Paris Panics as BigFoot Trashes Train Station!

J'accuse! Smelly Sasquatch Sabotoges Paris Nord Train Station - - Transit Workers Rejoice! Belgium Blamed.
A seriously suspicous Sasquatch disrupted the afternoon commute for thousands of Paris train and metro riders today. French police are searching for the ape-beast, warning it may strike again. Commuters said the foul, malaromatic monster arrived in Paris on a Thalys express train from Brussels... "Oui, le sale homme singe sauvage, it leap-ed le train like a person crazee, it grab-bed nasty goûters de porc frit from un food shop and ran to the street! His odeur horrible caused 20... no, 40... no, 1,000 people to faint-ed! Of this, I see with my own eyes!"

French Bigfoot disrupts Paris Trains.

The French public transit worker's union, protesting against the French government's plans to raise the retirement age to 24 and a half years, used the BigFoot incident at Paris Nord station as an excuse to go on a snap strike... again. "To the barricades! Why not?", said a transit union representative, "Having to work until 24 and 1/2 is an outrage.... having to endure disgusting working conditions to our sanitary health from this Belgium monqueee Bigfoot is unacceptable. We strike today! You know for us, demonstrations and strikes are sort of like a national sport, Oui? But first, we have lunch, Non?"

Au revoir, Sasquatch!

The Paris Nord train station was left in chaos and mayhem. Having severely disrupted train and metro service to Paris, the mysterious Belgian Bigfoot ran down Boulevard Diderot heading towards the Bastille, chased by Parisian Gendarmes and an enraged mob of angry commuters armed with pitchforks and torches. "Off with its head!", shouted the crowd. "ahhhh... after delousing?" said one observer.

Brussels denies the Bigfoot which attacked Paris is from Belgium, claiming it is in fact Dutch. "J'accuse!" said the French Foreign Ministry's senior janitor, who answered our midnight investigatory phone call. "Theeees is a threat growing to European Union harmony. Do not lie, you dastardly Belgians! Look what this nasty ape monster did to the Netherlands! You must take responsibility and pay damages! Not in Euros please.... Yen is much better."

Sasquatch World Cup Disaster - - FRANCE SURRENDERS to FRANCE!

BigFoot Hormone Abuse PRIME SUSPECT in France World Cup CATASTROPHE.

Déjà vu! "It was 1940, 1871 and 1812 all over again."

French National Team Football Players and Coaches under scrutiny... "Sasquatch Juice made us Slow and Stupid."

French football experts are dumbfounded by the self-destructive collapse of the national World Cup team this week. "Sacré bleu, theese imbéciles have disgraced le honneur of France! Their minds, they turned into zeee mush, non? I am certain zzat zzey were all taking zzat Bigfoot hormone dangereux. We nationalize the team, ban le café time and make retirement mandatory age 32! We will be quite harsh regarding zeees affair saasquatch." said Madame Sports Minister Roswyne Bashalot. Rumors of a guillotine being prepared in Paris were denied.

Many World Cup players at 2010 South Africa are suspected of taking illegal BigFoot hormones, but entire teams and coaching staff taking the nasty stuff was not suspected until France's novel display of malaise du football.

In an exclusive interview, FIIFA President Siqq Bladder, age 997, said "It is regrettable that a World Cup team has allegedly used illegal Sasquatch hormones in a misguided effort to boost success on the pitch. These wild Bigfoot hormones are quite dangerous with horrible side-effects. Players and coaches become slow, sluggish, thuggish, lazy, unimaginative during play, and collectively dumb as a rock. Body odors are badly affected. Fleas become a problem. It is not only the French team... we are investigating the Italian team, we suspect they have been using this Bigfoot junk for years!"

"We are aware of irritating noises made concerning our Referees, who stole two good goals from the USA, kept Ireland out of the Cup, and did major damage to other football teams during group play. People say our Refs are using Bigfoot hormones also. They are wrong! Ha ha ha! How naive. FIIFA is an imperial power far beyond mere nations... these Referees are merely following my orders. Our secret conspiracy is to make sure Brazil and Germany are in the final, and the others are OUT! Ooops, I never said that.... guards, arrest these peasants and hold them until 2014!"