Scurrilous San Diego Sasquatch Sighting!

 Bigfoot spotted in San Diego! Demented Denizens Disbelieve Their Affronted Eyes.

Encinitas, California locals, Venezuelan Cartel members, and tourists alike were shocked to see what appeared to be a bizarre bona-fide crypto-creature ambling thorough the dazed streets of this idyllic Pacific Coast town.
 

An amazed tourist caught a Bigfoot in camera, minutes after a "Bigfoot Poop Alert" Map was hastily updated in Encinitas, California. 

The creature appeared smitten and puzzled by a day-of-the-dead maiden statue. "I think the beast was working up the courage to ask her out on a date. The aroma of old fried tortillas eventually distracted him away."

Bigfoots and Refried Beans: An unfortunate combination!

Sasquatch spotted at the statue of Spanish Explorer Juan Cabrillo. Speculation has long swirled around Cabrillo - - did he discover Bigfoots, or just California beach bums? 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI-NOT-YETI Institute located in the surfer's paradise of Yuba City, California, had some Sasquatch theories to share. "I have some theories to share. I conceived of these brilliant theorems all by myself, after extensive thought, cold pizza, and a bottle of top-shelf tequila. Namely, Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo was himself a bigfoot! Who else but a Sasquatch would squander his massive fortune searching the parched coast of Southern California for water, food, and crushed ice? Then eventually die from a broken leg on Catalina Island?"

My other genius theory is just a brilliant. The SoCal Freeway system was designed and implemented by Bigfoots! Nothing else can explain the I-405. Absolutely nothing."

Tahiti Titillates as Sasquatch Sullies Surfing Competition!

French Polynesia Pummeled as Barging Bigfoot Breaks Taboos!  Papeʻete Panics!

Forget grass skirts, coconuts, and beautiful hula girls. Forget balmy breezes, Firi firi, and romantic tropical sunsets. No, forget it all. A nasty Bigfoot has stepped ashore. "Tahiti may never recover from this insult!", explained a shocked te pae tahatai beach bum sipping on a high-octane pia, "Why would a smelly Sasquatch would come here to our island paradise, of all places! Send it back where it came from!"

Ape-man captured on camera at Tahiti beach during sunset. "That was no beautiful tropical island girl! Nice hair, though..."

The beast mysteriously appeared during the French Olympics, where Tahiti was hosting both the World Champion Surfing and  competitive Bubble-Bath competitions. 

Grotesque and gamey simian sighting near the Grottes de Mara's cave complex.  

Tahitian animal control officials suspect the creature was hiding-out in the Grottes de Mara's caves between rancid fried-food raids, but the island police were too disgusted to find out. 

The Sasquatch spotted at a local shopping mall searching for a Polynesian food-court and spreading mites, tics and odeurs nauséabondes et désagréables in the process. The famous untrademarked Olympics Symbol in the background, rivaling the logo super-glued onto the Eiffel Tower, had to be fumigated and restored at great cost. 

Clues abound, but airline and customs officials are left absolutely clueless!

How did the beast barge into Tahiti? How did it get there? These questions are stumping pseudo-naturalists and cryptozoologists across Oceania. Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YET NOT SETI Institute located in Yuba City (the South Pacific of California's Central Valley), has some ideas. "I have an idea! It's even my own idea. I'm rather excited about it. This Bigfoot came over in a modified outrigger canoe! Very modified. As in, it was as wide as a whale, ah... so was the outrigger. Why did it cross the Pacific Ocean from the USA to Tahiti? How do I know? Do I know what goes on in the Sasquatch Mind? Don't be a fool. I barely know what goes on in my own head!"

¡No otra vez! Asqueroso Bigfoot Sighting in Cartagena Colombia!

Mystery Ape-Man Mingles with Mortified Touristas in Old Town Cartagena!

Confounding local police and customs officials, a yanqui bigfoot was discovered tagging along with a tour group in the old town section of Cartagena. The cursed tour originated from the cruise ship "Catastrophe of the Seas". Colombian officials say the simian was a stowaway on the ship and managed to return to the same vessel after the 5 hour excursion... "A walking tour of old town Cartagena in high heat and humidity, Bataan Death March Style! Refreshments Served."

The tour group completely ignored the Bigfoot, mesmerized as they were by the lovely Getsemani area, the amazing heat and humidity levels, and the variety of Pablo Escobar t-shirts on sale everywhere.  

An observant local lounging around at the Plaza Aduana spotted the Sasquatch in the afternoon. "I could not believe my eyes! I ask them, I ask my eyes, I ask them 'my eyes, what are you seeing here?' I first I thought it was that nasty dictator in Venezuela, Manure or Maduro, I can't really remember his name. But then I see this beast in the plaza was not exactly human, you understand? It was a caveman gone wrong!"

This Sasquatch infestación is not the first time these rabid beasts have been spotted in Colombia. An infamous sighting occurred in 2013 in the beautiful city of Bogotá. The monkey-man animal panicked local business types and caused a mini-recession in the downtown sector for months. Fortunately, no Bigfoots were spotted again until this recent shock from Cartagena. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, expressed dismay. "I am dismayed! Poor Colombia gets hit again by a hairy hominid animal with questionable personal hygiene habits. Coincidently I was in Bogotá in 2013 and Cartagena in 2024 when both great cities were subjected to this Sasquatch business. In fact, I was also on the "Catastrophe of the Seas". This is purely an amazingly improbable coincidence, you understand."

A NEW BIGFOOT SIGHTING IN SHOCKED SINGAPORE!

SINGAPORE SLAPPED SILLY AGAIN WITH SASQUATCH SORTIE!

The usually well contained island nation of Singapore was rudely subjected to a new Bigfoot sighting, causing rare disorder in this most orderly of nations. 

