Sasquatch Seen Sauntering Through Savanna Grassland!

Bigfoot Spotted in Grassland During Gracious Lobster Dining Ice Age.

Alert and inebriated guests at a fund raiser for the Arts in Livermore Valley were treated to a rare Bigfoot sighting. While truly amazing and shocking, the passing Sasquatch gained little notice as most of the guests were either slap-happy from too much Wente wine, or frozen stiff from the wind and fog that ripped through the prestigious Cape Cod Lobster Fest event.

Savanna Sasquatch sighted in Livermore.

The fund raiser director was shocked. "I was shocked", she said, "First we ran out of finger food and organic tofu salad, then those fancy olives with tooth picks in them were gone, then we were in danger of running out of delicious luke-warm lobster bathed in margarine. Man, those people could eat, like they'd never seen melted lard before! Then the wind kicked up. Then the fog rolled in. As the theme of the event was "Cape Cod Nudity Beach and Lobster Boil", people were suffering from the unexpected cold weather. Then this nasty beast lurking in the grassland was spotted strolling nearby next to the golf course. Thank God we had exciting radio and TV personalities to entertain the crowd, or we would have had panic!".

Nearby golfers took little notice, as the fourth hole had a particularly devilish angle involving sand traps for chip shots and putting. "Bigfoot? What Bigfoot? I had $100.00 riding on that hole, and messed up my putt thanks to the commotion over at that fancy artsy fartsy party. Screw Sasquatch!" said a frustrated local duffer.

Livermore police are once again flummoxed by yet another Sasquatch sighting. "Why us? What did we do to deserve this yet again?", said an exasperated spokesman. Livermore has been the victim of numerous Bigfoot sightings in the last few years for no apparent reason, other than the fact the city is host to a top secret government research laboratory which is harboring revolutionary alien teeth cleaning technologies and is attempting a dangerous experiment to combine brussel sprouts and oregano through laser driven nuclear fusion.

Smelly Top Secret Sasquatch Security Snafu!

Breaking News: "Blithering" BigFoot Spotted at Top Secret National Laboratory - - Sparks Sasquatch Security Search!

Just days after publicity-seekers crashed a White House Dinner, an "unwashed" Bigfoot has barged into a high security national R&D complex in Livermore, California. A local Livermoron claims the furry creature never saw the "really top-super-secret ultra-classified need-to-know, if-I-tell-you-I-have-to-kill-you stuff... like the flying saucer technologies, the time-travel building or the Roswell Aliens stacked like cork wood and stored in a deep-freeze.... hey.... I never talked... you got it?!"

Serious Sasquatch Security Breakdown at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

Lost Wente Winery tourists poking around the Laboratory's Top Secret Visitors Center (open 10 to 4, free admission) came face-to-face with the hairy apeman; "I was shocked, that ferocious fur-ball needs major dental work.", said eyewitness Patrizia Halversump, "When that crude creature spotted a photo of Governor Aunold Schwarzenegger touring the LLNL National Ignition Center, he went nuts. The BigFoot jumped up and down yelling 'Coooo-an! Coooo-an!' You could see nasty fleas jumping off his fur, what a perfectly disgusting animal!"

The Fresno BigFoot Investigations (FBI) agency has figured out the monkey-man's motives... "This Sasquatch was not a spy, nyet, ahhh, I mean nooooooo... that BigFoot was looking for Conan the Barbarian".

"OK, yeah sure, we lost time solving this mystery. We thought the Apeman was saying "Cohen the Barbarian", an honest mistake, OK? Dr. Blinng at the Yeti not Seti Institute cracked the case after we paid him 34 dollars and 28 cents cash up-front... a stiff price, but it was worth it."

Livermore Police are stumped, "Why does this stupid Sasquatch keep coming back here? What did we ever do to that mangy primate?"

Looking for Arnold? LLNL Sasquatch Sighting.

"Looking for Aunold."

Bigfoot Trashes Research Laboratory!