Sordid Santa Fe Sasquatch Sighting!

Baffled BigFoot in Santa Fe and Los Alamos! New Mexico Authorities Stumped. 

An extremely rare sighting of a Sasquatch has occurred in numbed New Mexico. Locals and lost tourists spotted the scabious beast multiple times in the Santa Fe and Los Alamos regions. Police suspect the creature attempted a nocturnal heist of rare and invaluable southwestern art. Federal lands have been closed until confirmation the beast has cleared out and returned to California. It is assumed by the state government that most unwelcome intruders into New Mexico are from California or Texas. 

Bigfoot caught on camera in the Jemez Springs area by a seriously lost fly-fisherman looking for feral trout to electrocute with his new fancy fly-fishing gear. 

Terrible Troglodyte Sasquatch spotted at an ancient cliff dwelling at Bandelier National Monument. "The man-monkey thought the cave was a nice condo for sale. You know how expensive homes are in Santa Fe!" sniffed a local realtor. 

A Santa Fe Art Dealer's security camera captured the art heist suspect on camera, it was casing the joint along with another 249,999 galleries. A daring attempted art theft at one of larger southwestern mass-market shops occurred sometime after closing. 

Along with causing paleolithic disturbances and panic throughout the region, police strongly suspect the Bigfoot was involved in an attempted art theft at a Santa Fe Art Shop. "We're stuffed. Absolutely loaded with Southwestern Art Galleries", said a local art aficionado, "With more than 250,000 galleries in Santa Fe, it's astonishing to witness the extensive array of paintings, jewelry, photographs, pots, sculptures, textiles and more, just waiting for dupes, I mean tourists, to buy them all." The police note an minor theft of a small clay pot painted in pastel desert scenes complete with a saguaro cactus and kookopelli was made that night, but the value of the piece was negligible as there are around 1,400,257 similar items in being sold in New Mexico art galleries and gas stations alone. 

Sasquatch Man meets Atomic Man. 

Security Cameras at the Los Alamos Museum caught the wily ape-man sneaking about the facility. Unmarked black helicopters swarmed the area soon after the discovery, but the fuzzy beast escaped. Reports that the unauthorized BigFoot glowed in the dark were refuted. "It stank in the dark." sighed a Los Alamos security guard. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the aromatic YETI not YETI Institute (located in southwestern Yuba City) was overwhelmed. "I'm overwhelmed! Just how much radioactive ground can a forest-loving crypto-creature like a bigfoot cover in a desert wasteland like New Mexico? Don't think I'm bitter that I call New Mexico a desert wasteland just because my request to present an important paper on Sasquatch precious bodily fluids was denied by a stupid BigFoot conference in Santa Fe this year. Fools! Who needs bitterness when one is armed with the TRUTH! Hahahahahahaha!" 

Unfortunately, this is not the first time Santa Fe has been afflicted by a bigfoot infestation:

Santa Fe Sasquatch Soils Art Scene!

Santa Fe Sasquatch Soils Art Scene!

Santa Fe Sasquatch Sighting! Rare New Mexico Bigfoot Spotted!

Santa Fe locals, tourists, and peddlers of authentic fine southwest Hopeeee made-in-china art stuff were left in shock and amazement when a rarely seen New Mexico Sasquatch made a pathetic paseo and promenaded through the central plaza during yet another art & food festival. The sighting caused minor panic in the laid-back locals, who've seen just about everything. Tourists, however, once they realized the beast was not performing some demented form of street art, were highly bothered by obnoxious odors and noises emitting from the feral beast. The touristy mobs quickly evacuated the area to a questionable part of town known for double-margaritas and loud salsa music.

Santa Fe Sasquatch Caught on Camera! Local shops closed immediately after the sighting.

"Yeah, I was there", said a local starving artista. "Bad business! I was all set to sell-off my remaining inventory of one-of-a-kind pottery knick-knacks mass-produced in a factory in Shinzhen, er, make that Shangra-la. Then this ugly furry animal walks by and chases away all the marks, ah, my loyal customers! That Bigfoot wasn't noticed at first because it was kinda mellow and just sauntered by. But that cloud of fleas trailing it sure got the attention of everyone. The plaza was empty in minutes!"

New Mexico Sasquatch roving Santa Fe's central plaza before heading towards Atalaya Mountain.

"New Mexico Bigfoots are extremely rare, the desert is not their favorite place to hang out. We're quite unlucky to see one.", said Erk Holohed, a member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute board of directors.

Holohed was in Santa Fe for a scientifically useless but important all-you-can-drink crypto-zoology conference focused on 'South-by-SouthWest Sasquatches and Georgia O'Keefe- Real or Surreal?'. "This particular Santa Fe Sasquatch must have been attracted to quirky artiste vibes in the plaza and swirling smells of fried food. The combination must have driven the poor beast mad. We know Bigfeet have problems understanding modern art. This poor brute may have had a serious mental issue with Southwestern art. He'll recover in the mountains. If we're lucky, he'll head towards Colorado. A Sasquatch can become a friendly, furry, pot-head to the locals and fit right in."