Infiltrating Bigfoot Versus Pink Orchid Singapore Bambi. 

"I say, we were visiting a most exciting Orchid Garden Park in Singapore when IT happened.", said a shocked tourist. "We really like the paintings showing flowers and animals in colors not found in nature, except for at Chernobyl. Suddenly, this vile smelly animal appeared in the park and made a foul stench! At first I thought it was my mother-in-law, but to my horror it was a gigantic hairy ape-man! The beast appeared to be interested in junk food thrown into the local dustbins. It tried to eat an orchid but spit it out... too vegan for him I think?" 

Bigfoot spotted at Changi Airport! Did it actually board a transpacific flight?

The same day, a local Singaporean about to board a gambler's direct flight to luxurious Las Vegas was astounded to see the same ape-man lounging around Changi Airport. "I was amazed! I immediately called my bookie check on the odds of a Sasquatch ever venturing into Changi, it is around One Trillion to one against! I took that bet for the future... it's a sure thing. I didn't spot him on the flight... wherever he went it wasn't Vegas."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-for-Life of the Luxurious YETI not SETI Institute, was skeptical of this recent Bigfoot sighting. "In my years of intense study into Sasquatch behavior, DNA, bodily fluids, and mating habits, I've never encountered a Bigfoot eating orchids. But consider... if the hairy 8 foot tall beast ever made to The Strip in Las Vegas I bet no one would notice him in the crowds. They've seen 'em all. He'd just blend in. And if he had $100 on him they'd let him try out their slot machines!" 

Institute Team Reviews and Regurgitates Sasquatch Sunset Nature Film Documentary

Movie Review: "Sasquatch Sunset" Gets ONE FINGER FLIP SALUTES from YETI not SETI Institute Members!

Dr. Karl Blinng and Mr. Divot Looney, members of the bored of directors for the YETI not SETI Institute, volunteered to pay good American Money to watch the exciting new Bigfoot film "Sasquatch Sunset" in a real move theatre. The unforgettable theatre experience was complete with navigating around sleeping drunks, stepping on old popcorn/gum mixtures stuck on the floor, and enduring a barrage of mediocre movie promotions before the big screening.  

Unsuspecting researchers Looney and Blinng before subjecting themselves to the intense Sasquatch Nature Documentary "Sasquatch Sunset".

Blinng gives "Sasquatch Sunset" a ONE FINGER SALUTE rating: 

"There are no words to describe what I saw. I was driven to watch this ground-breaking crypto-movie out of curiosity. Morbid curiosity, as it turned out. I was driven by in the interests of pseudo-science, along with a strong feeling of jealously since we didn't think of this cinematic masterpiece first. I felt it my obligation to watch it and savor the experience." 

"For me the most disgusting, ah, the most impressionable moment in the documentary came when the intrepid band of Sasquatches discovered a logging road, became upset, and proceeded to excrete every Bigfoot bodily fluid imaginable onto the road's surface. What a moment! I told Looney this film was a ground-breaking cryptozoological nature documentary. He had no clue what he was in for."

"This masterpiece will takes its rightful place alongside such great classics as 'Pink Flamingos', 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes', and dare I say it... 'Plan 9 from Outer Space'. Of all the movies I've ever seen, this was one of them."

Looney awards a ONE FINGER FLIP SALUTE to "Sasquatch Sunset":

"Look, I was essentially kidnapped and brought to that movie theatre against my will. Blinng is insane and will stop at nothing to find evidence of bona fide Bigfoots, usually using me as Sasquatch-bait each and every time. But I trusted him on this score, he said this was a novel nature documentary. What an incredible movie! Sasquatch Sunset is the only movie that has made me cry recently... I could have used that $12 admission for so many other things, sniff."

"Never have I been so grateful that one can't smell a movie! In this case smelling the screenplay would have been a crime against humanity, let alone Bigfoot-ity."

In an incredible coincidence, a movie patron captured a photo of what appeared to be a Bigfoot sneaking into the showing of "Sasquatch Sunset" without paying. The theatre manager was philosophical about it: "Well, what else would you expect a crypto-beast like that to do? I mean, they don't carry around Louis Viton wallets or purses, do they?"

Ricard Scheister Esquire, the Institute's 24-7 on-retainer legal counsel, bail bondsman and 'Mr. Fixit' expressed concern that the Institute wasn't offered any movie-credit, movie-input, and most importantly, movie-royalties regarding this nature documentary. "Say... why didn't WE get a fat cut in the profits? Or a nice percent of the box office sales, huh? Where's that damn fool lawyer of ours! Oh, wait a minute..."

Amazing Aruba Attack by AWOL Bigfoot!

Aruba Aroused by Audacious Sasquatch Abominations!

The touristy Southern Caribbean island of Aruba was the victim of a recent Bigfoot raid, causing panic amongst locals, tourists, small birds and stray mammals alike. "All the piles of disgusting clues point to a strong odiferous suspicion the Sasquatch arrived on a cursed cruise ship and left the same way.", declared a shaken local shop owner.

Bigfoot spotted in Oranjestad. 

Iconic windy Aruba bliss ruined by Bigfoot Sighting: 

Sales of cheap refrigerator magnets dropped by 75% for several hours as tourists panicked. However, local beer sales jumped 250% per local shop owners.

Oranjestad emergency Sasquatch Poop-Map and smell-zone updates. 

The beast left a trail of astonishing volumes of Sasquatch excrement and other bodily fluids during his invasion. The rather raw organic materials deposited by the creature were left to reek in the tropical sun throughout the capital city of Oranjestad, prompting the local sanitation department to go on strike, close shop, and declare a special week's emergency holiday. In a fear-of-recall election panic, the intrepid city council politicos came up with an emergency Bigfoot "Poop Map", inspired by the City of San Francisco's chronic wokey doom-loop problems. "Watch your feet, all walkers beware! Galiña ta laba ku e awa ku e tin!" declared City Hall with awe-inspiring confidence.

