Norway Numb from Bigfoot Sightings! Norge nummen etter Big Foot Observation!

Sneaky Sasquatch in Oslo! Norwegians Really Worked Up This Time!

Like a bad dream, Bigfoot sightings popped up all over Oslo, Norway last month. Oslo city police politely request normally stoic city dwellers to remain calm, comatose, and semi-alert for future fur-fetish dangers. Panic at home if you must!

Startled tourists saw what looked like a North American Bigfoot or an Inflatable Advertising Sasquatch Blimp perched on top of the world famous Holmenkollbakken Ski Jump above Oslo. Holmenkollbakken means "Who would be crazy enough to try this?" in Norwegian. Speculation is rampant that only a Bigfoot could have conceived of this sport?

Sasquatch sightings reached the center of Oslo, near the National Theater. "Even the pigeons where afraid!", commented a very steamed-off coffee vendor nearby. "Bad for business. Some small yappy dogs put up a ferocious defense near the trash bins, frustrating the big ape's nasty plans to scavenge for old lutefisk".  

Sightseeing Sasquatch skulking near the Norway Parliament Building! Parliament closed! No one noticed! "It took a while to determine if he was a member of Parliament or a stinkende villape, but when he used the plaza to relieve an urgent call of nature we knew immediately... he was with the Green Party." 

At the Frammmm Ship Museum, there is a remarkable model of the Frammmm solidly stuck in Arctic Ice for three years - - as a what-could-go-wrong nautical exploration experiment. Overlooked by modern museum experts, a Sasquatch is clearly depicted as part of the crew! "This entire expedition was incredible! Deliberately allowing the Arctic Ice to freeze the ship and allow it travel in ice flows for 3 years? Insane. No wonder a Bigfoot volunteered for duty! Why isn't this remarkable history more commonly known... other than causing widespread panic? Why?" 

Were Bigfoots Vikings? Were Vikings Bigfoots? Or at least cosplay Wagnerian Opera Fans? Ancient Alien Theorists are convinced there is compelling evidence for unpleasant Sasquatch and Viking interactions one thousand years ago. "Meeting scraggy Sasquatches, not savage Skraelings, may been the REAL reason those Lief Erikson Vikings would rather chill in Iceland and freeze in icy Greenland than make a permanent home in Vinland and live in Miami Beach Condos during the winter.", pontificated one very unusually coiffed ancient alien cable-tv expert.

Erk Holohead, a bored member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in fjord friendly Yuba City, California, was amazed. "I'm in a knotted Nordic mental maze. I am totally 'mazed! Jeg er helt forbløffet! Bigfoots, Vikings, Ski Jumps, Lutefisk, Wagner, bar soap... the pernicious possibilities from Norseman Sasquatch interactions over the centuries are astounding! Norway has a lot to answer for! After this World Cup is over, that is. In the meantime, forget about it."

Bigfoot Sightings in Oklahoma, Texas, and California! 2026 Sasquatch Summer Madness Begins!

"On the Road Again." near fatal mistake for 2026 Summer Travelers: Sasquatch Sightings spoil a good drive!

Multiple reports have flooded the Yeti Not Seti institute from worrisome road-trip encounters with Bigfoots. "We appreciate these vastly important bits of Bigfoot news.", pleaded Erk Holohead, an Institute bored of director, "But stop being cheapskates and put real, not xeroxed, stamps on your letters? We're tired of paying for your postage!" 

Catoosa Oklahoma left Caterwauling from Bigfoot Adventure! 

The famous Blue Whale Roadside attraction in Catoosa was sullied by a random Bigfoot sighting. "I was totally surprised, yet somehow weirdly serene, when suddenly a big smelly Bigfoot photo-bombed my photo of the famous cerulean Sirene in Catoosa.", masticated Ricard Scheister, an also member of the Instituted. Scheister is a retired lawyer who has been institutionalized multiple times for assorted legal issues, though he always manages to get out and evade charges.   

Sasquatch, Catoosa Blue Whale, Bologna, Adrian, Middle Point of Somewhere Cafe, Cadillac Ranch. A road trip to remember! Countless hours of  new-age therapy will help, a bit. 

"Speaking of mastication, I had a wonderful culinary novelty whilst driving 80 MPH (I kept getting passed, but I like the left lane!) on I-40 towards Amarillo and the Cadillac Ranch. We were ordered by a 'friend' of mine to try out a famous fried-bologna sandwich lathered in peanut butter at the famous Middle Point of Somewhere Cafe in Adrian, Texas. It was very healthy and interesting! I'm going to open an artisanal sandwich shop when I get home and this amazing item will be get top billing! No Bigfoots spotted. If they ever found out about this sandwich, Adrian Texas is in trouble.", continued Scheister. 

Northern California Hit with Multiple Bigfoot Sightings!

California Fish & Game officials are casually investigating a mysterious empty fishing boat on the Sacramento River. Sasquatches are to blame. A crime scene is suspected. "We blame Bigfoots. We always blame Bigfoots.", confided a slightly overweight fishy games officer. "The fishing boat was beached along the riverbank. The fisherman have completely disappeared. We found Bigfoot tracks all over the place. No fingerprints. All the smelly bait and fried snacks were missing. We fear the worst! That is to say we may have to work this weekend on the case, which really stinks because I was going Speckled Snipe Hunting on Saturday." 

Missing Fly Fisherman, Empty Boat, Sasquatch Sighting. Connected?

 Wine Country Hike Marred by Sasquatch Attack! Vinologists almost Vindicated!

