Curaçao Crumbles from Bigfoot Sightings!

Sasquatch Sallies onto Curaçao Island! Seriously!

Certified* Cryptologists all over the known world are agog at news a North American Bigfoot has been spotted on the Southern Caribbean island of Curaçao. Local tourism authorities strenuously deny the rare beast is a local ape-man. A local north island resident was sure of the Sasquatch source: "It must have come in on one of dos nasty cruise ships that keep showin' up like dirty pirates. Nasty things! Yama polis!"

Sasquatch or Cruise Ship Tourist? Hairy beast spotted at Playa Kenepa Grandi. 

"It coulda been much worse!", exclaimed a local alcohol-infused-tropical-smoothie stand owner at the Kenepa Grandi Beach, "At least dat animal didn't go for a nasty swim. Could you image? That beautiful turquoise wata becoming infested with monkey-fleas, ape-lice, and whatever else was clinging to that awful beast's mangy fur? Bai awo!" 

Sasquatch sighting at the Shete Boka National Rain Forest. 

The exotic hominid even showed up in one of the most lush, densely grown, tropical parts of Curaçao - Shete Boka National Park. OK, we were paid to write that, as we're money-grubbing hacks with no sense of journalist ethics in our bones. Shete Boka is actually desolate, arid, rugged, wind-blown and nearly lifeless... not unlike parts of extreme West Texas, the planet Mars**, or Big-Box store parking lots. 

Wandering around or lost? Unexplained Sasquatch presence has biologist scratching their heads and other body parts. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute in the island paradise of Yuba City, California, had this to say about that. "I have that to say about this. Bigfoots are not native to Curaçao. Heck they aren't native to Yankee Stadium, either! But there you go... a bona fide Bigfoot sighting on this formerly lovely tropical island in the Southern Caribbean. It may take years for the island's tourism industry to recover from the simian shock. If they're lucky the beast was a stowaway on a clueless cruise ship and managed to sneak on back on board for parts unknown. I fear for Aruba! Things are not "Dushi" in Curaçao right now!

*All Cryptologists, along with Alien Astronaut Theorists, are 'certified' in one form or another. 

**Extraterrestrial Sasquatch sightings have been made on the planet Mars. Truth! Just ask Percival Lowell, deceased. 

News Flash: Aruba has been hit by a Sasquatch Soiree! Aruba Aroused by Audacious Sasquatch Abominations!