Sasquatch beast loitering at Wilhelmina Park. The Queen was not amused.

Aruba's sister island Curaçao was hit by a similar Sasquatch visitation only days before. Authorities on both islands strongly suspect the beast is a stowaway on a casually run cruise ship and is heading to other nearby ports. In response, a major cruise line industry organization, Cruise Line International Of Absconders (CLIOA), declared 'no comment', 'force majeure', 'endangered species act' and denied all responsibility, as usual. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors at the illustrious YETI not SETI Institute in aromatic Yuba City, California, was intrigued. "I'm intrigued! First Curaçao gets hit by this hairball, then Aruba. There is only one cruise ship in the region which fits the exact timeline - "Rapunzel of the Seas"! The cunning ape-man must be a stowaway on that ship. If I'm right, the next stop will be Cartagena, Colombia. Poor Colombia! They should rename this ship "Catastrophe of the Seas"!

Curaçao Crumbles from Bigfoot Sightings!

Sasquatch Sallies onto Curaçao Island! Seriously!

Certified* Cryptologists all over the known world are agog at news a North American Bigfoot has been spotted on the Southern Caribbean island of Curaçao. Local tourism authorities strenuously deny the rare beast is a local ape-man. A local north island resident was sure of the Sasquatch source: "It must have come in on one of dos nasty cruise ships that keep showin' up like dirty pirates. Nasty things! Yama polis!"

Sasquatch or Cruise Ship Tourist? Hairy beast spotted at Playa Kenepa Grandi. 

"It coulda been much worse!", exclaimed a local alcohol-infused-tropical-smoothie stand owner at the Kenepa Grandi Beach, "At least dat animal didn't go for a nasty swim. Could you image? That beautiful turquoise wata becoming infested with monkey-fleas, ape-lice, and whatever else was clinging to that awful beast's mangy fur? Bai awo!" 

Sasquatch sighting at the Shete Boka National Rain Forest. 

The exotic hominid even showed up in one of the most lush, densely grown, tropical parts of Curaçao - Shete Boka National Park. OK, we were paid to write that, as we're money-grubbing hacks with no sense of journalist ethics in our bones. Shete Boka is actually desolate, arid, rugged, wind-blown and nearly lifeless... not unlike parts of extreme West Texas, the planet Mars**, or Big-Box store parking lots. 

Wandering around or lost? Unexplained Sasquatch presence has biologist scratching their heads and other body parts. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute in the island paradise of Yuba City, California, had this to say about that. "I have that to say about this. Bigfoots are not native to Curaçao. Heck they aren't native to Yankee Stadium, either! But there you go... a bona fide Bigfoot sighting on this formerly lovely tropical island in the Southern Caribbean. It may take years for the island's tourism industry to recover from the simian shock. If they're lucky the beast was a stowaway on a clueless cruise ship and managed to sneak on back on board for parts unknown. I fear for Aruba! Things are not "Dushi" in Curaçao right now!

*All Cryptologists, along with Alien Astronaut Theorists, are 'certified' in one form or another. 

**Extraterrestrial Sasquatch sightings have been made on the planet Mars. Truth! Just ask Percival Lowell, deceased. 

News Flash: Aruba has been hit by a Sasquatch Soiree! Aruba Aroused by Audacious Sasquatch Abominations!

Bigfoot Terrorizes Taiwan!

 Sasquatch Sighting in Taipei! Taiwanese Traumatized! Macaques missing in action!

In an amazing appearance, a rogue North American Bigfoot dumpster-dived a 7-Eleven in Taipei. This famous local restaurant is known for it's savory fried fast food, condiments, and gas.  

The crypto-hairball incident set off a mild diplomatic kerfuffle, with the Taiwanese government pointing a middle finger at China, Canada, and/or the USA as the source of this highly unwelcome intruder. Of course the suspect governments all pointed middle fingers at each other, except Canada. The Canadian government was too nice to respond with such a rude hand gesture, and sincerely apologized that if the Bigfoot was in fact Canadian they would properly apologize for not properly apologizing in the first place. 

How the beast arrived to bother Taiwan is a mysterious mystery. A suspicious traveler from San Francisco is an intense subject of interest. "I was wondering why a passenger in the first-class cabin had so much hair, drank too much cognac, read the Financial Times upside down, and stank to high heaven.", said one of the stewardii on board the flight. "We had to delouse the plane upon landing. You may be assured no escape hatches fell of during the flight, though we were hoping one would and suck this unhygienic passenger out into the Pacific Ocean!" 

No such Sasquatch sucking out the hatch occurred, and upon landing the mysterious simian passenger apparently made it past customs and was free to roam the unsuspecting city at will. 

First Contact: Cousins Meet? The Locals were not impressed. Macaques mortified. 

Locals were amazed to see the beast eagerly chow-down chòu dòufǔ, known at "stinky tofu". Stinky tofu has an aroma which allegedly sickens most round-eyes, but according to Taipei city dwellers, the dish is a uniquely fermented concoction of tofu cubes extra-deep-fried in rancid pig lard. The Sasquatch couldn't get enough of this local 'treat'. 

Macaques Mystery!

While the Bigfoot was wolfing down leftover and mysteriously popular street foods, the Macaques in the area became quite restless. The world famous Uncle Mo, Larry, and Curley Macaque Park was the scene of a first contact between the Bigfoot and a milling mob of (what else?) Macaques. The chance encounter did not go well. The simians did not get along. In fact, after flinging monkey poo at the Sasquatch, the Macaques beat a hasty retreat out of the park.  The mob only returned well after the big ape had left the scene. The Sasquatch seemed indifferent to the little monkeys and disappeared in the city again to seek out more rancid chòu dòufǔ. Authorities are still searching for the hominid, however it's thought the animal slipped past customs (again) and hitchhiked a ride back to North America. 

