 

BIGFOOT ATTACK ON THE AMERICAN RIVER!

PANIC IN SACRAMENTO! More than Usual!
CITY ON ALERT AFTER RARE BIGFOOT ATTACK.

Two Sacramento baseball players had a close encounter with a suspected BigFoot. Garet Duntley, one of the eyewitnesses, said from his hospital bed that he and a fellow player were chasing a long ball that went into a park along the American River. "It was a cold overcast Saturday afternoon at the American River, and after finding the baseball we looked around and saw a creepy strange creature in the water, it looked like he was fishing for Salmon."

When spotted, the animal suddenly jumped out of the water and lunged into the bush. Seconds later BigFoot appeared and charged the eyewitnesses. "I think it got mad because we threw the baseball at it when it was fishing and whacked him in the head. When we laughed he really got mad" said Toney Torrezz, the other survivor of the attack. Bigfoot lunged at the victims and both of them fainted in total fright. When they recovered, BigFoot was gone. Only the baseball was left, ripped into tiny shreds by the creature. Sacramento Police announced that a "significant man-hunt, er, Sasquatch-hunt is going on, but we are having no luck. We're still dealing with a recent alien abduction and we're stretched right now!"

Dr. Karl Bling, world-famous Yeti, Sasquatch and BigFoot expert with a Ph.D. in Pseudo-Scientific Investigations of the Silly Sort and Director of the "Yeti-not-SETI" Research Institute in Yuba City California stated: "This is remarkable news. I have contacted the two gentlemen and have asked for more information. I am willing to pay $ 3,000 for the shredded baseball. I am sure we will find, at last, real Sasquatch DNA and fantastic Body-Odor scents!"