Bigfoot Quockerwodger Alarms Quebec Province! Canada Convulsive!

Sasquatch Ape Wreaks Havoc in Montreal and Quebec City! No One Notices!

Ah Quebec... the home of Poutine, perennial Franco-secession, real maple syrup, and collapsing freeway overpasses. Yes, Quebec has a charm and beauty all its own... while the rest of Canada says "you can keep it!". But Nature has other plans! Migrating Sasquatches have been spotted in Montreal and Quebec City... and they are moving east in search of rancid poutine. There are intense fears these hairy beasts will eventually arrive in New Foundland, where they will pick up the strange and incomprehensable ways of Newfie communication. "An unnatural combination of Quebec French and Newfie English will be a diabolical disaster!", declared a serial linguist academic languishing in Ottawa. 

Bigfoot Crashes Grand Prix Cycliste de Québec! 

Major cycling road races are infamous for idiotic fans crossing the road in front of charging pelotons, team chaser cars, and determined old ladies with racing walkers. But a Bigfoot crossing the road at the wrong time is a first! The Peloton crashed in a mighty pile just yards from where the nasty beast darted in front of them. "The shock of seeing that furball, the stench, and the swarm of flies following IT was too much! We lost all control in the front, and the entire group went down. A few riders decided to retire from the sport on-the-spot and left their machines smashed and stinking on the road... contaminated by disgusting mangy mats of Bigfoot hair, thousands of fly droppings, hair lice everywhere, you name it! They don't pay us team riders enought for hazard pay!" 

 

T-Rex Versus Sasquatch! 

Nasty Jurassic Park Attack Scene in Montreal goes amock. The terrified Bigfoot reportedly barely escaped the attacking apex predator. The beast sought solace in yet more rancid poutine hiding in nearby trash bins. What is going on with "Quebec Man" and another hungry T-Rex behind the Bigfoot is open to conjecture. 

 

Bigfoot spotted in Quebec City! 

Château Frontenac escaped potential damage from the Sasquatch sneaking into the building, fortunately. The Fontaine de la Place d'Armes faired badly, as the Bigfoot both drank from the fountain and then proceeded to take a bath in it. City Sanitation workers say it will be months before the fountain is decontaminated. 

Bigfoot and Pandas in Montreal Botanical Gardens! 

An perplexed Uber-Panda tourist caught a photo of a Sasquatch serenely strolling through the gardens. "That Bigfoot was very courteous. It stopped to gaze at the Panda sculptures. It then sniffed and looked at my bag... and proceeded to grab all my organic-pestcatarian-fried-fish-jerky-snacks and scampered off! Sure IT was a smelly thief, but IT was a nice smelly thief!"  

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the illustrious Yeti Not Seti Institute, located in Francophone Yuba City, California, had something to say. "I have something to say! Pay attention you numbskulls! The recent Quebec Sasquatch sightings incident is amazing. I was very lucky to be there at the time, researching suspected ancient fossilized Bigfoot coprolites found on display at a dive Montreal Bar. The bar owner only wanted $3,000 American dollars for these precious samples! Of course, I paid him and took these precious poops back to the Institute for analysis. Some naysayers mock me and claim I was a dupe and paid good money for freeze dried (big) dog feces. They are fools. Fools, I tell you! You'll see!"