Dr. Karl Bling, President-for-Life of the YETI not SETI Institute, had few comments to make during a sparsely attended press conference in exotic Yuba City. "I have a few comments to make concerning this Taipei business. First, where the hell are all the journalists, social influencers, and bloggers!? I'm about to issue some big news! Well, screw 'em anyway, a bunch of puff-balls. I'm sending a very gullible nephew of mine to Taipei. He's interning at our prestigious institute and I pay him squat, that's why I use him, sucker. He's looking for DNA scrapes leftover from the beast. What's that? How is he getting there? It sure ain't going to be in first-class drinking cognac, not on my dime! I'm looking at booking him on an old rust-bucket freighter carrying bananas from Central America to Taiwan. A very cheap one-way transit. If the crew are nice they might let him have some leftovers to eat. If he finds any Sasquatch DNA I'll let him come back on a cut-rate fishing trawler, I hear the sashimi is great."

Sasquatch Catastrophe in Montreal!

Bigfoot Spotted At Mount Royal Park! Montréal en panique parfaite alors que Bigfoot est aperçu en ville!

Astounding amazed locals and visitors alike, an extremely rare North American Sasquatch was spotted taking in the views at Mount Royal Park in Montreal, Canada. The park was quickly emptied by Park Police with assistance from the Canadian Mounted Police, who scoured the park on foot - - their horses had taken one deep sniff of an aromatic bigfoot in the air and quickly announced an immediate safety related work-stoppage per Canadian Police Horses Union, local 121. "Well sure they would strike, wouldn't you? These horses are scared silly by Bigfoots." pronounced a local Poutine street vendor warily eyeing his inventory of the tasty-but-deadly snack, on vigilant guard for Bigfoots.  

Sasquatch scanning Montreal for his next meal. 

Fortunately for central Montreal, no further sightings of the clever beast were made. The ape creature appeared to wonder off towards Vermont. Police on both sides of the border are on intense surveillance. 

Idyllic scene shattered by Bigfoot appearance. Photo Bombed!

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in monolingual Yuba City, felt a bit guilty about the whole mess in Montreal. "I sent one of our unpaid interns there to learn some French and bring me back some hot, steamy, dripping, heart-attack triggering Mac And Cheese Poutine, yum! Unfortunately while in the city she encountered this mangy sasquatch, which really messed up her olfactory nerves and allergies! Too bad we don't offer health insurance here. Oh well, the Poutine was magnificent!".

Erk Holohead, a Bored of Directors member of the institute, had an observation. "I visited Montreal a few years ago for one of these lovely open bar cocktail hour scientific Sasquatch conferences. It was all in French but it didn't matter, as long as the hotel open bar was open! At the time Montreal could boast of having not one but two mayors recently convicted of corruption. Locals were very proud of this achievement, as not even Chicago can boast this claim. Cabbies point out the unfinished rebar sticking out of roadway overpasses as sightseeing must-sees! Please be advised in Quebec the official language is French, and Montreal is no exception. I made the mistake of ordering a particularly unhealthy snack of Poutine from a street-vendor in English... not only was there social embarrassment, but my subsequent arrest by the language-police included 24-hour jail time while being forced to listen to the collected speeches of  Justin Trudeau in French. Desperately, I made a plea-bargain. Per the Judge's order I took the next flight out of Montreal. Unfortunately it was to Dushanbe, Tajikistan. Luckily, they didn't want me in their country either and they promptly put me on a flight back to the States."

In order to confirm to Quebec policies and requirements for this important information, a Google enhanced translation into French follows. Don't blame us. We all took high-school French*, but we've forgotten most of it. *Except for one poor lad who took German, as he is a linguistic masochist.

Official French Version follows:

OK, alors ce sasquatch dégoûtant s'est présenté au Parc Royal à Montréal et a semé la panique. Les chevaux de service de la Gendarmerie royale du Canada se sont mis en grève et ont refusé d'aider à retrouver le bigfoot. Même après avoir été menacés d'être transformés en steaks de cheval congelés et exportés vers la Belgique, les équidés refusent de servir. À la fin de la journée, l’homme-singe a disparu et a quitté la ville seul. Nous avons tous fini par manger des quantités prodigieuses de Poutine et boire de bonnes bières québécoises. Ces Américains qui ont écrit ce blog sont en fait des idiots.

YETI not SETI Institute to launch product R&D for Bigfoot inspired perfumes.

New Research Project to develop Perfumes based upon Sasquatch Aromas Announced.

The prestigious and puerile YETI not SETI Institute announces an exciting new project to develop a line of 'high-end colognes' using scare Bigfoot pheromones, perspiration, and other unfortunate bodily aromas and fluids. 

Bigfoot Bashing in Bali!

Indonesia Nauseous After Rare Sasquatch Sighting! 

The exotic and erratic touristy tropical island of Bali is bamboozled after a North American Bigfoot was found haunting a resort full of drunk Australians (is there any other kind?) and Americans who should never use VeryCheapHotels.com without adult supervision.  

Bigfoot caught scanning resort pool area for open cans of Foster Lager. 

"Yea, we waz there mate!", said a enthusiastic visitor from Sydney, "There we were by the pool having a another ripper drinking cold amber liquids when this crazy beast jumped from a balcony and grabbed one of me tinnies! It ran right off without a word of thanks, the bugger!"

