Suspicious Sasquatch Activity at Roberts Redwood Park! Bigfoot Attack! Mounds of Unauthorized Organic Fertilizer!
Roberts Regional Recreation Area was the scene of scurrilous Sasquatch savagery last week. Park official are keeping very quiet. A massive simian cover-up is suspected!
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| A Precious Trees Habitat Enhancement Project has been put on hold following the discovery of a massive odorous animal scat from an unknown beast. "The entire area is badly contaminated! While we can't say what sort of critter actually left this digusting souvenir, we do know it suffured from severe digestion issues and loved old rancid fried foods, walked on two legs, and was extremely hairy from tip-to-toe. But we're flummoxed.", sighed a Park Ranger who was suiting up for the massive detox project, "This beast leaves dung piles bigger than any St. Bernard I ever knew!" |
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| Brave but gullible Divot Looney, a member of the bored of directors with the Yeti not Seti Institute, was conducting a scientific exploration of the park for signs of Sasquatches. He was attacked yet again! After being released from the emergency room, he asked why Dr. Karl Blinng, who lead the expedition, didn't attempt to save him from the beastly attack. Blinng cackled and said "I'm dumb BUT I'm not stupid! Better that Bigfoot attack Divot than me. Besides, I was taking pictures for my rabid social-media followers. Great Sasquatch content, especially when that ape-man almost tore Looney's head off! That was pretty funny." |
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| Blinng made an amazing shot of the beast as it sauntered off after the attack on Looney. "This is a million dollar photo! I can sell this the National Prober for a lot of mullah! It was worth Looney almost losing his head." |
Erk Holohead released a Yeti not Seti Institute propaganda, er, press release: "Billions of readers of this informative news blog are asking if Looney has recovered from his Bigfoot attack and is OK? Well, at least a few people are asking, mostly bill collectors. We're happy to announce that Looney has completely recovered from his horrendous ordeal and received a few hundred Venezuelan Bolivares in compensation from the Institute. Like we said, he's rather gullible."
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