In a completely separate but somehow curiously related incident, several bargain-basement jug wine makers were ambushed while hiking through brushy hills in California wine country, while looking for lost grapes. "It's not like we were desperately poaching other people's vineyards for higher quality grape cuttings." sniffed Crass FFFFleps, vinologist at Dollar-a-Gallon-Rotgut Wines LLC, "Well, we were poaching, but so what? It's standard business practice around here. But that Sasquatch attack really messed up our vine cutting liberation plans. The nasty beast had a stench like you wouldn't believe! The beast's appearance had a mangy looking color and clarity. Its wild aroma was beyond words, and the hairy notes are unmentionable. If this Sasquatch was a wine, the palate taste would hint at earthy, I mean really earthy, flavors. Best not to talk about texture and mouthfeel. The finish? Well, if these qualities were ever but into a wine bottle, you wouldn't want to finish it! You'd want to call 911!". 

Bigfoot plus Wine Country equals Vinegar.

Grape Cuttings Poaching Expedition Thwarted! Sasquatch ruins planned raids. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in Wino Friendly Yuba City, California, was feeling exuberant. "I'm inebriated! I mean exuberated! At last we have verified sightings of Sasquatches in Oklahoma and in Northern California Wine Country! As a pestatarian, I eat sea-life but no mammalian red meat... but an undercover 'research' to trip to Catoosa will allow me to savor a mouth-watering Oklahoma filet 14 ounce Filet Mignon steak, medium well, and no one I know will be the wiser for it. As far as wine country goes, I have a tipsy top secret plan. If I can bottle the unique flavors, notes, and essences of bigfoots and put them into a wine bottle with a screw-cap, I could make a fortune! Gotta work on that pesky wine texture and mouth-feel a bit. I can also make sparkling wine as a mass-market spin-off product. Great for bad BBQs. Ha! Who needs the FDA, anyway!"

Copenhagen Cowers! Goes Coo Coo Over Sasquatch Sighting!

Denmark Demented! Bigfoot spotted in Copenhagen! København går amok! 

The normally laid-back city of Copenhagen was assaulted by a mysterious North American Bigfoot over the May Day weekend, disrupting traffic, tourism, and overall Danish citizen mellowness. 

May Day was a fine time for local denizens to visit the Royal Park, frolic about, and drink OK beer. Unfortunately, this savage Sasquatch thought the same thing. 

A Royal Park eyewitness enjoying the spring weather claimed the beast sauntered through the park heading straight to the Rosenborg Slot Royal Palace. "That big mangy ape walked like it was the King himself! Ah, there is absolutely no resemblance whatsoever. Anyway, our King knows how to use a razor. This Sasquatch creature doesn't have a clue."

The errant Bigfoot, mere seconds before it entered the Rosenborg Slot Castle and did something truly and remarkably disgusting. 

The beast somehow slipped past the Castle Royal Guards on duty, and snuck through a side window. Things went badly wrong from there. 

The Royal Loo. A precious symbol of Denmark. The Royal Castle was the victim of Bigfoot Graffiti and much, much worse. 

"We think the nasty beast had an extremely urgent call-of-nature situation. It saw the Royal Loo and proceeded to empty it's putrefactive bowels. The resulting stench was so bad we had to evacuate tourists overcome with nausea and close the Castle!", said a shaken royal guard. "We're trained to handle just about anything threatening or oidous, but this... this... this... I just can't talk about it right now!"

"This Bigfoot beast is a hairy smelly frafalden!" exclaimed a stressed curator of the Rosenborg Slot Royal Castle. "That frygteligt bæst caused hundreds of thousands of Krone in damage to royal historic artifacts and in emergency bio-hazard clean-up remediation fees. That's about $241.95 in US dollars. Tak til Gud we have thousands of tourists visit every week to this place. Those rubes will have no idea what happened here. We'll break even in a few days." 

The Sasquatch vandalized a famous painting, originally commissioned in the 1700s to warn Royal Families not to marry their first cousins. The monkey man tagged the priceless work of art with a juvenile message that says "I think this chick is HOT!". 

But the EU Customs warning sign mentions nothing of Bigfoots! The European Union, driven to urgent action, will create a 10 million Euro, multi-year, multi-lingual task-force to investigate messaging options to update the sign. 

Denmark is in an understated Nordic political uproar over this unpleasant Bigfoot incursion. The EU is in a bureaucratic uproar, as usual. Fingers are pointing to the USA as the culprit, as usual. "Is this some sort of blackmail attempt by the Orange Man in the United States to force Denmark to hand over Greenland?", screamed a recent editorial from a Danish Newspaper no one actually reads. The US State Department denies the charge: "We do not deny that the Sasquatch is likely from our country, but we categorically deny sending any such ape beast as an agent provocateur. They are really dumb, dense animals. We mean, really, really thick in the head. Like really really really lacking in brain-cells. Try talking to Canada!"

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in Scandinavia-like Yuba City, California, was phlegmatic. "Excuse me a minute, I have some phlegm in my throat. Ahhh, much better now! Look, I was in Denmark during that time of the Sasquatch attacks on København. I don't think it was the fault of the Americans nor the Canadians. It was those sneaky, deceitful, devious Belgians! They'll stop at nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing!!!"

The YETI NOT SETI Institute would like to apologize to the governments of Belgium, Denmark, The United States, Canada, the Danish Royal Family and anyone else offended by any comments made or construed as insulting, rude, crude, or infantile. So back off already! We have a retired lawyer on retainer!