Bali officials have kept quiet, not wanting to cause panic amongst the locals or the 5% of the tourists who actually follow any news when on holiday. A spokesman for the Bali Unusual Reports in Progress (BURP), Mr. Whyaputzmadeketupt, delved decidedly deeper into the dark dangers the Sasquatch poses to Indonesia at large - "Look, this nasty animal could be an invasive species, I don't care which side of the Wallace line it comes from. Already our fierce Komodo dragons are looking preoccupied and stressed! We must be more careful about tourists we allow into Bali, even money-laden Aussies and Kiwis."

Curiously, a scientific paper on Homo floresiensis has just been released by paleoanthropologists seeking to justify eyebrow raising expenses incurred during a particularly successful party junket to Indonesia. The paper claims that "Flores Hobbits" are in fact the pint-sized ancestors of gigantopithecus revultus, today's modern Bigfoot. "It all makes sense!", exclaimed Dr. Karl Blinng of the YETI not SETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, California. "Now pass me another beer, it's hot and I'm thirsty!"

Sordid Santa Fe Sasquatch Sighting!

Baffled BigFoot in Santa Fe and Los Alamos! New Mexico Authorities Stumped. 

An extremely rare sighting of a Sasquatch has occurred in numbed New Mexico. Locals and lost tourists spotted the scabious beast multiple times in the Santa Fe and Los Alamos regions. Police suspect the creature attempted a nocturnal heist of rare and invaluable southwestern art. Federal lands have been closed until confirmation the beast has cleared out and returned to California. It is assumed by the state government that most unwelcome intruders into New Mexico are from California or Texas. 

Bigfoot caught on camera in the Jemez Springs area by a seriously lost fly-fisherman looking for feral trout to electrocute with his new fancy fly-fishing gear. 

Terrible Troglodyte Sasquatch spotted at an ancient cliff dwelling at Bandelier National Monument. "The man-monkey thought the cave was a nice condo for sale. You know how expensive homes are in Santa Fe!" sniffed a local realtor. 

A Santa Fe Art Dealer's security camera captured the art heist suspect on camera, it was casing the joint along with another 249,999 galleries. A daring attempted art theft at one of larger southwestern mass-market shops occurred sometime after closing. 

Along with causing paleolithic disturbances and panic throughout the region, police strongly suspect the Bigfoot was involved in an attempted art theft at a Santa Fe Art Shop. "We're stuffed. Absolutely loaded with Southwestern Art Galleries", said a local art aficionado, "With more than 250,000 galleries in Santa Fe, it's astonishing to witness the extensive array of paintings, jewelry, photographs, pots, sculptures, textiles and more, just waiting for dupes, I mean tourists, to buy them all." The police note an minor theft of a small clay pot painted in pastel desert scenes complete with a saguaro cactus and kookopelli was made that night, but the value of the piece was negligible as there are around 1,400,257 similar items in being sold in New Mexico art galleries and gas stations alone. 

Sasquatch Man meets Atomic Man. 

Security Cameras at the Los Alamos Museum caught the wily ape-man sneaking about the facility. Unmarked black helicopters swarmed the area soon after the discovery, but the fuzzy beast escaped. Reports that the unauthorized BigFoot glowed in the dark were refuted. "It stank in the dark." sighed a Los Alamos security guard. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the aromatic YETI not YETI Institute (located in southwestern Yuba City) was overwhelmed. "I'm overwhelmed! Just how much radioactive ground can a forest-loving crypto-creature like a bigfoot cover in a desert wasteland like New Mexico? Don't think I'm bitter that I call New Mexico a desert wasteland just because my request to present an important paper on Sasquatch precious bodily fluids was denied by a stupid BigFoot conference in Santa Fe this year. Fools! Who needs bitterness when one is armed with the TRUTH! Hahahahahahaha!" 

Unfortunately, this is not the first time Santa Fe has been afflicted by a bigfoot infestation:

Santa Fe Sasquatch Soils Art Scene!

Colorado Bigfoot Video.

The Colorado BigFoot Sighting - Analysis and Opinion.

A fascinating Sasquatch Field and Pseudo-Analysis report has been published by our intrepid pseudo-scientific investigator Brucillus Hail, lost somewhere in the wastelands of Colorado. Brucillus is an enthusiastic part-time and poorly paid Sasquatch researcher from the YETI not SETI Institute, and is a member of the Bored of Directors. Well, he gets paid more than our summer interns, who are just a bunch of plain old saps. 

See astounding Colorado Bigfoot insight on the official YETI not SETI website:

https://yeti-not-seti-institute.blogspot.com/2023/10/yeti-not-seti-institute-responds-to.html

Sasquatch Sighting in Panamá City! ¡Sasquatch en Ciudad de Panamá otra vez, carajo!

 Persnickety Bigfoot Spotted in Panamá! Clumsy city ape-man targets Tourista Business! 

After a welcome break, another unwelcome Bigfoot has been spotted in Panamá City, Panamá - - once again spoiling the recovering Avenida Balboa and Marbella neighborhoods. "The beast is operating a shake-down operation on tourist operators.", said a special investigations detective from the national Departamento de Investigaciones Repugnantes y Turistas (DIRT). 

The intended target of the Bigfoot's wrath?

In the first attack, the Bigfoot approached a autobus hop-on hop-off kiosk along Avenida Balboa, filled with tourists waiting for the next bus, awed by the heroic traffic congestion just steps away. To the amazement of tourists and locals, the hairy beast sat down on a bench armed with oily day-old carimañolas wrapped in a fishy-smelling newspaper. The ape-man proceeded to eat his ageing snack while avidly reading the newspaper upside down. Needless to say, the area was cleared of tourists, locals, and pigeons within seconds. When a Hop-On bus rolled up the beast got up and boarded the bus. Monkey mayhem ensued! "When my customers saw this, this, this, this ANIMAL hop on the  bus, they all hopped off - - through windows, the emergency escape, anywhere! I lost all my fares except this stupid big ape. So I drove it over to Calle 50 and told him in no uncertain terms that my bus was now off-line, and time to get out. He hopped out. I mean that literally. He thought it was required to hop in and out of the bus, he isn't too bright. Ese simio era muy tonto!" 

Shake-down Sasquatch dropped off in front of the RIU Plaza hotel on Calle 50. Hotel Reservations plummeted.

Police have released a mysterious letter sent by an unknown person(?) to various tourist outfits a week ago. The writer appears to have limited intelligence and is threatening blackmail. The letter is badly scrawled in red crayon on an empty french-fries box. "It looks like an illiterate human wrote it, except for the grease spots and fur all over it.", said an investigator. The letter's contents were short and to the point: "Der Syrs - U hav 23 21 24 ahoras to to lev mi taasti junc fud in ur basuras or mi goin to be mean to ur bizneseses. U warrned! Sinserly, señor Beeegfut"

The infamous Panamá Bigfoot scanning Avenida Balboa, plotting his next catastrophic caper?

 The beast's photo was caught by a shocked Condo Manager using the building's stairs. The ape-man fled before the police could arrive on the scene, as did the condo manager - he gave his resignation immediately after the sighting. "This job ain't worth running into monos malolientes like that one!". 

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI NOT SETI bored of directors, visited Panamá during the latest Sasquatch attack. "I'm shocked some of these Bigfoots manage to find a way down from the USA and Canada to PTY. Panamá needs to tighten up restrictions on their Panama Relocation programs. Amongst all those North American retirees coming to the country, it's way too easy right now for an anti-social Bigfoot with evil designs on the tourist industry to blend-in and even qualify for the Pensionando Program! Call me a snob but the program should be revised to apply to homo-sapiens-sapiens only, if you ask me, not gigantopithecus-revultas. 

Sasquatch Sightings at Flathead National Forest!

Grizzly Bears, Wolves, Mountain Goats, Fly Fisherman and other dangerous beasts give Bigfoot Beast a Wide Berth during rare sighting! 

The forest service has temporarily closed the Great Bear Wilderness, hoping the Bigfoot just goes away and visits nearby Canada. "The last Bigfoot sighting around here was a few years ago... quite a mess." said one of the park rangers, "The Grizzly bears boycotted the area for several years before they came back sniffing around. I mean, what's a Great Bear Wilderness if you have no bears?!"

Hungry Bigfoot caught on webcam, searching for his next semi-cooked meal.

Flathead National Forest in the summer is a normally serene and slow-paced realm, where mellow fly fisherman lazily try to catch a few trout to enhance the freeze dried mystery meat they brought with them for dinner. While everyone was on the watch for bear attacks, no one thought a Sasquatch raid was in the cards.

Bigfoot cruising the high country. 

In order to protect clueless park guests, the National Forest Service has issued the following Sasquatch safety guidelines until further notice:

"When you are on the trails, expect bigfoots to be present. Moving quickly on a trail increases your chance of surprising a Sasquatch... try it! It will be fun!

Expect bigfoots to be present when you least expect them. 

Carry bear spray - it won't help, but you'll feel safer anyway. 

Make noise and slow down. Leave fast food snacks and back away. 

Avoid evening, morning, midday, afternoon, and night. 

Avoid going out alone. Rude things can happen to solo hikers, not even counting alien abductions. 

During a Bigfoot encounter:

Do not run. Sprint! 

If the Bigfoot charges: stand your ground, use your bear spray, prepare to die.

If the Bigfoot makes physical contact: protect your nose and avoid inhaling too much of the beast's odors. Play dead, use your bear spray on yourself. For more information visit the Interagency Sasquatch Committee.

Sneaky Sasquatch sighted in Montana.

Dr. Karl Blinng, President For Life of the YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE in hilly Yuba City, California, was in the Flathead National Wilderness when the Sasquatch sightings hit the area. "I didn't see any of the beasts, gosh darn it! I was focused on a titanic battle with a tremendous killer trout on my line. Mano-a-mano. After a terrifying 3 hour tussle between man-and-fish it all ended when one of my colleagues cut-loose my line in desperation and let the floating log I'd caught float free into the sunset. I was so close! Well, I went back to camp and expected a delicious meal of freeze-dried crunchy pasta with extra-crunchy Italian meatballs - - only to find found our precious meal  was stolen by one of those wily Sasquatch critters. Curse them! Well, the furry thief left the case of slim-jims so we dined well enough." 

SASQUATCH PHILLY FRENZY!

Bigfoot Spotted in Philadelphia! City of Brotherly Love Suspends Motto. Independence Hall and Terminal Market Hit in Broad Daylight!

Downtown Philly locals, bums, and lost tourists alike were astounded to see a bonafide backwoods Sasquatch prowl downtown Philadelphia and Independence Hall. City and National Monument Police quickly converged upon the afflicted areas but couldn't find the nasty culprit. They did find an illegally parked Martian flying saucer, however, and with great skill efficiently gave the vehicle a parking ticket for not paying the meter. 

North American Sasquatch spotted skulking sultrily past Independence Hall!

"We saw the beast!", said a stunned tour guide leading a pack of tourists past the hallowed site, "The kids got a thrill throwing left-over freetoe pies at the animal - - the beast seems to really like 'em when they soft and soggy, not crunchy. I'm talking about the pies, not the people, you idiot!"

The same Bigfoot caught sneakily snooping around the inside of Independence Hall!

The Park Service had to close the building for 3 days in order to fumigate the entire structure. 

Security Cameras caught the beast entering the building later the same day, quickly forcing an evacuation as the hearty aromas brought to bear by the beast were described as intense and insulting. 

 

Hungry Bigfoot apeing Rocky Balboa at the Philly Terminal Market, before diving into multiple Cheese Steak dumpsters. 

The Philadelphia Terminal Market is famous for excellent cheese steak sandwiches and other local concoctions designed to give the hearty eater premature cardiac arrest. Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-life of the aspirational YETI Not SETI Institute in cheesy Yuba City, was visiting the Terminal Market when the ape-man struck. "I heard all the ruckus! I didn't actually see the simian, but I sure heard the yelling, things getting thrown around, and the strange odors wafting from the market... it was the beast I smelled, not the food! I think? Anyway, I had a great cheesesteak sandwich! A steaming two footer pile high with extra onions. Heart Attack on a Plate! Sure, I was comatose for a week but it was worth it!"

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors at the YETI Not SETI Institute, had some uninvited  hysterical historical perspectives to bring to the Bigfoot Philly Fiasco. "Look, it's a well-known fact that many of the Founding Fathers alluded to the existence of at least one bigfoot lurking amongst them. Thomas Jefferson was suspected by many. Benjamin Franklin was another suspect... initials BF... very subtle and just like him. Coincidence or...? I'm also convinced King George III was a full-blown sasquatch - what else could possibly describe his behavior? I'm written to King Charles, on Official Institute Stationary mind you, requesting DNA samples be taken for sasquatch analysis of himself, Prince Harry (Prince Hairy?), and King George III himself, may the old tyrant rest in peace. Nothing! No response, how rude! Well, except for my Passport being rejected by the UK government and classifed as Asinus Non Grata.  I wonder if there's a connection?"

Sasquatch Bashes Baja! Cabo Crunched!

 Bigfoot Scare at Cabo San Lucas!

Mexico has been hit again by a rare but strangely persistent incursion of a nasty Bigfoot, this time afflicting the tourist city of Cabo San Lucas. "Cabo", or "Cartel" as many call it, is a well-heeled resort town situated on the very bottom tip of the dry-as-bones Baja Peninsula. How a forest loving creature like a Sasquatch made it down to Cabo is a mysteriously misty mystery. 

Visitors to a Gravel Yard, err Zen Garden, at Nobu Los Cabos were shocked to find that not only had the rocks had been moved helter-skelter, but a savage Sasquatch had done the dirty deed!

The Bigfoot caused quite a ruckus roaming the beaches and resorts in Cabo. Eye-witnesses said the beast has a propensity to grab ageing half-eaten fish tacos stuffed with jalapenos and melted cheese, overly fried yucca strips, and warm stale beer in bottles left sitting in the sun. "The beast is omnivorous.", sniffed a visiting gringa dietician, "But his healthy food choices were very bad!"

The Sasquatch was caught roaming around in an all-inclusive resort. Partial refunds were given to guests immediately after the intrusion in order to avoid cancellations and nasty social media posts by disgruntled tourists . 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI not SETI Institute in balmy and freeze-dried Yuba City, California, commented on the amazing Sasquatch sighting. "I was there you know. In Cabo. Cabo San Lucas. Yep. ¡Olé! I'd finally been invited to a serious scientific conference on the anatomical origins of hanging earlobes and the impact upon earwax in the great Apes. This area of research is a great interest of mine. Actually I registered online and they took my money... not a lot of esteemed personas like myself attend such important scientific meetings, you know. Anyway they took my registration fee and I scored a free stale beer and a fishy taco during the welcome reception, HA! But curse it all, I missed seeing the Bigfoot, not even a filament of odorous hair or curiously mysterious body fluids. Such is life, I guess. Así es la vida. Well, time for another cerveza or maybe one of those fancy drinks with the umbrellas on top!" 

Alas, Mexico has been hit with Bigfoot incidents before: 

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

Mayhem in Mexico as BigFoot Bungles USA Border Relations

BigFoot in Mexico City?

Malo BIG Bigfoot Adventure at Costa Maya Mexico!

Sasquatch Sighted at Pyramid Lake!

 Perplexing Bigfoot Panic at Pyramid Lake! 

Confirmed* reports from Nevada's Pyramid Lake bring the astounding news that a bonafide Bigfoot was spotted at sunset prowling the shore looking for leftover fast-food delicacies. "I was gobsmacked, flabbergasted, aghast!", said a perturbed fisherman, "The sun was going down over the lake, a crescent moon was out, and there was moonshine for everyone. I prefer mine at 150 proof, thank you very much. Well there we were enjoying the scene and our dinner cooking. Suddenly this hideous ape-man came out of the darkness, waltzed by our camper, and napped our freshly caught Lahontan cutthroat trout! He left behind the Cui-ui Lakesucker fishies behind... the Cad! The brute ran off into the desert. We heard coyotes howling later on. They sounded distressed, like they'd encountered something very odiferous."

It came at Sunset! The moonshine helped the aromatic creature navigate naughtily during its theft expeditions.

A member of the Paiute Tribe, whose reservation surrounds Pyramid Lake, gave some historical perspective on Sasquatch. "We see Bigfoot as a gentle well-behaved creature. He's not scary. We see him as a benevolent protector, a harmonious son of nature. Naaaaaaa, who am I kidding? We just tell that old fable to the children so they're not scared all the time!"

Pyramid Lake is just like Lake Tahoe except it's in the high desert, has a few living trees and other scattered vegetation, is essentially barren, wholly desiccated, rather desolate and... er, maybe it's not like Lake Tahoe? The lake is known for famous fish and seriously fanatical fishermen. The unique lake area is heavily used by movie studios as a stand-in for the Sinai Wilderness, the Sahara Desert, post-apocalyptic scenes in general, Star Trek planets, and planets involving apes. Burning Mannequin festival attendees travel through the area to nearby Black Rock Desert, which can easily fit all the luxury glamping RVs required to rough it. 

*Some demented fly-fisherman we know. 

BigFoot Sighting in YellowStone National Park!

 Astounding  Aromatic Assault on Yellowstone National Park by Malus Simia Ape Man!

Despite efforts by the Federal National Park System to squash this amazing 'squash news, our intrepid blog - a service to humanity - has uncovered numerous photos and eyewitness reports of Bigfoot sightings at Yellowstone National Park. Tourists be warned: dangers at the famous wilderness area already include being eaten by bears, torn apart by wolves, trampled by buffalo, nipped by coyotes, fleeced by admission fees, and soiled by scared feral gerbils. Add Sasquatches to the danger list. 

Feral Sasquatch Spotted in Yellowstone National Park! Lions and Tigers and Bigfoots! 

A day tourist to the park was incensed. "Seeing a real live bigfoot was a shocking experience. The Park Rangers were nowhere to be seen! The big hairy ape sort of wandered around looking for trash bins. It stole my bag of organic Hot & Painfully Spicy Cheeetoes when I wasn't looking, the cad!"

Bigfoot beastie spotted at Old Faithful. Tourists thought he was part of the 'show' until the aroma of his mangy hide wafted over the unfortunates trying to pet nearby buffaloes. Few escaped the stench or stampede.

Even a stuffed and very deceased wolf at the park museum expressed its disgust at being near the hygienically challenged ape-man. 

The Sasquatch darted into the park museum looking for fried food of any kind. 

A shocked curator managed to take this photo as the beast tippy-toed past a T-Rex skull. "That bigfoot was scared of the dinosaur's teeth, yes sir! He slunk past as silently as he could go. Then he stole my organic hot & painfully spicy doureetos bag, the thief!"

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-for-Life of the renowned YETI not SETI Institute in liquified Yuba City, California, commented on the Yellowstone National Park sighting. "I was conducting a serious scientific probability experiment at a nearby Casino in the area when all this sasquatch stuff happened, gosh darn it to heck! That's OK, we're busy scouring the park for DNA and scat samples of the beast. So far we've only found evidence of gerbils and homo sapiens in the area, which is surprising. But we're getting close!"

Erk Holohead, a loyal member of the Institute's Bored of Directors, commented on the lack of Park Ranger control of Bigfoot forays in the national park. "You'd think that the park rangers would have controlled the Sasquatch infestation in short order, but no! An insider told me park management is obsessed with ridding the park of two infamous criminally inclined bears - a sly pick-pocketing bruin wearing a hat and going by the alias of 'Yogi', and a side-kick safe-cracking specialist nicknamed 'Boo-Boo'. They've been trying to cuff these guys for decades, with no success. They have no chance capturing a bigfoot!" 

Amazing New Trinity River Bigfoot Sighting!

Savage Sasquatch Squashes Sorry Fly-Fishermen in Ferocious Frenzy of Fear!

The infamous Trinity River region of Northern California is well known for decades of numerous sightings of wild Bigfoots roaming the region. Rare incidents include really famous encounters recorded in Kodachrome and other state of the art photography. Despite all the frenzied furry attention, no Sasquatch bodies, hair, feces, DNA, empty BillyBob beer cans or smokeless chewing tobacco tins have ever been recovered as evidence. No matter... it is well known these nasty creatures are out there skulking in the trees, lurking about for their next hapless victims!

Professional Fly-Fishermen Attacked at Close Range by Bigfoot!

A group of struggling professional fly-fishermen recently tried their luck in the Trinity River, attempting to land the rare freshwater Spotted Pacific Tuna while adding unauthorized points to their really pathetic scores (-3, -2, -7 respectively) on the latest Fly Fishing USA scoreboard. "We were so close to landing a real big fishy this time, not the fake rubber ones we use for Facebook photos, when suddenly out of the dense forest a monstrous Bigfoot jumped out of the brush and trampled us! After a terrific trampling the rogue stole our organic pork rinds and ran up-river quick as lightening. It was horrible. I may give up fly-fishing and just go to the seafood section of Safeway after this!"

Serene, Bucolic, and very Fishy!

The Trinity County Sheriff's department is on the case. "We know those fly-fishy guys didn't have a fishing permit. An all-points bulletin has been issued for their capture, torture, and release. Notice to all fisherman tourists... no permit? We catch and release up here, you city slickers!"

Regarding the alleged Bigfoot attack, the District Attorney declined to prosecute the unidentified Sasquatch. "Hey, I don't make the laws around here. Blame Sacramento! Technically, these beasts are feral and homeless. Sasquatches are a protected species with fleas and very bad hygiene. The recent court case decision from Gerbil versus the State of California confirms our decision to not pursue a case."

Ape-Man caught on Video Cam! Just hours after the alleged fly-fisherman trampling, a sauntering 'Squatch was spotted crossing a road near the Trinity River. He stank of pork rinds.  

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE issued a rare press release in response to this recent Sasquatch attack on innocent bootlegging fly-fisherman. "I deny any involvement. I wasn't there. My lawyer can back up my alibi! I would never dream of fly-fishing without a fishing permit, unless I thought I could get away... ah... unless I thought I was in disputed international waters or at a Big Fish Store."

Erk Holohead, head of the Institute's Bigfoot disinformation, crypto-investment, and investor-fleecing operations, added a clear opinion on the matter. "Fishing is stupid. Fly-Fishing doubly so. Let's not even talk about catch-and-release! Orange Lobster has the bounty of the seas at your table in minutes, including the really delicious fake crab-meat stuff!"

Learn more about Fly-Fishing and Bigfoots! 

Fly-Fishing and Sasquatch in Colorado - Rocky Mountain HIGH